Florida Agenda

Sam Knew

There’s a pretty good argument why baseball is one of American’s many favorite pastimes. It could be because of its humble beginnings in our backyards, the excitement of the seventh inning stretch, or even the body hugging uniforms. But honestly, what’s not to love? Balls, men and team showers. With paralleling references like that, it’s no wonder that sex is usually described in baseball terms.

I’m pretty sure I know where “first base” begins and what’s considered a “home run,” but what falls in between varies on each of our own moral compasses, including oral sex. And just like the game, a good game plan can make all the difference–especially to your health.

The risk of contracting sexually transmitted diseases (STD) orally varies depending on the disease itself. The most common oral STDs include herpes, gonorrhea, syphilis, chlamydia, and HPV. The rate of contracting HIV orally is debated among experts; however, most conclude that the risks are low. Health conditions of both “players” are key factors. Open sores, compromised immune systems and viral load are all contributing factors.

Interesting enough, we have some naturally built-in defense systems to help protect us from transmitting and contracting diseases orally. Large sugar-protein  molecules in saliva (glycoprotein) help prevent diseases from being transmitted. Our mouth also has a protective (yet fragile) membrane that safeguards us. In addition, gastric acids in our stomach kill most bacteria and viruses. Again however, a person’s health condition is a contributing factor, including such diseases as oral, throat and stomach ulcers. Now, when was the last time you checked for that?

That being said, there are risk-reducing precautions one can keep in mind. Of course there’s good ‘ole abstinence (at least long enough to get to know your partner), followed by testing. “Suiting up” for the “big game” is another option; this includes using a barrier method, such as a condom. Some complain of a lack of sensation, and others of the taste. However, condoms come in an assortment of textures and flavors for just those reasons. For our extreme, more trusting (or daring) players, who choose to go at it commando (unprotected), you can reduce your risk by limiting your exposure to bodily fluids (such as semen).

The longer you’re exposed, the greater your risk. One option is to move the “finish line.” Preferably somewhere where fluids are less likely to enter your bloodstream. However, you still run the risk of exposure with “pre-game” anticipation. Lastly, in the conventional wisdom and words of Stanford University, “swallow or spit, just don’t let it sit.” No matter how you play it, it’s cle ar you need

a solid game plan ahead of time. This can make the difference between a perfect season and overtime at your doctor’s office.

Sam Knew, MSW is an educator and a local counselor. He can be reached at samknewmsw@gmail.com

ALEX VAUGHN

There is a new blue pill that is set to revolutionize our attitudes towards HIV and safe sex. I’d even go as far as to say that this pill will make us question the entire idea of sexual responsibility. The pill is Truvada PrEP (pre-exposure prophylaxis) and it is already available in a pharmacy near you.

Truvada has been widely used in the treatment of HIV positive individuals. However, as early as this year, the FDA is poised to approve the drug as a means to prevent infection. The Centre for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) already have in place a set of guidelines for using this pill as a prevention method against HIV.

In theory, this little blue pill has the potential to do as much harm as good, just like Viagra has. Of course with Viagra the situation is markedly different. As with all medications, Viagra comes with side effects and warning labels. It isn’t, or shouldn’t be, a daily pill. There is no regime to be followed. There is also a completely different minds

et attached to it. Viagra is not a preventative health aide; Truvada is.

The studies shown to determine the effectiveness of the pill as a preventative method were favorable, obviously leading to the FDA’s considerations. The variables and conditions to its success, however, are many and they are all relevant. The fear of course is those concerns will fall to the wayside when we are discussing the simplicity of one blue pill to protect you from the worst contagious disease affecting the community and the world.

When taken daily, Truvada had been shown to be 95% effective at preventing infection with HIV. Those who did become infected during the trial period were shown to not have enough of the drug in their systems indicating that these subjects did not adhere to the daily regime.

The study has clearly shown that one must be completely strict with the one-aday regime. Unlike Viagra, Truvada is not a “pop it on the weekend” sort of recreational drug. It is a lifestyle choice. With multiple partners and promiscuity, protection will not exist if one only pops a pill before hitting the hay.

In addition, the studies indicate that the best role for this pill is in relationships that are serodiscordant. Meaning one partner has HIV and the other doesn’t. In this situation, adherence is more likely as there is a strong mutual desire for protection.

Furthermore Truvada is not something you can pick up from a buddy with a party supply kit. It simply won’t work. You need to consult with an HIV specialist and determine whether it is for you, while noting that this is not a 100% protection against HIV.

Sex, as pleasurable as it is, comes with other risks, syphilis, HEP and a host of nearly 12 million other STDS. Truvada doesn’t protect you from any of these. Only condoms will.

This is undoubtedly a great step forward and an amazing change to the landscape of sexual interaction between partners of mismatched status. In addition with the hope that it remains successful, it will help breakdown prejudices towards HIV+ people.

That said, the danger of unleashing such a powerful statement into the community is astronomical. The reality is that the warnings are going to get lost in the simple message of “one little pill for HIV protection.” There will be many responsible people who will research, try, test and get to grips with this pill. There are more who will breathe a sigh of relief and pop a pill before they do the deed and think nothing of it.

This will also go a step to downgrade HIV further, from a dangerous and life threatening disease with potential complications to a totally manageable disease. After all, how bad can it be if you can prevent it with a little blue pill? The real danger is that this disease will no longer be seen as manageable with side effects, but rather as no big deal at all.

As HIV infections continue to rise in Florida, the need for prevention is undoubtedly present and the message needs to be loud and clear. Though the study was quick to indicate that condoms were offered free of charge and that their use in studies had increased, the reality is who will bear that in mind. If you are less than strict with your condom use, are you really going to become more stringent when you know you’ve popped a pill?

This “pop a pill” mentality is found not only within the community, but in the nation as a whole. You can’t watch TV for more that 20 seconds before some pill is being advertised, for something or other, from depression to restless leg syndrome.

Add the prospect of another pill, and it doesn’t faze or frighten everyone. It, in fact, makes life so much easier. Why worry about condoms or status when you just need to remember to pop a little pill everyday?

The flip side is that despite the fact that you are not sick, you are providing your body with a medication to which it may react badly, and all to avoid a condom? There is also the question of what happens if you do maintain the treatment, yet still fall into the 5% that contract the virus anyway. Have you screwed yourself ? Will your body have built a tolerance to one of the most widely used treatments for HIV?

It has been noted by the study’s doctors that resistance cannot develop with the use of this pill since actual infection has not taken place. However condoms remain the main protector. Unfortunately, at the same time, the same doctors noted that many people had already stopped using condoms. Truvada would offer another protection route.

The coverage of one-a-day medications complete with the shiny happy people on the HIV medication adverts suggests that life goes on. This has allowed a generation who never experienced the 80’s to have a blasé attitude to the disease. The real danger is that lost amid the excitement of the availability of Truvada, the horror of AIDS will be forgotten.

Alex Vaughn is the Editor-in-Chief of the Florida Agenda. He can be reached at editor@FloridaAgenda.com

By SAM KNEW, MSW

Long before tangled bed sheets, before the first kiss, before cocktails or a promising “hello,” there’s a cosmic element that draws two people together – one that may not require any words at all. But who knew it may be what you aren’t saying that’s costing you your health – and maybe your life? In the heat of passion, it isn’t always easy to ask your partner about their sexual history or health status. And the end result can be one of the 12 million new sexually transmitted infections (STI) reported each year.

Oddly enough, in an era where condoms are passed out in schools and shopping centers and sex is used to sell everything from bottled water to dental plans, it’s a wonder that so many of us have trouble talking about sex. But for those who enjoy a little verbal foreplay, choosing your words carefully can make the issues of protection a non-issue. By incorporating the mention of condoms and other types of barriers into your “flirt dialog,” you can set a precedent that tells your partner what’s expected.

If words escape you in the heat of the moment, there are a few options that may make it a little easier to negotiate the terms of engagement. Consider getting creative – using your mouth to slip on a condom can be a sexual turn on and leaves little to be discussed. However, the passion doesn’t always make its way to bedroom, so you may want to consider placing condoms in other areas around the home – or even car for that matter. The female condom, which is gaining more popularity and approval among gay men, is another safe alternative. One advantage is that the sexual recipient (the bottom) can place the device in place hours before hand and not have to interrupt foreplay placing in the device or bother negotiating safe sex practices with their partner.

Of course, like any advice, it’s always easier said than done, and sometimes we can make the conversation even more difficult throwing alcohol and drugs into the mix. Needless to say, our inhibitions and judgment are impaired with either. Studies report that 60% of STDs are transmitted when the partners are under the influence. Not to mention the numerous sexual assaults of women and men which occur while intoxicated.

But for all of the alternatives offered, there’s no substitute for the real thing. Having a direct conversation with your partner can eliminate a lot of dancing around the issue – and can actually make your sexual experience a more pleasant, worry-free one. Starting the conversation doesn’t have to be embarrassing or uncomf

ortable. You could start by offering your own status or preference, like “I’m STD free,” or “I only use condoms”. What you do want to avoid, though, are vague and uncommitted statements like, “I prefer condoms” or “could we use a condom?” This might give your partner the misconception that safe sex is an option – when it clearly isn’t.

Sam Knew, MSW is an educator and a local counselor. He can be reached at samknewmsw@gmail.com

By Anthony Paull

I really need sex. Yes, I’ve been trying this celibacy bit for the last nine months, but I’m going to be the first to admit – it sucks, and not in a good way. It sucks to the point where I can’t get the word “sex” out of my head – literally. I turn everything into a sexual innuendo, to the point where last week, when a friend said his Christmas tree was dying and “sucks,” I suggested he drill a hole in the bark and take full advantage of it.

Yes, I’m that guy. I don’t feel cleansed. In fact, I feel dirtier than ever. And that’s not a good place to be when you have to go to work and be professional. So daily, I sit in front of a computer, typing this and that while thinking about love in the key of getting on my knees.

To add insult to injury, I’m dating my expartner, and it’s going really well, except I told him I don’t want to have sex, because I don’t want to rush and complicate things. I want him to put up a fight. Yes, I really want him to tease me, because I’m pursuing him this time.

Therefore, when he pulls away, I have to pretend I’m ok with it. I have to smile pretty for the camera, even though I’m suffering from hot flashes of anger, resulting in two bar fights in the last month. Yes, two weeks ago, I was literally carried out of a nightclub by the neck for telling off some Jersey Shore asshole. And before that, I made a drag queen cry, telling him I was going to rip his face off for calling my friend a whore. But honestly, I’m usually a sweet guy. What’s wrong with me?

“Your body is detoxing. You just need to breathe,” my friend Jon tells me.

“But I’m horny!” I cry. “What am I going to do?”

“Are you masturbating?”

“Um, yeah, readily.”

“But are you doing it right?” “Is there a wrong way?”

Apparently so. It seems I had been misled. Jon tells me that masturbating should be more like a cleansing of the soul and that I have to make it more of an “experience.” I mean, burying my face in my boyfriend’s dirty briefs and jacking off – that’s so primitive. According to Rob, I’m supposed to light tea candles, gather herbs, set the night to music, touch my dick (just a smidge), and then turn myself down.

“Huh?”

“You know, tease yourself. Don’t give in. That’s your problem. You’re making it too easy.”

“Wait. Let me get this right. I’m supposed to cock-block myself ?”

“Exactly,” Jon says, becoming my confidante regarding the fine art of abstinence. And I find his stance a nice change, when most of my other friends feel I need to shut up and “fuck my way to happy.” And oh, how they love to rub the wound, texting me about their awesome sex lives on a daily basis. “Oh, I got nailed.” “Oh, he was so big.” “Oh, my butt hurts.” “Oh, I got it several times today.”

Thank God Jon is able to ground me, helping me understand there’s more to life than sex, that we’re spiritual beings having a human experience. Well, until the holidays hit.

“You’d be so proud of me. I haven’t spanked all week,” I inform him.

“God, I wish I had your willpower,” he replies.

“What? You gave in?”

“Yeah, I had a moment of weakness.”

It appears, while home for New Year’s Eve, he found an intriguing Bear-4-Bear porn site and got naked at the stroke of midnight on his mom’s computer. Initially, he thought the entire affair would remain a secret, except his mom had spyware installed on the computer, which transmits all of the Internet data to her pastor who, serving as her marriage counselor, oversees all web activity because her boyfriend has a cyber porn problem. Hence now, the pastor thinks her boyfriend is gay, which might be the root of their problem altogether.

“My mom’s livid!” Jon exclaims.

“Why? Because her pastor has an issue with her boyfriend being queer? Big deal. Aren’t most pastors gay anyway?”

“NO. That’s priests!” he snaps.

And now, he’s back to college, and I’m back to the drawing board, getting a hardon every time my boyfriend comes within five feet of me. It’s pathetic, really. I can’t touch myself. I can’t touch him. Who am I supposed to touch?

“What’s the matter? You’re acting crazy,” my boyfriend exclaims later that night when I freak out over the fact he’s not reciprocating my advances.

“I need passion,” I say, gathering my keys and heading out the door. “I can’t wait anymore. I don’t want us to become one of those sexless couples who beat off on the Internet.”

“Huh? Why would we become that?” he asks. Meanwhile, I’m jogging down the driveway, rattling my keys. “Hold on,” he calls. “I don’t get it. One minute you want sex. The next minute you don’t. What do you WANT?”

And breathless, I turn and stare at him silently, unsure of what to say. There are so many things I want, really. To feel safe, to feel beautiful, to feel loved, and I’m placing all that on him, because as my boyfriend, he’s the one who’s supposed to provide me that. I don’t look for it from outside forces, and it’s hard to find it inside myself when I’m consumed with making him happy. So to answer his question, plain and simple, I tell him, honestly, that I want to stop thinking about having sex with him so I can focus on loving myself.