Holland’s friends mourned his passing online. In a post at guymag.net, Brian C. Connelly said of Holland, “you were always kind to me, thank you,” and noted “the effects of addiction, and the people it touches, the drama it causes, the alienation & isolation,” adding that “all this emotional stinking thinking dominates a person with above average intelligence, who can be kind, loving, generous and can contribute greatly to the community.”

Holland opened Zoo Two on Wilton Drive in 2001, selling a large selection of higher-end clothing apparel for men. Holland is survived by sisters Peggy Holland and Robin Holland Alourdas.

A Facebook post on the latter’s page is asking for donations to help transport Holland’s remains for burial in Baltimore.

Stephen Jerome

By BOB KECSKEMETY

FORT LAUDERDALE – Officials continue to investigate the circumstances surrounding the death of local attorney Stephen D. Jerome, who committed suicide on Friday, March 9, after leaping 11 stories from the rooftop of his Pompano Beach office located in the BankAtlantic building at 1600 South Federal Hgwy., less than 24 hours after authorities executed a search warrant at his Fort Lauderdale home for materials related to child pornography (Florida Agenda, March 15, 2012).

Documents indicate that police were looking for specific videos containing potentially explicit and illegal materials. Jerome, who graduated from University of Miami School of Law in 1977, was arrested for possession of drug paraphernalia, oxycodone, and marijuana, which investigators found at the scene.

When Jerome, 61, posted $1,000 bond the following morning, he went to his law office where, excusing himself, he leapt from the roof, three floors above. According to Broward County acting Medical Examiner Dr. Darin Trelka, Jerome, Jerome died at the scene “from multiple blunt force injuries.”

Jerome’s suicide came just a day before his scheduled opening night performance at the Pembroke Pines Theater of the Performing Arts’ musical production of Mel Brooks’ play “The Producers.” The attorney, who loved the musical theater form, according to friends, was known to break out into song while in court.

Jerome’s arrest prior to his suicide was not his first. The attorney was charged in 1990 with sexual performance by a child after police found child pornography magazines in his bedroom closet. He pled no contest and was sentenced to probation and community service, and the Florida Bar Association temporarily suspended his license to practice.

Jerome’s Condom Man character was part of his community service for the 1990 arrest. In the guise of superhero named Condom Man, Jerome donned a cape and mask and would go to local gay clubs and bars on weekend evenings passing out condoms in addition to educating and extolling the virtues of safer sex practices to the patrons He had since built his practice back into a successful bankruptcy law practice.

With additional reporting by Rory Barbarossa.

By Cliff Dunn

The man who reportedly engaged in intimate contact with a Rutgers University student who subsequently killed himself–after footage of the encounter was made public–gave a sworn account last week in which he testified having noticed a Webcam pointed in their direction during their encounter. The student, Tyler Clementi, committed suicide in September 2010.

“I had just glanced over my shoulder and I noticed there was a webcam that was faced toward the direction of the bed,” the man, who has been identified only by the initials “M.B.,” testified. “It just struck me as strange, that if you were sitting at a desk, that the camera would be pointed that way.”

“Just being in a compromising position and seeing a camera lens – it just stuck out to me.’’ M.B. also recalled not seeing an activated indicator light denoting that the cam was turned on. His testimony was the most anticipated in the trial of Dharun Ravi, Clementi’s roommate, who is charged with bias intimidation, invasion of privacy, and other crimes.

Ravi is not charged in connection with Clementi’s death.

M.B., the prosecution’s star witness, testified that he and Clementi, 18, first met in August 2010 via a gay men’s social networking site. The man, who said he was 30 years old at the time, met Clementi in the latter’s Rutgers’ dorm room on Sept. 17, two days before the alleged Webcam spying occurred.

The media was ordered by the judge to neither photograph nor record via audio or video any part of M.B.’s testimony. The man’s attorney successfully fought legal efforts to identify M.B., on the grounds that’s he may be the victim of an alleged sex crime, which New Jersey classifies invasion of privacy. M.B.’s real name was given to the jurors in order to make sure none of them knew him personally.

Although M.B.’s testimony carried both emotional and anecdotal weight, it did little to bring to light the reasons Tyler Clementi may have killed himself. In text messages between Clementi and M.B.—who was listed as “Mike Nice” in the former’s cellphone address book—the Rutgers students projects the image of an emotionally-engaged and newly infatuated teenager.

The attorney for M.B., Richard Pompelio, spoke with reporters during a break in testimony. Pompelio said he doesn’t believe that M.B. is married and doesn’t know if his client is out as a gay man. “He’s a fine young man who came here under horrible circumstances to tell the truth,” said Pompelio.

M.B. testified that he lived approximately 20 minutes from Clementi and Rutgers. He said that he and Clementi met a total of three times in the latter’s dorm room. The shortest of their dates lasted for approximately 45 minutes, while the longest took place for about two hours. The first encounter took place on Sept. 17, when Ravi was not expected until late at night, M.B. recollected. The man said in court that he left Clementi long before Ravi’s return. “I made sure to leave well before 2 a.m. as to not cause any conflict,’’ he recounted.

The second meeting took place on Sept. 19, the date of the alleged Webcam incident. On that evening, Ravi posted on Twitter: “Roommate asked for the room till midnight. I went into molly’s room and turned on my webcam. I saw him making out with another dude. Yay [sic].”

In court, M.B. testified that about a half dozen students were in the vicinity as he left the dormitory that night. “There were no thoughts that somebody might be watching me,” he said under oath. “If I saw a light on [the Webcam], maybe I would have brought it up. There was no light on,” M.B. insisted.

In order to prove the criminal charges of bias intimidation, prosecutors must prove that Ravi intimidated Clementi specifically because he was gay. That charge has been refuted by several of the prosecution’s own witnesses.

Even the fact that M.B. was not aware that the Webcam had been activated for a few seconds—or was even capable of being activated– and that he was unaware of the roommate’s Twitter messages about the romantic encounters will make it difficult for prosecutors to attribute intimidation to Ravi’s motives.
Last week, prosecutors presented several witnesses who confirmed that they had seen Clementi and M.B. kissing that night via Ravi’s Webcam feed.

Clementi and M.B. met for the third and final time on Sept. 21 in Clementi’s dorm room. M.B. testified that he had heard voices through the window, “talking in the courtyard–people joking, people laughing. It seemed like the jokes were at somebody else’s expense.”

Because of hearsay rules, the judge would not permit M.B. to describe how Clementi’s reaction to the derisive laughter. And since M.B. did not look out the dorm room window (thus preventing him from identifying the individuals who were laughing) and could not testify to the content of the jokes, his testimony cannot link Ravi to the charges of bias intimidation.
The defense has portrayed Ravi as insensitive, but not biased against Clementi’s sexuality. His attorneys are painting a picture of the normal social awkwardness associated with the freshman experience between two unfamiliar roommates.

Ravi, a native of India, was an outgoing, Ultimate Frisbee-playing techie from an upper middle class suburb of Princeton. Clementi, an accomplished violinist, was socially awkward and had only recently come out to his parents.

Friends of the defendant confirmed that he had set up the Webcam in his and Clementi’s room, and that Ravi appeared to be “uncomfortable” about being assigned a gay roommate. After Clementi and M.B.’s initial encounter, Ravi allegedly utilized a friend’s computer to test his own Webcam, in order to capture a better angle on Clementi’s bed in the hours before the gay teen brought his male guest over a second time.

Lokesh Ojha, another student residing in the same dormitory, testified that Ravi approached him for assistance. “He wanted to use my computer,” Ojha recalled during testimony. “He picked my iChat and he clicked his video and a video of his room came up.” According to Ojha, Ravi “went to his room and he told me to check the angle on his webcam.”

“I went to the computer and he went to his room and he turned his computer screen, and I gave him a ‘thumbs up’ that it was okay,” Ojha recalled. On Sept. 21, two days after M.B.’s second date with Clementi, Ravi sent another Twitter post: “Anyone with iChat, I dare you to video chat me between the hours of 9:30 and 12. Yes, it’s happening again.” Students testified that when Clementi learned of Ravi’s Webcam plan, he disconnected it.

In cross-examination, the defense grilled M.B. as to the reasons he and Clementi chose to meet in the latter’s dorm room, rather than a more public location, and why M.B. hadn’t spent the night. “I didn’t want to cause any type of conflict between [the roommates],” M.B. offered. “I left happy. He was happy,” he described his last encounter
with Clementi.

At approximately 8:42 p.m. on Sept. 22, 2010, Clementi posted on Facebook: “Going to jump off the gw bridge sorry.” Authorities say that later that evening, Clementi committed suicide by jumping from the George Washington Bridge.

M.B. testified that when he did not hear from the Rutgers student, he sent text messages to Clementi “twice a day every day.” He learned of the teen’s death after reading a print account of his suicide. “I didn’t know it until I picked up a newspaper,” M.B. said.

Court records indicate that shortly after Clementi’s final Facebook update, at around 8:46 p.m., Ravi texted his roommate to offer an explanation for the Webcam feed and an apology. Minutes later, at 8:56 p.m., Ravi sent a final text to Clementi: “I’ve known you were gay and I have no problem with it,” it read. “I don’t want your freshman year to be ruined because of a petty misunderstanding, its adding to my guilt. You have the right to move if you wish but don’t want you to feel pressured to without fully under-standing the situation.”

According to the Broward County Medical Examiner’s Office, there have been five or six reported suicides in Wilton Manors since 2008, compared with two suicides in 2006, and two in 2007. The past four years’ statistics translate to an annual rate of 47.3 suicides per population of 100,000 residents–the highest rate in Broward County and more than three times the county’s rate of 14 per 100,000.

Among 2011’s reported suicides, in August, a man with a reported history of mental illness, 44, shot himself; a gay man, 40, hanged himself in October following a romantic breakup; and a married man and father, 52, killed himself by stepping in front of a train: the man had reportedly been conflicted about his sexual identity.

“Gay people are still devalued and marginalized by our society,” offered Arlen Leight, Ph.D., a Wilton Manors-based clinical psychologist. “More than internalized homophobia, there is an internalized heterosexism that is a part of all of us who have grown up to believe that heterosexual lives and relationships are ‘the norm,’” added Leight, whose practice focuses on issues of sexuality and intimacy.  “As such, we do not feel our relationships–our way of being–are as good as those
of heterosexuals.”

Data from the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention reports that the 45-to-54 age group accounts nationally for one in five suicides. It is the highest proportion of suicides for any age group. That number is ‘ground zero’ for much of Wilton Manors’ population, with the U.S. Census reporting that the 40 to 60 year-old demographic comprises 42 percent of the city’s overall population. That same demographic accounted for 64 percent of the suicides—or 14 of 22–in the city for the past four years.

“Within our community there is undue pressure, even greater than in the society-at-large, to fit in and conform, to have a certain look, to be outgoing and even to couple,” notes Dr. Leight. “Oppressed people often look for external validation to give a sense of self-esteem not offered by the greater culture. Such men and women are most vulnerable to feeling shamed
and depressed.”

City officials have scheduled a town hall meeting on April 19 to provide residents with information about recognizing the warning signs of suicide, and where to get help. It is putting the program together with help from the Florida Initiative for Suicide Prevention (FISP). A 2011 study published in the Journal of Homosexuality reported on a growing body of research that shows a “significantly elevated suicide risk among LGBT people compared to  heterosexual people.”

Kenneth John Gemmell, 30, took his own life Feb. 3 on the “Allure of the Seas” cruise ship off the coast of Cozumel, Mexico. Gemmell, a flight attendant for UAE Airlines stationed in Dubai, was a native of Bailieborough, County Cavan, Ireland.

The Irish Independent newspaper reported this week that Gemmell’s family is “desperately trying” to understand what transpired two weeks ago during those fateful early morning hours.

“They particularly would like to hear from the person who witnessed him going overboard. The family has said they want nothing more than to understand what drove their son, who had just turned 30 last Tuesday,” noted the Examiner.com.

The seven-day cruise left Fort Lauderdale on Sunday, Jan. 29, and was heading for Cancun before returning to Fort Lauderdale.

Although Gemmell’s family insists the man “was not a suicide risk,” a spokeswoman for Royal Caribbean Cruises Limited told reporters that the ship’s closed circuit video “clearly” shows “the guest went overboard intentionally.” Gemmell was one of more than 4,500 passengers on board the “Allure of the Seas” as it sailed round-trip from Florida to Mexico, and back again.

“He was alone on the balcony in his stateroom on Deck 11 when he stepped on top of the balcony table in order to jump over the balcony railing,” the spokeswoman said. “The footage is consistent with
an eyewitness report from another guest,” she added.

The “Allure” cruise was chartered by Atlantis Events, the self-described “largest company in the world dedicated to creating unique vacations for the gay and
lesbian community.”

Gemmell’s father, James, told the Irish Independent that “Kenneth was not a suicide risk. He went out on a holiday and was very happy. We just don’t understand what happened.”

The body of their son—who celebrated his 30th birthday during the first days of the “Allure” cruise—has not been recovered. James Gemmell and his wife, Colette, say they fear something “untoward” may have transpired during the cruise. Those fears were exacerbated by reports that their son had “exchanged words” with a crewmember—possibly a bartender—on the evening before his death, and that the crewman in questioned failed to re-board after having disembarked in Cozumel. The cruise line disputed this version of events, claiming they are not “aware” of an altercation between Gemmell and one of the crew. The spokeswoman for the company also said there were no unaccounted crewmembers following the stop in Cozumel.

South Florida law enforcement agencies as well as the Mexican and U.S. coast guards were alerted by ship’s officers when Gemmell’s absence was confirmed. “The ship made multiple public announcements and began a complete search of the ship, in efforts to locate the guest,” said a statement from Royal Caribbean. “When the guest did not respond to the pages and was not found onboard, the captain alerted the local authorities of the situation,” the statement read.

Raised in an extremist Christian household, assaulted in a classroom with a teacher present, EricJames Borges, 19, of Visalia, Calif., was repeatedly bullied, tormented and terrorized for the duration of his childhood and teen years. Exorcisms, beatings and extreme Christianity pervaded his young life and did not “cure” him. “Disgusting, perverted, unnatural and going to hell” is what his parents told him as he was kicked out of his home. Just last month, EricJames made a video for the “It Gets Better” project, a campaign that features personal hope-filled videos to LGBT teens to get them through difficult times. On Jan., 14, 2012, EricJames committed suicide, shocking his friends and his co-workers at The Trevor Project. Melanie Nathan attended one of his funerals, and obtained a copy of one of his suicide notes. This is her exclusive article which provides insight into the suicide. It originally appeared on SDGLN and GAY USA the Movie and Blog.

Never before had the sound of “Edge of Glory” been so inconceivable; EricJames Borges chose Lady Gaga, and not only for the echo that would pave his heavenly journey but as a benefactor, leaving the last of his life’s dealings to his icon. Five hundred dollars would go to Lady Gaga’s Born This  Way Foundation, $500 to the Trevor Project, $521.56 to the Human Rights Campaign and almost $2,500 to his rescuer, Jennifer McGuire for her upcoming same-sex wedding. “I want it to go where it deserves; to life, love  and equality.”

Unlike during his life, nineteen year old EricJames Borges was in control at the end; he uploaded the music and chose the people; he designed his own funeral service and it was poignant. This past Saturday Borges was celebrated at one of three memorials held in Visalia and the one I attended was held by the town’s grieving LGBT community–those describing themselves as his new family. His religious extremist parents had been invited but did not attend.

Mere months before EricJames came out, he recorded an “It Gets Better” video, made a short film and gave anti-bullying suicide prevention workshops to other teens. Yet he could not sustain his own pain and committed suicide just two weeks ago. I obtained an exclusive and copyrighted copy of one of his suicide notes addressed to Jennifer McGuire and EricJames wanted all to know that he was grateful to the Trevor Project “I do not want my passing to reflect poorly on the Trevor Project,” he clarified. “That organization was the best decision I ever made in my life.”

A confused community packed the convention hall, trying to grasp the pain that could have caused this young suicide, further perplexed that even after the rescue which took him from a world of shame and torture to one of acknowledgment and safety, he would still want to die.

And so he did, in the home of a tender stranger, who took him in like her own, and whom he described in his last note as “mother-like” to him. She gave him love, safety, comfort and a Christmas like none other he had experienced in  his life.

While officiate and friend, William Van Vanlandingham, the director of the local chapter of Trevor Project noted “we are not here to point fingers,” Jennifer McGuire, the kind stranger who had opened her home to EricJames, and had grown to love him, spoke to the mourners candidly:

“I am not going to avoid the elephant in the room. He tells his story better than any of us could in his short film and “It Gets Better” video, but I need it to be spoken out loud – and said for him… his parents tortured him – there is no other word to describe it. What he shared in his video was the tip of the iceberg, and that’s only compared with what he shared with me, and I am sure there was more.

His parents tortured him by not protecting him from the extensive bullying. His parents tortured him through their relentless, extremist religious teachings. His parents tortured him with shame and intolerance and emotional and physical abuse that most of us can’t even begin to imagine. And yes, I blame them, and not just a little, but for a majority percentage… His parents killed him.”

Jennifer McGuire described how a college community including Professor Debra Hansen and Trevor Project volunteers had come to the rescue of the destitute young man. Yet all the love and support in the world would not  be enough to save EricJames from the gushing wound of his childhood and the piercing gashes of his preceding
teen years.

“By the time he got to us, his real family,” wept McGuire, “he was so injured and so wounded that the triage we provided wasn’t enough.”

While grieving friends sat weeping the air was thick with an omnipresent craving to comprehend and as McGuire continued, through the poignancy of a triage metaphor, a small light was shed on that dark day, as if to  entice understanding:

“He really was a warrior and many of us really were the MASH doctors trying to patch him up through our love and our friendship ….. we tried to stop the bleeding and in my heart I know we, all of us, did everything we could, but the wounds from the front-line, his front-line were just too severe.”

The broken hearted McGuire continued:

“Our plan was to get him through his last year at COS and help set him up in a form or apartment at UCLA where he wanted to go to film school. He was so young, so alive, so strong in so many ways, yet utterly defenseless against the hell thrown at him.

And while many of us saw that and tried to protect him, basically, he had no defenses. He didn’t know how to shrug off the torment from bullies. He didn’t know how to reject the condemnations that are ever prevalent in our society.

We gave him slogans from t-shirts and videos instead of tools. He hadn’t learned the art of removal or the snap and shoulder shrug or even anger, the defenses many of us have had, to learn to survive in this hostile world. Instead, he internalized it, all of it, and really he didn’t understand it. It wasn’t in his nature to understand the hate thrown at him.”

Describing Borges as a smart and articulate young man who barely scraped the surface of his potential, McGuire related how she prepared for his move to her home:

“The day before he moved in, I emptied the bedroom for him; I emptied the drawers and the closet because I wanted him to move in, not just stay, but live there, and I made his bed, and I put a stuffed animal dog on the bed with the fluff pillows, thinking he’d stack them all in the closet when he went to sleep.

Instead he walked into the room, saw the stuffed animal, and hugged it, and teary-eyed said, “Is this for me?” And of course, I’m like, “Ya.” And you know he slept with the dog every night.”
And the eulogies effectively conveyed the message that EricJames had sought to impart, when he noted so succinctly in his final written words: “My pain is not caused because I am gay. My pain was caused by how I was treated because I am gay.”

As McGuire concluded with an impassioned resolve to reclaim the “GAY” fight, the grieving community, and some well known activists all stood in unison, cheering, while the ultimate blast of “Edge of Glory” touched us with the sweet smell of ironic rebellion as the young man who could not be saved by anyone, controlled his own demise, leaving us with his choices and his money, defying those who stole his life, and revering those he had savored to his end.

Suicide Note: Permission granted to Florida Agenda for one time use with Article by Melanie Nathan; under license to Melanie Nathan, by J. McGuire Copyright. ©2012

Melanie Nathan of San Francisco is a lawyer, human-rights advocate and blogger for OBlogDeeOBlogDa.wordpress.com and Gay U.S.A. the Blog. She also is a regular contributor to SDGLN and The Advocate. Melanie tweets @melanienathan1.

IMAGES: Kristina Lapinski of GAY U.S.A. the Movie Copyright, Melanie Nathan, © 2012.

FORT LAUDERDALE, FL – A tragic note was struck last week just days after the departure of the Atlantis Events’ “Allure of the Seas” gay cruise, when Kenneth Gemmell of the United Kingdom leapt off the cruise ship in an apparent suicide during the early morning hours of Friday, Feb. 5. Gemmell’s death occurred while the vessel was heading back to Fort Lauderdale after spending the day near Cozumel, Mexico.

The “Allure of the Seas,” which is marketed as the world’s largest cruise ship, is operated by Royal Caribbean Cruise Lines and chartered for the Caribbean/Mexican Riviera cruise by Atlantis Events. The sailing departed Fort Lauderdale on Jan. 29 with a scheduled return date of Feb. 5.

Paul Cote and Matty Miles were passengers on the “Allure.” The two host a daily gay Internet radio talk program, “The Paul and Matty Show,” on www.QNation.fm, and had been invited by Atlantis Events to broadcast their show live from the cruise.

They say that they were awakened early Friday morning when an “all-call announcement” broadcast another passenger’s name. When the person called didn’t respond,  the muster alarm sounded, and all passengers were ordered to assemble at their  respective muster stations for an emergency head count. The announcement intimated that the ship’s crew believed that someone had fallen overboard.

“They had reviewed the video footage from the surveillance cameras and someone had, in fact, fallen off the ship,” Cote said. “During this time, we sat there for an hour-and-a-half as they searched the rooms looking for the missing person. Then we were allowed back in rooms.”

The “Allure’s” closed-circuit footage showed the 30-year-old British passenger as he went over the balcony railing from his Deck 11 stateroom. The ship’s Global Positioning System (GPS) marked the vessel’s location and both the US and Mexican coast guards were alerted.

On Twitter, user @DarienneLake tweeted: “there was an announcement for someone to contact services at 6:30 a.m., then at 7 a.m. we went to muster stations to be accounted,” adding that “at 9 a.m. we were allowed back to our rooms. They have search boats looking for glitter in the water. Currently in Cozumel.”

Royal Caribbean Cruise Lines released the following statement: “A guest on-board the ship saw the man fall overboard at 12:10 p.m. (7:10 a.m. local time) on Friday. The ship made multiple public announcements and began a complete search of the ship, in efforts to locate the guest. When the guest did not respond to the pages and was not found on-board, the captain alerted the local authorities of the situation.”
Cote says that in spite of the best efforts of the captain and crew, “It did put a damper on the experience for the [passengers],” he recalled. “It was the biggest day on the ship. It was their White Party that night and everybody was getting ready and wanted to have a good time. We had been in Cozumel all day and when the ship started moving again, one of the staffers had apparently said to some people that they did, in fact,  find a suicide note that said ‘If you  couldn’t find love on a ship, then you  couldn’t find love anywhere’ and that he, in fact, jumped off the balcony.”

Cote explained that he and Miles had been scheduled to interview the “Allure’s” cruise director for their show, but that the topic of Gemmell’s suicide was off limits. They were also supposed to interview the disc  jockey who performed at the last event aboard ship during which Gemmell was  seen, but the deejay would not return  their calls.

“The captain announced that he had been a captain for 22 years,” said Cote “and that something like this had never happened  to him before. He was devastated. It was literally like the ship had gone down
with him.”

Kenneth Gemmell

WASHINGTON, D.C. – A gay teen from California has committed suicide just a month after he made an anti-suicide video urging others to “never give up.” Eric James Borges made the video in December for the “It Gets Better” campaign, which features inspiring videos targeting LGBT teens to help them get through difficult times.

In the video, Borges, 19, describes his own personal experiences as a gay youth, discussing the bullying he was subjected to from kindergarten through high school. “I know it is hard and I know what it feels like to be rejected and abused for your biological sexual orientation,” he offered. “I was physically, mentally, emotionally and verbally assaulted on a day-to-day basis for my perceived sexual orientation,” Borges added. “I was stalked, spit on, ostracized and physically assaulted.”

He also described an assault upon himself by students during high school while a teacher was present. This motivated Borges to leave formal school and finish his high school equivalency.

Borges was also open about his coming out experiences at home, describing it as an “extremist Christian household.”

“My mother knew I was gay and performed an exorcism on me in an attempt to cure me,” Borges said on the video. “My anxiety, depression, self-loathing and suicidal thoughts spiked. I had nowhere safe to go, either at home or school.” He was forced by his parents to leave home at the end of September.

Things seemed to have changed for the teen after he began working for the Trevor project to help bullied gay teens. “I have met and befriended the most incredible and authentic people since I’ve come out,” Borges noted.

He then offered assurances that reiterated the theme of the anti-suicide campaign:  “You will love and be loved and I love you. You have an entire life, fit to burst with opportunities ahead of you. Don’t ever give up and don’t ever for one second think that you’re not a valuable and beautiful contribution to this world. It gets better.”

Distraught friends say that Borges gave no indication in recent days that he was planning to end his own life. “He seemed like the normal old Eric the last time I saw him,” friend James Criss told ABC News. “He was fine. I couldn’t tell anything was wrong with him,” Criss added.

Natalie Moore alleges teachers and administrators ignored reports that her son, Jamarcus Bell, suffered racially-based bullying and harassment for perceived homosexuality and emotional disability.

According to the lawsuit filed November 21 in the US District Court in Indianapolis, the African-American student was the victim of “constant and ruthless harassment and bullying from other students” who allegedly threw pieces of metal at him during a welding class, stole his shoes, his clothing, had his book bag dumped and was physically assaulted in hallways and classrooms.

In a matter of weeks, I have had to write two heartbreaking stories about two gay teens who had committed suicide. This is news and it is my responsibility to print it. The bullying that caused the suicides continues to happen and has to be stopped. However, I am worried, as I am sure many of you are, that the reporting of these deaths and the subsequent events have taken the dangerous step over a line that is resulting in glamorizing suicide itself.

After the death of Jamey Rodemeyer, Lady Gaga projected his image on screen at one of her concerts in Las Vegas. She then pushed to have an anti-bullying law passed in his name. This was a fitting tribute, impressive, but perhaps too impressive. Jamey was elevated to almost hero status. He was noticed, cared about, and had achieved a kind of fame that is unprecedented. Even more concerning however, is the fact that there is a real danger other people who feel they identify with him will  follow his tragic footsteps.
Weeks later, Zach Quinto came out, citing his reason as the death of Jamey, and how this can’t go on. He is right, but we are talking about teenagers, impressionable young minds who quite possibly can only see that killing themselves will not only end the bullying and victimization they feel, but also create acceptance and celebrity.

What has gotten lost in all the amazing tributes and the celebrities pushing for change is the reality of suicide. Families  are torn apart and parents are destroyed. The father of Jamie Hubley, another teen who killed himself last week, said, “I couldn’t fix my little boy.” This is the reality of suicide. It is not tributes by celebrities and covers of newspapers, but heartbreak, loss and guilt.

We all need to reach out to the LGBT teens who feel they identify with the tragic stories and remind them, not only that it gets better, but that suicide is not an answer. Ever.

A few weeks ago, AJ Cross wrote a “suicide note” for the Florida Agenda to bring light to the fact that after the act is completed, there are no second chances, no opportunities, nothing. I felt duty bound at that point to add an editor’s comment to ensure that at no point did any teenager, or any member of the LGBT community for that matter, ever believe that suicide was an option.

Suicide is brought on by feelings of both hopelessness and helplessness. We have the power as a community to show that there
is hope, that great achievements are made by people who are gay. We also have a duty to help, to get in touch with schools and
to reach out to districts to make sure they are paying attention to the students, that they maintain a zero-tolerance policy to
bullying.

We also have to ensure that though we pay tribute to those lost, we do not pursue  a line of fire that could lead to, what researchers and GLAAD are calling, “contagion.”

Their research has shown that there is a link between suicide-related media coverage and an increase in suicides. GLAAD has laid out guidelines to prevent us all, not just the media, from glamorizing suicide. First, not discussing the details of the youth’s life or bullying, because of the worry that others will identify with them. Furthermore, they say don’t idolize or create an aura of celebrity.

GLAAD warns of not normalizing suicide by suggesting it is a “logical” progression from bullying.

The media has to now follow these guidelines to ensure we don’t create a glamor angle, but we as individuals must adhere to them as well. Teen suicide is a hot topic in bars, at dinner tables and all around us. We must be responsible to the fact that we always draw our own zero-tolerance policy to the idea that suicide will do anything but negatively impact everyone. No good can ever come of it.

Tracy Rodemeyer, Jamey’s mother, quite rightly struggled with the decision to continue the anti-bullying campaign for her son. She told USA Today, “You don’t want to glorify this and make it where the kids are going to be copycats,” she said, “All the kids I talked to at school, I said, ‘Look at this, children. Would you want your family to have to have to go through this?’”

Tracy, was, however adamant that children know about help lines like the Trevor Project when contemplating suicide.

“The very second Jamey made that decision and followed through was the very second he found out it was a mistake, but there’s no going back,” she said she told her son’s schoolmates. “I want to say I know my boy’s at peace with himself, but there are other ways.”

Another aspect of this dilemma is the constant reassurance for LGBT teens, not that it gets better. No. Rather that they are statistically more likely to be bullied (making it normal), to be depressed, and to commit suicide. We have to report statistics just as we need to be responsible, because these points are reaching kids who are clutching to that reality.

We all remember a time in high school or college when we weren’t so popular, and of course we didn’t or couldn’t identify with the sentiments of “Once you get older it will get better.” We couldn’t see past the end of the week let alone years ahead. That is where the problem lies. We need to be more forceful with the message, and make certain that the focus of that message is to remind members of the LGBT community that being a member of the community has  huge advantages, to give these kids a voice to stand up and say “So what?”

That is not easy; it requires a mass change in attitudes. When you have teachers posting homophobic comments on Facebook, it sets the mission back enormously. With the internet as it is, these  kids have access to every horrid story, every mean comment, and all the troubles facing the community.

Yet we, as a whole community, need to show them through that sad cloud, the fog of depression and the relentless taunts that there is ALWAYS hope. No matter what  happens, the answer is never suicide, that there are so many positive stories in the LGBT family. I personally want to reach out to anyone who is facing bullies, and is feeling helpless, and may see these troubled and lost teens who have committed suicide as heroes. I want to tell you that your REAL heroes are in another place. They are the many, many teens who stand up to bullies and do not surrender.

Follow their lead and you will triumph as well, because that kind of hero always does.

Alex Vaughn is the Editor-in-Chief of the Florida Agenda. He can be reached at editor@FloridaAgenda.com