Florida Agenda

By Cliff Dunn

The approach of Valentine’s Day and the treble victories of Rick Santorum in Republican primaries this week bear more than a passing relationship to one another, as well as to some other things of LGBT interest this week, than might first be apparent. Although couples of every stripe, political and socio-economic, gay and straight (and BTQ, too), will exchange the gee-gaws of lovers on Feb. 14, there’s no first-hand evidence of what exactly they will be commemorating on that day.
The name “Valentinus” isn’t even mentioned in the earliest lists of Roman martyrs compiled in the 4th Century A.D. The first “Feast of St. Valentine” was celebrated in 496 by Pope Gelasius I, who named

“Valentine” as one of those “… whose names are justly reverenced among men, but whose acts are known only to God.” Even the Holy Father didn’t quite know what we are honoring.
Fast forward to this Valentine’s Day, and we find that love is in the air as the self-described One Million Moms (an affiliate of the American Family Association) pressure retailer JC Penney to fire its new spokesperson, Ellen DeGeneres–an action so contemptible that even Bill O’Reilly called it “McCarthyism,” saying that One Million Moms is behaving in an un-American fashion to “actively push for a private company to fire an American citizen based on her lifestyle. That’s just wrong.”

Of course it is, as is all bigotry hidden behind a veneer of “religious freedom” and “freedom of speech,” both of which I personally revere. But a scoundrel is a scoundrel, and a bigot is a bigot, even if he is pretending to  be somebody’s “Mom.” (DeGeneres’ unruffled response this week: “My haters are  my motivators.”)

Last week in this publication, Nick Stone opined as a gay Republican on the reasons why he supports a Mitt Romney presidential candidacy (and in this issue, Marc Paige offers his own thoughts on why Stone and Romney are full of … it). I spent a number of years “living among the Mormons,” and found that any xenophobia that I thought existed concerning their culture and my own was both misplaced and wholly a product of my own imagination. In the main, they are, individually and collectively, men and women of goodwill, straight, gay, bi, and questioning, Republican and—well, mostly Republican, but willing to hear an honest “gentile” out on issues of mutual import.

Ironically, the LDS Church-owned KSL-TV in Salt Lake City (an NBC affiliate) carries Ellen DeGeneres’ program every weekday, and its news programs ran a story last month that praised the comedian for a $100,000 grant her program made to an elementary school located in Utah County, Utah, home of Brigham Young University and the most conservative spot in the most conservative place on the planet. Talk about the lamb and the lion.

When I listen to gay Republicans extol upon the lonely existence of the queer conservative, I sympathize with their contention that they are not “one issue voters” focusing solely on marriage equality or the plight of LGBT armed service members. And there are plenty of gay-bashing registered Democrats to be sure. But I have a hard time reconciling the Mitt Romney of 1994, who said “I am more convinced than ever before that as we seek to establish full equality for America’s gay and lesbian citizens, I will provide more effective leadership than my opponent” (who happened to be Ted Kennedy), with the Mitt Romney of yesterday, who, after the federal appeals panel’s ruling that California’s Proposition 8 is offensive to the Constitution, offered helpfully “Today, unelected judges cast aside the will of the people of California who voted to protect traditional marriage. This decision does not end this fight.”

Ron Paul, usually a paragon of principle, has danced around the marriage equality question with all the skills of Rudolf Nureyev (gay), Tommy Tune (gay, too), or Alvin Ailey (also gay). One side of Paul’s mouth speaks fluent “libertarian” (“I am supportive of all voluntary associations and people can call it whatever they want.”). The other side does a mean imitation of Mussolini, as authoritarian as any Leather Daddy in wielding the whip of the Federal Government to make the states bend to a narrow—and dare I say it? bigoted)—You’re-Not-Admitted-to-Our-Club mean spiritedness. It is as sour as is his default facial expression (“I supported the Defense of Marriage Act, which used Congress’ constitutional authority to define what other states have to recognize under the Full Faith and Credit Clause, to ensure that no state would be forced to recognize a same sex marriage license issued in another state.”).

Like Paul, Rick Santorum–who swept the Minnesota and Colorado GOP caucuses and the non-binding Missouri primary this Tuesday–has an appeal to those who are inclined to dislike (or worse) LGBT persons. Unlike Paul, who at least has the courtesy—and one supposes, the guts–to agonize about his conflicting views, Hamlet-like, in the public arena, Santorum has no such love for
the subtleties of human behavior— or, apparently, human love. He compares “consensual sex within your home” to “bigamy,” “polygamy,” “incest,” and “adultery.” Now isn’t that romantic?

“Love, American Style: Truer than the Red, White and Blue. Love, American Style: That’s me and you.”

Cliff Dunn - Editor

Cliff Dunn is the Editor of Florida Agenda. He can be reached at Editor@FloridaAgenda.com.

Valentine’s Day top 10 Romantic tips & Safe guards to
ensure Valentine’s is perfect for you and your partner.

1. Take your loved one on a replica of your first date.

2. Don’t go straight for the obvious. This is a holiday to show your partner you know and love them; don’t give them chocolates if they are off carbs or flowers if they are allergic or the worst – jewellery if they don’t even wear watch!

3. Leave little love post it notes over the house for them to find, in the bathroom, on the coffee filter and on their windscreen. Use pet names or just tell them why you love them.

4. A single red rose speaks volumes over the screaming of your Amex bill for 200. Remember it’s not what you spend, it’s what it means. The best gift I ever got was a chocolate egg!

5. Make a reservation! Don’t leave it to the last minute and hope for the best – check out OpenTable.com.

6. Stay in, cook a meal, get the wine flowing and snuggle up, the quality time will be appreciated.

Making the effort will speak volumes about your love.

7. With a black marker pen write love messages along the length of a kitchen roll. Unroll it along the floor from the door they will enter to where you are. It’s a treasure trail and the treasure is you.

8. Get them a gift they wouldn’t get themselves. It shows you know what they need. E.g. a set of wine glasses if they drink wine out of a cup. Or a smart drink stirrer if they always mix drinks with the back end of a knife!

9. Go away for the night; there are plenty of amazing hotels in Florida or places to visit. Take the night and go to a hotel and be on vacation for the one night. 1

0. MY Favourite which I did once, is arrange to meet your partner at a bar and pretend you don’t know each other, either role play with your fantasy characters or just have a first date without the pressure.

Valentine’s day is named after early Christian martyrs named Valentine and was established by Pope Gelasius I in 500 AD. Its association with romantic love in the circle of Geoffrey Chaucer in the High Middle Ages, began when the tradition of courtly love flourished. It’s a precarious holiday; if you are single you either revel in the hope or the hate of the holiday of love. If you are partnered this one day of the whole year could make or break your relationship. Don’t worry we have you covered whatever your situation with a selection of our ‘Top 10’s’ to enjoy or to smugly resent those ‘sucked into a hallmark holiday’! Enjoy!

Good

My Top 10 Valentine’s Day movies to sob to or snuggle with your loved one.

1 Pretty Woman
2 Notting Hill
3 Gone with the Wind
4 Casablanca
5 Titanic
6 Sleepless in Seattle
7 The Wedding Planner
8 P.S. I love You
9 The Notebook
10 When Harry Met Sally

Top 10 pick up lines: to make you howl or cringe because you used them!!

‘You don’t need to text me,
I am already here’

‘If this bar is a meat market,
you must be the prime rib.’

‘Do you come here often?’

‘If I followed you home,
would you keep me?’

‘Hi. You’ll do.’

‘Let’s go to my place and do the things
I’ll tell everyone we did anyway.’

‘Unlock please.’

‘Can I buy you a drink
or do you just want the money?’

‘What’s a slut like you doing in a
classy joint like this??’

‘That’s a nice shirt;
it would go great with my floor.’

Top 10 Love Songs for the hopeful, the loved up and the soppy!

1 Unforgettable – Nat King Cole
2 My Funny Valentine – Ella Fitzgerald
3 I will always love you – Dolly Parton
4 Stand By Your Man – Tammy Wynette
5 Everything I do (I do it for you) – Bryan Adams
6 Hopelessly Devoted To You – Olivia Newton John
7 The Wind Beneath My Wings – Bette Midler
8 It Must Have Been Love – Roxette
9 How Do I Live – LeAnn Rimes
10 Save the Best For Last – Vanessa Williams

Bad

My Top 10 Anti Valentine’s Day Movies to revel in the horror of love!

1 Sleeping With the Enemy
2 War of the Roses
3 Fatal Attraction
4 The First Wives Club
5 The Break Up
6 The Valentine’s Day Massacre
7 American Beauty
8 Enough
9 Basic Instinct
10 Ruthless People

The Top 10 Anti Valentine’s songs the soundtrack to a proud singleton shunning the hallmar holiday

1 D.I.V.O.R.C.E – Dolly Parton
2 Your Cheating Heart – Hank Williams
3 Your Lying Eyes – The Eagles
4 Love Hurts – Cher
5 Single Ladies – Beyonce
6 I Will Survive – Gloria Gaynor
7 I’ll never fall in love again – Dionne Warwick
8 I Who Have Nothing – Shirley Bassey
9 Only Fools Rush in – Elvis
10 Till Death Do Us Part – Madonna

By ARLEN KEITH LEIGHT, PH.D., LLC

FACT:

More relationships break up on Valentine’s Day than any other day of the year.

Valentine’s Day is supposed to be about roses and romance, dining and dancing, sensuality and sex. It is unrealized expectations that create a sense of loss and the realization that “my relationship is not what I really want it to be”. The hype around Valentine’s Day magnifies the emptiness and heightens the desire to have a more complete and fulfilling partnership. The result is often separation and moving on.

This is not necessarily a bad thing. Maybe we got involved with someone who was perfect for us when we met, but we have a different world view now. Or, perhaps, the man or women we once knew to be warm and generous is now cold, indifferent or abusive. Often the person who used to bring out the best in us now brings out the worst. Sometimes it is best to leave behind a relationship that is not working.

Then there are times when everything is working quite well, but the sexual connection is just not what it used to be or what it could be. It is true that the hot sex you had when you first met will never be hot in the same way, but that does not necessarily mean it cannot be passionate, new, different and fun.

It always starts with communication. Talk about what’s going onor what’s not going on. Let your partner know something is not working for you. It doesn’t get easier with time, so don’t put it off. Let your love for one another guide the conversation and not some resentment or hurt. It is important to express feelings without assessing blame.

Talk about how TOGETHER you can make your sex life work for you. The old idea of planning a date is a good idea. Do something you really enjoy doing together. It doesn’t have to be going out for dinner. Take a walk on the beach, that bike ride you’ve been meaning to take together or a long drive to a place that has special meaning. Set the tone for coming home to shower together, candlelight, and music. Shut off those cell phones, unplug the phone at home, and make each other your only focus of interest for the day or evening. Ask yourself if your work or other interests are more important than the connection with your partner. What does it mean to you if the answer is “yes”?

Often times our relationships have become so nice, the bed we share feels too sacred or just too boring for some hot, passionate lovemaking. Plan to go separately and meet at some sleazy hotel. Live out a fantasy. Bring some toys. TALK about what might be fun. Try something you’ve always wanted to do sexually but were afraid to ask.

Step out of your comfort zone. Free yourself from the usual-after all, that’s just not working.

Find ways to break the rules. Use pornography or create it. Bring a video camera. Be a porn star for an evening. Talk dirty, breath hard, scream loud. Remember what HOT sex was like. Recreate it with your partner. Make out in public. Take it to the beach or into the woods. Try phone sex with your partner.

What about leather and/or lace? Don’t be shy; tell your partner what turns you on. Whips? Chains? Restraints? Why waste a good fetish by keeping it to yourself? Visit the local leather/fetish shop together and find some items that might be fun for one or both of you.

There is also the possibility of bringing a third person in to play with you. This option can be very exciting and often works well to reenergize a sexual relationship. However, because of the many issues and challenges that can arise, be certain you have formulated parameters around how it will work, and that includes safe sex.

Finally, there are many couples who love each other deeply, but there seem to be too many barriers and/or obstacles to reigniting sexual passion. If it is OK with both partners to agree that the sexual part of their relationship is simply a part of the past, there is nothing wrong or bad about that. However, if one or both would like something more, there are workable steps that can be taken under the supervision of a trained clinical sexologist that may help. Any couple feeling dissatisfied with any aspect of their relationship that they can’t seem to work out themselves should seriously consider asking for professional help. What is more important than a healthy and strong loving partnership? And what could be better than a healthy, strong loving partnership with good, fun, passionate sex? Happy Valentine’s Day!

Kevin Miller Cartoon

Click On Image to View Full Scale

Phil Henricks Talks Valentine’s & Dating—Online.

By TROY MAILLIS

Valentine’s Day is right around the corner and Cupid is taking aim. So what is it that you are looking for this year? Love? Hot sex? A new relationship? Prince charming to come sweep you off your feet? Unfortunately, we don’t live in a fairytale and this is not a Taylor Swift song. Finding love, or even a date, in the gay community can be as challenging as convincing Helena Bonham Carter to dress like a princess come Oscar night. Being single on Valentine’s Day can either be a blessing or a curse. Will you celebrate this day of love by loving yourself, or will you go off the deep end and drink yourself into oblivion? Finding love— or sex for that matter—online is nothing new in our world. You get to pick and choose who you want to talk to and who you ultimately want to meet up with. You are the conductor of your own private symphony of lust and abandon. Phil Henricks, Head Of North American Market, Gaydar.net, recently opened up to Florida Agenda about Valentine’s Day, online dating and the future of finding that someone special in the viral world. Hey, Cupid’s arrow may only be one click away.

AGENDA: Does traffic and membership generally increase around Valentine’s Day? If so, how much?

PHIL: The beginning of the year is always crazy busy. After 10 years in this business, I can tell you January is always the busiest month for a lot of reasons. New Year’s resolutions (out with the old, in with the new…boys), guys rebounding from holiday blues, the winter blahs and of course, Valentine’s Day right on the horizon. All these things add up to guys getting a bit more serious about romance. More “LTR,” than “NSA.” For a lot of guys, especially up north, a snuggle buddy sounds really good right now, so they’re out husband hunting!

Photo: Phil Hendricks, Head Of North American Market, Gaydar

How do you think Valentine’s Day differs for gay couples and straight couples?

Not much, really, if we’re honest. Everyone loves a Valentine’s Day card, extra attention, a sweet date and a nice box—of chocolates. Even the most “masc jock” has a soft spot for romance. That said, I don’t think gay couples–in general because frankly, like straight guys, we’re men–take it as seriously as the ladies do. Girls get crazy, whereas guys are pretty low-key or even forget. At least until they get home.

Why do you think so many gay men look for love and/or companionship online as opposed to finding it in public?

We’re busy. Whether you’ve got a corporate gig, are a personal trainer or waiter, everyone’s strapped for time. A great number of us, regardless of our profession, are online the greater part of a day, so it’s easy to just hop online, sniff around and weed through your likes and dislikes–your preferences–online. It’s also a godsend for guys who are too busy or live in remote areas, as they now have a shot a meeting their true love, in ways they never could before online dating. But once you’ve met that nice guy, it’s all about downshifting from the instant gratification of the internet to the real-time work and patience of dating.

How much has online dating increased over the last decade and what does the future hold?

Ten years ago online dating was virtually taboo, the wild west of dating. Now, it’s totally respectable and expected. If you meet someone who doesn’t have at least one profile on a dating or social network site you wonder what’s up, what’s he hiding? As far as the future goes, it’s all about mobile.

We’re no longer chained to a laptop, thanks to devices like iPhones and iPads, both of which support our spanking new Gaydar App (plug, plug), which will be available for the Android this Spring.

Do you or have you personally used gay online dating sites to meet “the one”?

I have memberships on several sites and have met some of my closest friends, best “dates” and a few exes— all online. It works for me on a lot of levels, and I think this is true for a lot of guys.

Do you think online memberships are leaning more towards legitimate dating instead of just hooking up? Or will online dating always carry a stigma of trolling for sex?

I think guys who think online dating is purely for hook-ups haven’t spent enough time checking out the variety of dating sites available to them. There are a variety of sites out there covering the spectrum from frisky “drop ‘em!” “NSA” play, to serious “I want the ring!” Gaydar offers both. Guys who dismiss online dating sites as hook-up sites are as much of a throwback as guys who used to resort to cruising dirty bookstores. As Flannery O’Connor famously said, “A good man is hard to find,” and as Mae West retorted, “”A hard man is good to find”—but ya gotta look!

Is gayday.net HIV-positive friendly? Do you think there need to me more online dating sites for HIVpositive men to meet others?

Gaydar is very HIV-positive friendly as are most sites. Gaydar handles the HIV+/HIV-/Safe Sex issue somewhat differently than other sites. We don’t ask users to state whether he is HIV+ or HIV-. Instead, we have a Safe Sex pull-down tab on our profile pages from which guys can select “Always,” “Sometimes,” “Never,” or “Needs Discussion.” At the end of the day, when you consider issues like frequency of HIV testing, the 3-month window of abstinence to be sure the results are accurate and drug use, the real issue is do you engage in safe sex or not? The choice is yours. HIV-/HIV+ or HIV+/HIV+, with 6,000,000 members, chances are you’ll find a compatible sex partner. And when you do meet, look each other in the eye, put down the cocktail and talk about it: Get comfortable with each other as men, not bodies, even if it’s just a “NSA” fling. No post-orgasmic remorse!

Have any couples written in to thank gaydar.net for getting them together?

Yes, we get many emails from happy couples around the world. We even have a photo in the office of a couple from Boston that met on Gaydar and got married.

What are some elements of a profile that would render it unapproved?

Oh brother! We’re pretty relaxed, but we do have a list. Here ya go, straight (ish) from the approval room: Pedophilia, bestiality, necrophilia, kiddy porn, violence, mutilation, police uniforms, weapons (guns, knives, AK47s, grenade launchers), drugs—basically, all the fun stuff— plus, celebrity photos not posted by the celebrity himself (hello Boy George!) and then, of course, boring practical things like copyrighted material, links to other dating sites and photos containing contact details.

What makes Gaydar.net different or more appealing than other gaymember sites?

Well, 6,000,000 members worldwide for starters, as we like to say, “lots of fresh faces from around the world and around the corner.” As an international site, it’s not only great for guys looking for local dates, but also for guys planning a trip. Hit the travel button, enter your travel plans and arrange to have a friendly face greet you on your arrival! Gaydar profiles are very flexible and allow members to truly express who they are and what they’re looking for, plus upload up to 26 photos and even videos. Strut your stuff, display some wit, be honest, nice and for God’s sake, smile! We really try to make it as easy to be yourself, because that’s the key to dating success. Additionally, our App is fully integrated with its host website, allowing App and web users the exact same access to its profiles and options— pretty cool and convenient. No parallel profiles! We’re in the process of giving the website an extreme makeover, which will be ready for the big reveal this Spring. Finally, the first month is free full access, so for those lonely hearts out there, time to jump on Gaydar and find your honey. Or, er, stud!

Love is in the air this Valentine’s Day, courtesy of some of our favorite ladies of the dance floor. It’s not the sweet, candycovered romantic love these girls are singing about.

Taking their cue from gay boys who look for love in all the wrong places ? you know who you are ? these girls shoot their arrows past the Mr. Rights that treat lovers well. Instead, their songs take aim at the Mr. Wrongs that treat them oh so good.

Emii – “Mr. Romeo”

Emii would do well on Manhunt or Grindr. For her, romance is not about landing the guy; it’s about taking off, flying high, and enjoying the ride. She sings about it in her explosive new song, “Mr. Romeo”, a high powered dance romp that features one of the original partiers of hip hop, Snoop Dog.

“I am no Juliet,” she confirms. “I am strong hearted, fierce, and independent.”

About finding her own Romeo this Valentine’s Day, Emii says, “When the love is right, maybe it will last until death and beyond, but I’m not hanging on unless it’s right.”

She’s also not looking for the fairy-tale. She prefers her guys rough, tough and a little bit dangerous. “Let’s just say I have someone in mind when I sing, ‘Come here and bite me like an animal.’”

KELLI – “Gave Up on Love”

For a girl who presented herself as independent and in control on the hit Bravo reality show, “NYC Prep”, Kelli admits deep down she is full of contradictions and is extremely sensitive. “I can be guarded and maybe a little over-protective when it comes to relationships,” she says. “I believe maintaining strength requires a strong offense and an even stronger defense.” She sings about the protective walls she has built in her debut single, “Gave Up on Love”, a song she co-wrote that sheds light on the intensity of budding romances. “When you’re young, you feel you need to give all of your self and soul into a relationship,” says Kelli. “But most relationships are bound to end – and oftentimes badly. “It’s important that people embrace who they are before trying to get someone else to love you,” she continues. “It’s so silly to live for a guy or a girl who in the end, you’ll likely realize is not worth the time or tears.”

SARIAH – “All about Sex”

“I found my ‘All about Sex’ man on the dance floor,” laughs Sariah, the Queen of Hearts, whose sophomore single about nostrings attached romances releases in time for Valentines Day. “I loved that everything was crystal clear. We both knew what we were there for and there was no baggage.”

Inevitably, however, the guy began inquiring about Sariah’s life outside of their arrangement. “That’s when things got tricky. We began to think there might be something more to us so we made an effort to see each other outside of the bed. Our conventional relationship became confusing and worse, it lost the intrigue. Soon after that, I stopped returning his text messages.”

“Just goes to show ya, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it,” concludes Sariah. “A purely sexual relationship can be satisfying.” And it can inspire a great single, too. “All about Sex” is on dancefloors now.