By Adam Cohen
SOLID GOLD: I just saw a picture of that porn star that outed that Conde Nast CFO [David Geithner] and, well, nice body but a busted face! $2,500? What does he do for $2500…turn one’s penis into 24k gold?
ENOUGH, ALREADY!: I am over the following [people]: Caitlyn, Bruce, Jenner, North West, Kanye, the Pimp Mom Kris, Kylie and Kaka (the ones that show their tits on Instagram), and the brother, Rob who used to be really hot but now looks like the love child of Carnie Wilson and Chaz Bono….oh, and Wheaties.
WET SPOT: Well, this day is going to be awesome. Rushing from an appointment to get to the office I ended up spilling half a bottle of Evian on my pants. I’m trying to be a titan of industry with liquid-soaked pants, prominently in the crotch area. For a brief glimpse of a moment in time, I felt what must be the daily struggle of Hugh Hefner.
STOP THE NOISE! Sixteen iPhone alarms on snooze constantly going off, and here I am, monitoring them all, fighting the good fight, like Sally Field in a burqa trying to smuggle her daughter out of Iran!….all for 15 minutes more of precious sleep!
YES, I EAT PRUNES: So in the middle of the night I got up to eat some prunes that I keep in the fridge, and when I shut the door, a bottle of vermouth crashed on the floor and shattered. Now my kitchen area smells like Amy Winehouse, Keith Richards, and poor decision making skills.
CHOPPED LIVER?: I’m pissed and I am just going to say it. Donald Trump is an egotistical buffoon who said absolutely stupid things about immigrants in this country [in addition to] questioning John McCain’s status as a war hero. And partly out of their disagreement, and probably to salvage what’s left of this absolutely ridiculous Republican Party, all of the other candidates have condemned him. Yet how come when “prominent” (and I use this term loosely) candidates like Rick Santorum, Rick Perry, and that dope Cruz come out publicly saying horrifying, reprehensible statements about gay people and gay marriage, comparing it to pedophilia and bestiality, there is no giant uproar from the others?
JUST FACE IT: You may have a great body that you splash across social media daily, but remember…there is no gym for your face.
Adam Cohen is a social commentator with almost 5,000 Facebook friends. He lives in Wilton Manors, Fla.
Photo Credit: cnn.com