I hate doing bitch work! When do I get my own bitch to do my bitch work??

Why is it that the fattest and ugliest person in the group has the biggest attitude. Bitch if I wanted to see a whale with a large blowhole I’d go see Shamu not u….

If you want sympathy, its in the dictionary between shit and syphilis.

Here’s to getting stuck behind the never-ending train when you’re already late.

I don’t get Grindr profiles with headless bodies that say “just looking for friends.” Then why the hell you on Grindr, bitch?

I finally decided to get one of those online accounts to try to meet a decent guy, and once again everyone is only looking for the same thing: to hook up. Is there any outlet out there to meet a normal guy?

I had a dream about my ex last night, but it was more like a nightmare.  How can he still be bothering me three years later?

Ugh, I haven’t wanted to work out in weeks, but I don’t want to get out of shape.

What a shitty 4th of July weekend.  It was raining all freakin weekend and I got zero sun.  I guess it’s back to the tanning bed to catch up.

This guy keeps asking me to send him nude pics of me, but he will never send any of himself back.  When he finally does send pics back, they are of other guys.

Some days I wake up and really despise being gay.  It’s like vicious cycle of meeting guys, hooking up, and then starting over again.  I really don’t see anything changing anytime soon.

I was out the other night and couldn’t find my check card and couldn’t drink most of the night.  Come to find out it was underneath my seat in the car the whole time.

Eclipse was really good and I want to know what happens next, but I HATE reading and don’t want to read through 700+ pages in the final book.

I was hooking up with this guy and he lasted literally one minute.  I was like WTF? Then of course I had to finish myself off.

Every time I leave work there is always a swarm of people drinking outside for happy hour.  I have to fight so hard to not join them.

I love Lindsay Lohan to death, but I hope she does not get out of jail early.  I think it would be shitty if she didn’t learn her lesson from this and get her life back on track.

Do you have a “Bitch” you want to submit?  Post it on the Mega Bitches facebook page and it just may end up in future edition of the Florida Agenda.