Florida Agenda

By Justin Jones

Bottoming is a lot of work. Being a promiscuous bottom is a WHOLE lot of work (I know this from past experience). Attention to anal hygiene is time well spent, of course—no one wants an accident—but still, it gnaws away at time one might spend doing something more pleasurable, namely: Partying, cuddling, eating, sleeping, cleaning the fridge, walking on hot coals— or doing just about absolutely anything else. For me, the task ranks with folding laundry for the superlative “Most Burdensome.”

I suppose most of us have our own style when it comes to this necessity. For me—to be sure extra-spotless—30 minutes to an hour is required lead-time. This carries over from my days as a slut, when the task had greater frequency (and required more detail), and thus took up even more time. I’ve calculated how much time I’ve spent doing this over the years, and it’s comparable to the total time I’ve spent at traffic lights, or walking to classes (from elementary school all the way through college).

I’m not obsessive about this, mind you, although my attention to the details of the subject has cost me considerable hours of foreplay, and the price I’ve paid in spontaneous romance has been dear. Still, I derive no pleasure in the preparation (as a chef might, say, basting his turkey—although I am a stickler for cleanliness in the kitchen).

When I was with my ex several years ago, I made sure to anticipate the need. I’d wake up before him to perform maintenance (he enjoyed morning bouts), and I’d prep myself before he returned home from work. The system—his libido was so predictable—allowed me to successfully navigate almost never having to excuse myself, Pre-Main Event. Of course, this wasn’t always the case: In a few instances, he surprised me, and—having tempered his lust, so I could get ready for him— we would engage (although the loss of spontaneity made the engagements less passionate).

I bring this up because I met someone recently, an obvious and self-admittedly promiscuous bottom about my age, who said he’d never cleaned himself there. (I can’t recall how the conversation turned in this direction, but he was interested to know more.) How do you do it? He asked me, his eyes wide with wonder.

It occurred to me then that he wasn’t alone—that many young men pursue their bottomness without knowledge of a staple of the Gay Collective Consciousness: Douching. In a way, I envied him. What an effort it takes to go through so much trouble (time and time again) for so much pleasure. (The agony and ecstasy—the agony and ecstasy.)

I walked him through the process: Every time-consuming, graphic detail, just as had been taught to me (albeit at a much younger age), and he took notes on his iPhone, on both the process and name brands.

Cute, I thought, now I’ve made Colt more money. S o , yeah, it’s a burden. But so is f o l d i n g l a u n d r y.

And I’m still waiting for someone to teach me how to do that. Regardless, my closet’s still clean.

Justin Jones, 25, is a writer based in Minneapolis. In addition to his column lovejones, Justin pens Through These Eyes, a bi-weekly column for Lavender Magazine. He writes about things like being alive, being in love, and drinking too much. Facebook.com/JustinJonesWriter.

By Justin Jones

So there you are, sitting in front of your computer with your jeans around your ankles, your underwear at your thighs, one hand on a mouse pad, and the other on your 21st digit. The laptop’s bluish glow is the only source of light in your bedroom: it illuminates the soaking wet end of the t-shirt bunched up in your mouth (you had to keep it out of the way of your hand, after all).

You don’t want anyone else in your apartment building to hear the animalistic sounds that emanate from the porn that’s playing on your computer (although you DO want to make sure that YOU hear every graphic detail), so you’re wearing headphones.

And how ironic the whole scene is. The measures you’ve taken to hide your self-pleasure—right down to making sure the blinds in your bedroom are closed in just the right direction, so the neighbors can’t peer in—are the very measures that have given you away.

You don’t know, for instance, that the glow cast by your monitor creates a vivid silhouette on your blinds for the benefit of the curious outside. Nor did you anticipate your headphones disguising the sounds of laughter right outside your window. No, as careful as you were, those details went unnoticed.

Thankfully, you have a roommate who cares. After hearing laughter outside your building, he investigates. He finds the scene troubling—possibly even embarrassing—to you. After seeing the frenzied shadow-show projected onto your blinds, he nobly attempts to inform you that you’re being watched (and mocked). He tries knocking at your bedroom door—which, of course, you can’t hear. So he knocks louder.

When you realize someone is at your door, you play it cool. You throw the bed comforter over your legs, and minimize the pornographic window on your computer screen. You have previously opened Facebook in another window tab, in case such an incident was to occur. “Come in,” you say politely, trying to breathe as slowly as possible.

“Um, dude,” your roommate says, “people outside can see what you’re doing.” You feel the empathy in his voice and, though your heart drops, you unabashedly oppose admitting to anything.

“See me doing what? Talking to people on Facebook?” you respond, still out of breath, and still visibly rather—impassioned. Your roommate shakes his head, and while you know there’s no way out of this, you stick to your guns—because, for some reason, this is somehow embarrassing.

“Dude,” you say, “Look, I was on FACEBOOK.” And you turn your laptop around to show your roommate the “truth.” Yes, there is Facebook maximized on your screen, but then those pesky headphones get in the way—they unplug themselves just when you think you’ve proven your “innocence” to your roommate. With the headphones out, your computer routes the sound to its speakers, and the sounds coming from your computer aren’t from iTunes—they’re from XTube. Obnoxious, disgustingly sexual, and embarrassingly loud.

Your eyes lock with your roommates’. Your erection has perished upon the altar of the Gods of Embarrassment. You feel the urge to jump up and run away, and you would—except you’d fall, because your pants are still around your ankles.
So you laugh, and your roommate laughs with you.

Justin Jones, 25, is a writer based in Minneapolis. In addition to his column lovejones, Justin pens Through These Eyes, a bi-weekly column for Lavender Magazine. He writes about things like being alive, being in love, and drinking too much. Facebook.com/JustinJonesWriter.

By San Knew

Recently, a reader commented that as often as he reads about sexually transmitted diseases and infections, it’s amazing anyone would want to have sex at all. So I thought I would take a moment to share all the wonderful benefits to having a healthy and safe sex life. Aside from the opportunity of sharing an amazing experience with someone, there are other parts of your body that can reap the benefits, as well.

Did you know that an average of 30 minutes of sex could burn up to 85 calories

? But not to worry, for all of you who are taking it slow – you don’t have to go all the way to get all of the benefits. Daily Muscle published its own unofficial finding and broke down the numbers to “the build up”. The publication attributes somewhere between 120 to 235 calories for kissing, approximately 8 calories for undressing and an actual orgasm can burn as many as 100 calories. And not only can these benefits be seen in one’s waistline, but there’s some good things happening inside your body, as well.

CBS News reported that researchers found, “having sex twice or more a week reduced the risk of fatal heart attack by half for men, compared with those who had sex less than once a month”. There are also reports correlating fewer cancer diagnoses among men with high frequency of ejaculation. The Journal of the American Medical Association found that “Frequent ejaculations (21 or more a month) were linked to lower prostate cancer risks in older men, as well, compared with less frequent ejaculations of four to seven monthly.” Wilkes University has also conducted its own study, in which it identified that people who had sex once or twice a week had higher levels of antibodies, which can protect you from getting colds and other infections.

However, as most of us already know, the best benefit of great sex is how it makes us feel. One reason for those good vibrations may be explained by studies showing increased levels of oxytocin during sex. Oxytocin is a chemical produced in the brain, usually associated with “pair bonding” (it’s also referred to as the “love hormone”). These increased levels are associated with a reduced sense of pain and feelings of anxiety and an increased sense of generosity and intimacy. Additionally, CNN shared a study published in Biological Psychology, that found “people who had sex more often tended to have lower diastolic blood pressure.” The study also linked the finding to feelings of decreased stress levels in general for those individuals.

So there you have it, no mention of the 19 million new sexually transmitted infections (STI) reported each year, nor mention of the $14.7 billion spent on STI related healthcare costs; just the benefits of a HEALTHY and SAFE sexual experience, which we should all take advantage of. Did I mention HEALTHY and SAFE?

ALEX VAUGHN

Being on the down-low seems to be at the height of popularity at the moment. Of course, it has always been in existence right back to Greek mythology! Guys could always get a little man action on the side away from their doting wives. Of course, they weren’t gay, just open minded. Now, however, the idea almost seems to have reached cult status!

Provided all parties are aware during this little dance of the down-low, then one can argue no harm is being caused. More than likely, the only person who has the whole picture is the guy cheating on his wife.

How does he rationalize it? Oh, ever so simply, any guys who cheat on women with guys have a list of rules – of understandings – that they utilize to make it all ‘o.k.’ First, they are following actions they can’t control; if they ever get caught they always have the ‘I am being true to myself’ to fall back on. Secondly, they are seeking out something their wife is unable to provide; they follow this up with a quick and clear, foot down comment that is usually never required … ‘I would NEVER sleep with another woman’. That reaction alone leads to questions about being on the down-low versus being a closeted gay man. Do they even still sleep with Mrs. DL?

Cheating, as I have talked about before, is a potential pitfall of serpents, particularly when you are cheating with someone of the same sex. You run the risk of exposing your entire life to people you may not want to know that you like a little man time! Before anyone starts yelling at me about there being no shame in being gay, that’s true.  There is, however, shame in cheating.  There is also shame in pretending, if that is the case, that a foray into the world of man-on-man play time is anything more than a sexual urge that one knows is so easily gratified.

If you are searching for something – perhaps it’s your identity or perhaps it’s an escape from the doldrums of married life – it would serve anyone well who intends on going down the down-low route to make damn sure you know what you are looking for and know even more clearly the risks you are taking.

As soon as you say ‘risk’ in relation to being in the closet or a D-L kinda guy, the immediate thoughts are of being caught ordisease. Great, and while those aren’t untrue, remember two things: first, getting caught doesn’t necessarily mean getting caught with your drawers around your knees. No – did you ever wonder that while you are sucking face with some tragedy in a sleazy bar, it may also be the fave place of your wife’s hairdresser? He would love to tell her what her hubby gets up to! Or the florist? Or dog groomer? Now, I realize I have been extremely stereotypical to prove a point, but what about your lawyer you
didn’t realize was gay because he isn’t a flamer? You are caught. As for the disease angle, cheating in any way puts you at risk of that!

Let’s say by some sheer chance or miracle you get a pardon from your lovely lady and no one will ever know your business. Right.  So, you meet a guy and date, have great sex, get a dog and a picket fenced house, even get hitched in NYC – how long before you start seeking an escape from the monotony of your new gay life?

So, you live life on the down-low; what does that mean to you? A quick shag every so often

? Fine. OK. Whether it’s right to say it or not, I think those on the down-low should stay that way. The reality is they aren’t desperate for the love of a good man, they have love; they are desperate for the high that comes from breaking the ultimate taboo for a straight man.

Now, the most difficult and biggest downer to being on the DL is if you confuse the issue, start believing after 3 good lays with the kid in the next town, it means you have developed a deep connection. So what?  Do you do you try and forge a relationship, maybe go to dinner, learn something about them … all fine and dandy but, HELLO!

You are married. You are never going to offer yourself 100%, yet you will expect that in return. You see no issue in asking for exclusivity with the disclosure that you can still go back to your wife. Never stay the night, unless she is away, etc. What kind of life is that for anyone? What kind of life is that for you?

I have a friend who trawls the bars and internet meeting loser after loser, each one, in fact, more stupid and less ambitious than the last. Yet his claim is he is driven by the need to be loved. I will give him that; however, whenever he meets one guy who slightly offers some form of commitment, my friend can’t get away fast enough whilst complaining he can’t meet a genuine guy to settle down into a relationship with. Oh, did I not mention? My friend is married to a woman! He constantly pushes his luck,
staying out late, and getting away with it under any old guise he can come up with. He is not the minority; he is part of a majority of a new subset of the gay culture. He is not simply on the down-low; he is an undercover relationship junkie who will never get the right hit, because he is ultimately unavailable. He has managed to convince himself that the secret to his happiness lies in the potential of a gay relationship. I do mean solely in the potential, not in the end result.  He revels in the drama of each dalliance, each little mini-relationship, which always ultimately ends up with him being willingly used financially and unwillingly abused emotionally – all within the space of about 6 days.

He knows, as does any little trollop he picks up, that he will never leave his wife. He always hints that maybe possibly one day, etc.

We all know he never will. Not just because he loves her, but as with so many men in his position, he has a whole life outside of the gay world and bed hopping. He couldn’t just move out – he would lose a whole part of his straight life. No one is going to side with the ‘gay’ cheating husband in a divorce, are they? Divorces are nasty and, ultimately, you lose something!

So if you are going to down low it, be careful, be aware and ultimately know your limits and don’t impose them on others you will end up in a losing situation no matter the outcome. The Down Low life, like lies or secrets, have a horrid habit of coming out, no pun intended.

Alex Vaughn is the Editor-in-Chief of the Florida Agenda. He can be reached at editor@FloridaAgenda.com

“Smoking is just plain gross and should be avoided entirely.”

Did you realize that your lifestyle and what you eat affects your sexual performance? A balanced diet of whole, unprocessed foods and avoiding too much animal fat and refined sugar is a good place to start if you want to improve your sex life. Alcohol should be used moderately, especially before sex. Too much, in fact, can hinder your performance and actually lower testosterone levels. Smoking is just plain gross and should be avoided entirely. Of course, workouts that are consistent and challenging will make you look and feel sexy, and regular cardio will keep you lean and mean and increase your stamina. Grrrr!

All this being said, even the boldest of stallions occasionally feels like the “old gray mare who ain’t what he used to be.” There are a number of common, inexpensive dietary supplements available that have a role in keeping your sex organs healthy and your libido raring to go. So here is my list of the top five, and remember: before taking any supplement, consult your doctor first!

Vitamins C and E are powerful antioxidants that can help prevent the onset of serious illnesses and premature aging. They also keep cholesterol from clogging your blood vessels including those in your penis. When these are stopped up, it becomes difficult to get and maintain a healthy erection. An additional 500 to 1,000 mg of Vitamin C and 200 to 400 IU Vitamin E are recommended each day.

Recent reports cite Zinc as one of the most important minerals in the fight against colds and flu. Zinc is also essential for the production of testosterone by the testes. Many enzymes that are necessary for the conversion of steroids to testosterone require Zinc to be active. Without sufficient Zinc, the testes can’t produce sufficient testosterone and they can often atrophy and shrink in size! Seafood and green leafy vegetables are rich in Zinc. A typical male between 30 and 55 should get at least 15 mg of Zinc per day.

Avena Sativa (or green oats) are known to increase libido and sex drive. This natural substance is found in any healthy food store. Green oats contain a compound that converts protein-bound-testosterone in the blood to the active form of testosterone that is vital for promoting arousal and sexual desire.

Yohimbe is a sort of natural Cialis or Viagra extracted from the yohimbe bark. Simply taking 250-400 mg of yohimbe bark extract at least one hour prior to hitting the sack may lead to some mighty satisfying results for everyone concerned. As with any sexual stimulant, do not drink alcohol or take “poppers” with this herb, and beware of using this supplement if you have high blood pressure!

Dihydroepiadrosterone (DHEA) has been around for a little while now. Although it has numerous health benefits, it is perhaps best known as a hormonal precursor of testosterone. With age, testosterone levels wain. Taking DHEA as a dietary supplement will help produce more testosterone and more of this will make you horny. 25-50 mg per day, preferably spread over three daily doses, should help get back your mojo!

There are tons of herbs and supplements that can help with sexual performance. Do your research, experiment a little but always check with your physician first to see what is safe for you!