One thing I always instruct people to do is plan for the holidays. When you can plan for what you are going to do, on the specific day, it helps you focus on the practical logistics as opposed to the emotional thoughts of what has changed. When you focus on what has changed that will be your focus for the day. Refocus on what you can do for yourself and plan to have a fun, eventful day.
There are some people with whom I work who say to me, “James, I don’t have anyone with whom to spend the holidays.” As lonely as that feels, you can still plan to spend the day with yourself. It may sound cliché, but when you plan your daily itinerary you realize you can still honor the traditions or events that you experienced during happier times.
In preparation for planning your holiday event, write down past traditions, or memories that brought you joy throughout the years. Are there traditions or ideas you can recreate by yourself or with your new set of friends? Which ones would you like to recreate?
Next, start the planning process for the specific day. What time are you going to wake up? Are you cooking? What food is on the menu? What time are eating? What will be your entertainment: movies, parade, football game, etc? Is there a specific music play list you’d like to hear that day? Is there a new cocktail you’d like to try? What’s your favorite dessert? The idea is to make your agenda full of choices you make that will create new traditions and memories and allow your mind to be occupied. When you externalize your emotional energy into practical logistical action you will find your holiday season is not as dreaded as you originally thought it would be.
Remember, if you decide to partake in adult libations, alcohol is a depressant. Rule of thumb: whatever emotional state you are in prior to drinking will exacerbate the mood. If you are feeling depressed then the depression will manifest itself more strongly. If you are feeling hopeless, hopelessness will overtake you. Don’t overindulge in alcohol or you may be consumed with overwhelming emotions.
Don’t emotionally forecast that your future will always be this way. What you are experiencing today does not mean you will feel the same way tomorrow or that your future will be full of loneliness. It’s often difficult not to memorialize a holiday, but when you focus on what you no longer have you are setting yourself up to recreate these same feelings of loss every holiday season.
Make a decision to be proactive this holiday season. Just because it may be different than in the past does not mean it cannot be special in its own way. Creating new traditions, even if it’s by yourself helps you break away from your yesteryears.
James Miller is a licensed psychotherapist who is currently known for his website: www.JamesMillerLifeology.com where he gives daily advice, weekly iTunes podcasts and teaches virtual classes for successful people to simplify and transform their lives. For consultation or for more information, visit: www.JamesMillerLifeology.com.
