Florida Agenda

By ROBERT ELIAS DEATON

We’re a sucker for Brazilian butts. And nowhere on earth are there more on display then in the incredible city of São Paulo . It’s not only the largest city in Brazil; it’s the largest city in all of South America, and the seventh-largest city by population in the world. It’s just another example of the fact that size matters.

At last count, the population of São Paulo was just over 11 million—three million more than NYC. Ah, and the people. Attractive, friendly, open, and happy. And, lest we forget the most charming part, they speak Portuguese—but with an Italian accent, in case you’re relying on your Rosetta Stone.

They’ll be rattling it off at such a machine-gun pace that there is no point in trying to keep up your end of the conversation. It’s all part of the adventure in this city named after Saint Paul—as in the Apostle, not Minnesota. Getting to São Paulo can be a bit of a headtrip since it’s an eight-hour flight from Miami (or ten hours from New York) non-stop as the crows fly via the national airline TAM Linhas Aereas.

Translation: two full-length movies, a four course dinner and a three-hour nap. It gives new meaning to the phrase: somos nós lá ainda? (Are we there yet? for the Baptists among us.) Upon landing at the São Paulo/Guarulhos– Governador André Franco Montoro International Airport, take a deep breath and plunge head first into the excitement.

You get to the city via taxi (there is a bus, but you’re gay, remember?). This will set you back exactly 85 Brazilian reals, or $42 in real money. Buy a pre paid taxi voucher in advance, since the traffic will be monstrous. Though it’s only 19 miles to São Paulo, it could take as long as an hour to get there.

You don’t want to be in the back seat when that meter is ticking. Our favorite hotel in São Paulo is the Mercure São Paulo Alamedes Hotel . It’s not the most luxurious hotel in the city, but it is one of the most convenient and reasonably priced at $139 per night. It has everything you could possibly need—room service, a good gym, rooftop pool with a view, a fantastic cute staff, and wi-fi service.

It is centrally located in the most fashionable part of town, called the Jardins district, which not only has the most exclusive shopping street in the country—it’s called Oscar Freire (think Rodeo Drive), it has the majority of the gay clubs as well as the São Paulo Museum of Art. On the club scene, spending Sunday at Dorothy Parker (Alameda Lorena, 2119 – Jardins) is must do. During the rest of the week, it’s a very very private club with a guest list.

And no, you’re not on it. On Sunday, however, they open the doors to extremely cute gay guys who like dancing flesh to flesh beginning at 11 p.m. and hanging out until 2 a.m. or so. Not far away is the Ritz (Alameda Franca, 1088 – Jardins), a fun burger and pizza joint where you can people watch all night, and linger over a cappuccino.

Afterward on Fridays and Saturdays, head across town to Flex Club (Ave. Marquês de São Vicente 1767 – Barra Funda)—an enormous hanger-like structure that holds 2,000+. While that may sound like a large number, wrap your head around 4 million!

That’s the number of gays expected to attend the Parada do Orgulho Gay GLBT de São Paulo on June 10. Translation: Gay Pride, São Paulo style. Prepare to sweat—and grin ear-to-ear.

By ROBERT ELIAS DEATON

In case you’ve been living in a foxhole lately, things haven’t been going well for the LGBT community in North Carolina these days. First, the fair citizens of the 12th state in the Union decided to amend its constitution, declaring “marriage between one man and one woman is the only domestic legal union that shall be valid or recognized in this state.” Given that North Carolina already had a law on its books that prohibits same-sex marriage, it was a bit of overkill.

On top of that, a few days later, the pastor of the Providence Road Baptist Church in Maiden gave a sermon in which he advocated that lesbians and gays should be surrounded by an electrical fence and left to die off from natural attrition. The Providence Road Baptist Church (which happens to be located on Williams Street—figure that one out) is not to be confused with the Providence Baptist Church in Charlotte, whose own pastor went online to declare that in his church, they offer the “same grace, mercy and love to all people.”

The natural reaction of the LGBT community is to boycott the state, and that is precisely what you should not do. Just because they’ve given gays and lesbians a drop-kick to the gonads does not mean that there isn’t much to see and do in North Carolina.

The capital of Raleigh is known as the “City of Oaks”, and is linked with the neighboring Durham and Chapel Hill in a triangle that may not be gay, but is still very sweet. Beside the aforementioned oaks, there are over 150 incredible gardens, parks, and lakes. The most friendly and stylish hotel in town is the new Aloft (1001 S. Hamilton Rd) in Chapel Hill. With soaring ceilings, 42-inch flat screen TVs, and complimentary Internet wireless, there’s little not to like in this modern hotel run by the Starwood chain.

When it’s time to go clubbing, think of Flex (2 S. West St., Raleigh). The place requires a membership, but that’s taken care of with a $5 bill. It’s the kind of place that hangs a urinal on the wall, fills it with peanuts, and calls it class. No Southern Belles here. If you want something a bit more upscale, try Legends (330 W. Hargett St., Raleigh), with its live drag shows and top-notch DJs. Pecan sweet.

Across the state on the border with “South Caroline,” you’ll find the second largest financial center in the U.S., otherwise known as Charlotte.

It’s both the home of Bank of America and the east coast headquarters for Wells Fargo. Charlotte is nicknamed the “Queen City”—not because it’s so gay, but rather because it was named after Queen Charlotte of Mecklenburg-Strelitz, the wife of England’s King George III. Since few in town seem to know this fact, use it as an instant entre to all the best places.

Count among those: the Woodshed Lounge (4000 Queen City Dr.) where Thursday nights, the boys dress in boxer shorts to get happy hour prices on drinks (and show off their pale legs). Or better yet, try Petra’s Piano Bar & Cabaret (1919 Commonwealth Ave.), where you can sip Mint Julips between sing-alongs to Broadway anthems. They do things like that in the South.

The point of this chatter is that North Carolina needs to be experienced to be truly appreciated. It’s the same thing with gays and lesbians. Go—in droves. Once they get to know us, they might just like us. Even at the Providence Road Baptist Church.

Robert Elias Deaton is a world-traveling epicure who enjoys the finer things in life.

By ROBERT ELIAS DEATON

Part 2 of 2

This week we return to Utah, land of the Mormons, clear skies, mountain ranges, and little bluestem—which is not the name of an small Indian Chief but rather a beautiful scrub grass which is indigenous to the Salt Lake City area and whose seeds feed flocks of migrating songbirds this time of year. Now, before we launch into our discussion of the Salt Lake City gay nightclub scene, let’s clear up a little confusion. You’ve probably heard that Mormons don’t believe in drinking alcohol (or coffee or tea, for that matter).

But just because the church controls much of Salt Lake City does not mean that it is hard to find a gay club serving liquor in the city. Up until 2009, it was a bit more difficult, since clubs and restaurants serving liquor operated as private establishments requiring guests to pay a membership fee. While many current guidebooks still claim that this is the case, the liquor laws changed several years ago and membership fees are the stuff of memory. That’s the good news and the bad news. Rather than lose the income that membership fees provided, gay bars now charge a cover fee, which is typically more than the old membership fee—between $5 and $10, depending on the club.

Not a deal breaker, of course, but still a factor when putting together your budget for a nightly cruise. Our personal favorite of all clubs in Salt City City is JAM (JamSLC.com) in the Marmalade Historical District at 751 N 300 West. This sophisticated eco-friendly joint has bamboo floors, stone-topped bars, and an ambiance that throws off strong shades of a Manhattan loft. Don’t be intimidated by the wash of attitude that occasionally floods from the cuter clientele here. It’s a protective illusion that quickly crumbles when picked at like a fresh scab.

On Friday nights, the well drinks are $5.00. So, too, are the Long Island ice teas. Club Try-Angles (http://www.clubtry-angles.com) is located at 251 W 900 South. It’s a small neighborhood space that has a fun Sunday barbecue, and a naughty underwear night the third Saturday of every month. There’s zero attitude at “The Try,” strong drinks and an always-busy pool table. Keep a look out for the drag queen pool shark before you write your name on the chalkboard. The Trapp (www.thetrappslc.com) is a wood-paneled nightclub with no cover charge and great music from a house DJ called D. Mosey up to the bar and you’ll discover a pleasant mix of older guys and the boys who like them—really like them from the looks of things.

Great outside barbecue on Sundays in the spring and summer; a buffet for the rest of the year. Find the excitement at 102 S 600 West. While there are many, many great places to stay in the area—including a wide selection of gay B&B’s—the holy grail of hotels is the Grand America. (www. grandamerica.com). Built in 2001 and located at 555 S Main Street, this five-star luxury palace of opulence is 775 rooms worth of excess.

Yes, it’s over-the-top by anyone’s standards, with many of the accommodations including full kitchens, washer and dryers, and microwave oven. The floor-to-ceiling windows offer views of the spectacular Wasatch Mountain Range and all of downtown Salt Lake City. The Grand Spa in the hotel offers a lavish fitness center with cardio and strength training equipment, plus executive services including hot-towel shaves, full back and chest waxes, facials, pedicures, manicures, and expert haircuts at very reasonable rates. Brigham Young would be pleased.

By ROBERT ELIAS DEATON

Ya gotta love those Mormons. First they create Salt Lake City, courtesy of Brigham Young, president of the Church of Latter Day Saints, who arrived in Utah in 1847 and established a settlement to escape religious persecution from the ?East.?

Then, they make the place so welcoming that hundreds of thousands of people move there, including pioneering homosexuals. Fast forward to January 2012, when The Advocate, our New Yorkbased sister in publishing all-things-LGBT, designated Salt Lake City as its number one choice for the ?Gayest City in America? based on ?per capita queerness,? whatever that is.

Like we said, ya gotta love ?em. The cheapest way to get to Salt Lake City is on Frontier Airways from Fort Lauderdale for $470 round-trip including taxes. For that price, you travel on an Airbus 313 decked out in rawhide, and get to stop and check out the Denver airport for a few hours before hustling on your way.

For those you know their Gianni from their Versace, a first class seat on Delta will separate you from the hoi polloi for a mere three times the cost of a coach seat. However, before you shriek, you do get a free lunch AND a stop in Atlanta where you can wave to Ted Turner who may even wave back. Oh, that?s right, he?s in Colorado, which is an entirely different world.

The thing the makes Salt Lake City so appealing for travelers is the genuine welcome you?ll received from the straight, gay and tri-curious, who mingle freely in this land of liquor free bars, architectural diversity and spectacular natural scenery. You may have sung ?purple mountain majesties? in the patriotic ballad ?America, America,? but here in Utah, you get to see it and live it.

Surrounded by the snow-peaked Wasatch and Oquirrh mountain ranges, the air is crisp as a saltine, and the constant breeze blowing across the valley and along the Jordan River , makes outside activities an open invitation. The lake from which the city gets its name is situated on the northwest of town.

It?s a year-round sailing paradise (sail boats are available for rental; no commercial or powerboats allowed), and because of the lake?s high salt content, you can float around and bob like a buoy. Make certain to see the large protected bird refuge that makes its home here, including the majestic pelican colony that can be viewed on the cliffs of Antelope Island. This state park also contains one the largest free-roaming herds of bison in the country.

Downtown you?ll want your first stop to be Temple Square. It?s the center for all things Salt Lake, including the infamous Salt Lake Temple. It?s the largest Mormon Temple in the world, and while you can?t get inside the place (not even Mormons can do that without a special invitation), it?s a great spot to people watch in the fantastic Temple gardens and learn about the Mormon faith in 30 different languages!

On the east side of the city, check out This Is the Place Heritage Park, a living history attraction, where you?ll step back in time to the mid-1800s and enjoy life as a pioneer in Brigham Young?s time. It was from this lookout that Young was supposed to have proclaimed ?This Is the Place,? which led to the Mormons establishing their settlement here.

With Salt Lake having its 30,000 strong Gay Pride event the first weekend of June, now is the time to make your reservations to join in this incredibly fun event. More on that next week, when we return to the pinkest city in the reddest state!

By ROBERT ELIAS DEATON

Part II—The Hotels, The Clubs, The Adventure

In November 2001, Klaus Wowereit became mayor of Berlin. Now in his third term, Klaus’s favorite color is pink, and he is not subtle in showing his preference for it.

Klaus, you see, is gay— which in Berlin is no big deal. In fact, it helped Klaus get elected, having admitted to his cheering fanbase, “Ich bin schwul, und das ist auch gut so.” (“I’m gay, and that’s a good thing.”)

The city has been a center for gay and lesbian intellects, playboys, and creative types for nearly a century, so there’s no shortage of bars, restaurants, hotels and clubs catering to them. The trick is in the sorting, ranging from hot, really hot, to sizzling hot–just like the customers themselves.

Hotels

Axel Hotel Berlin (Lietzenburger Str. 13/15, Schöneberg) Our favorite hotel in all of Berlin is the trendy Axel. With other locaations in Barcelona and Buenos Aires, the “hetero friendly” gay Axel Berlin is centrally located in Schöneberg and right up the straße from the Wittenbergplatz subway station. The minimalist rooms are designed with an open shower for the ultimate in showing off for your traveling companion or overnight guest.

WIFI is free throughout the hotel, with the Urban Bar within the hotel, and a rooftop hot-top with spectacular views. Book through the hotel directly for preferred rates. (http://www.axelhotels. com/berlin) When clean and cheap is the order of the day, we recommend the ArtHotel (Fuggerstr. 33, Schöneberg) where $94.00 gets you a room for two.

Late risers alert: the free breakfast buffet is served at the ArtHotel until 4 p.m. At check-in, receive a free pass to Boilers Sauna (see below) and Connections Club next door plus a Vodka Redbull cocktail to supercharge your first moments in Berlin. Flat screen TV, DVD players, and Ipod stations are standard in this no smoking hotel.

Clubs

Mutschmann’s (Martin-Luther- Straße 19) is a fetish cruise bar with an international reputation. It has a strict dress code of leather, rubber or military on the weekends when it opens its doors at 10 p.m. Should you be one of the unfortunates that forgot to pack leather, the club opens to the curious on Wednesday nights and welcomes all. (www. mutschmanns.de) Tom’s Bar (Motzstraße 19) has been around since the 90s, and fancies itself as “the” first-stop on any gay man’s sweep of the gayborhood.

Lately, it’s instituted a rather amusing door policy where humiliation seems to be part of the technique. (No, we were not turned away, silly rabbit. However, we did witness many hot men who were.) Triebwerk (Urbanstraße 64) This club specializes in underwear and naked nights to such an extent that you’re only allowed to wear head-to-toe clothing on one night—Mondays. Even then, you may be the only one dressed, but at least you’ll get in.

KitKatClub (Köpenicker Straße 76–entrance Brückenstraße) The club is truly legendary and worth a visit just for the matchbooks alone. Opened in the mid-90s by porno producer Simon Thaur and his GF Kirsten Krüger (Miss Kitty is usually manning the door), this place is the site of the most intense fetish parties in town. Themes change daily so check its website. (www.kitkatclub.org/Home/Club)

Saunas

Boiler (Mehringdamm 34) The newest bathhouse in Berlin opened in September of last year to compete with the established and larger Apollo Splash Club (Kurfürstenstraße 101).

Both saunas provide the essential wet steam, dry sauna and cruising rooms, with enough hot men to pack the joints starting in the late afternoon right through to sunrise. Enhale the excitement.

By ROBERT ELIAS DEATON

Part One—In and Around

Berlin is a city best approached with a very open mind. Forget any image you might still possess of a graffiti-covered Berlin wall being toppled, or guarded gates separating East and West. While Berlin of the present is one very much rooted in its past, there is a sense of celebration in the air here that carries with it the scent of liberation.

Getting There

There’s good news and there’s good news about flying to Berlin. The city is not only easy to reach by non-stop flights on Air Berlin from Miami, it happens to be more affordable than any other European city to book. Round trip airfares can be purchased for just over $900 any time of the year directly through Air Berlin’s website (www. airberlin.com).

Until a few years ago, there used to be three airports in Berlin—Tegal located five miles northwest of the city; Tempelhof to the south; and Schönefeld, outside the city in Brandenburg, bordered by the famous gate. Tempelhof was closed to the pubic in 2008, and the first week in June 3, 2012, Tegal and Schonefeld will close as well.

On the same day, a new airport called Berlin Brandenburg will open in their place using the airport code BER. Like all things German, it will be executed with precision, having been in the planning stages for years.

The rail system has already been rerouted to include a stop directly underneath the new main terminal, with trains to the center of Berlin taking just under a half hour, and departing every 15 minutes. It’s about the same amount of time to make the journey by cab, but far less expensive. So if you don’t mind a little hassle with carting your bags, use the train and save the dough for some Wiener schnitzel.

 The Neighborhoods

To get your bearings in this metropolis of some 300,000 gays, think of the city as a big round pie. In the center is the neighborhood known as Mitte, German for “middle” and the hub for tourist traffic.

It’s the place to find what little remains of old Russian rule, including Alexanderplatz,- -the center of the old Communist Berlin— as well as Checkpoint Charlie—the crossing point at the Berlin wall, and now a museum that’s you’ll definitely want to make a point to visit.

On the West side of Mitte is the Tiergarten district, famous for the botanical gardens whose groomed lawns are the perfect place to find nude sunbathers—all perfectly legal in this city of abundant decadence.

On the East side of Mitte is Friedrichshain. This is a transition area that was once the center of East Berlin’s concrete slab dwellings and warehouses.

Consider this neighborhood as Berlin’s version of New York’s Lower East Side and Soho combined.

For those who like it on the rough side and want to see skinheads and white supremacists in the wild, continue east at your own risk.

Prenzlauer Berg is to the northeast of Mitte, an historic neighborhood of lovely old townhomes and trendy street cafes and coffeeshops that will appeal to the more traditional artistic types and classy gays of a certain vintage. There’s yuppy wealth all around the place in Prenzl’berg, so prepare to spend some cash while there.

Aim for the south of Mitte and find Kreuzberg, home to the area’s largest lesbian population and a growing commune of anarchic punks. Even under the former Communist rule, it was always a place where the cool congregated. That much hasn’t changed; just gotten a bit more gentrified.

Head further south still and reach Neukölln—Kreuzberg on steroids. Artists find the inexpensive housing a draw, and there are lots of local galleries to prove the point.

And then there is Schöneberg. We’ve saved the best for last for a good reason. To think Gay Berlin is to think Schöneberg.

It was in front of Schöneberg’s town hall that John F. Kennedy made his famous “Ich bin ein Berliner” speech, and meant it. You too will feel at home. This is a neighborhood with more rainbow flags than cafés, and first-time visitors may never venture outside its confines, so plentiful is the assortment of goodies provided within.

But that would be a shame. Berlin is a city that needs to be explored for all its flavors.

It’s a huge, sprawling wonderment of variety and inbred tolerance. So inbred, in fact, that it was over ninety years ago that the first gay club was opened here. It was in Schöneberg that Christopher Isherwood wrote his “Berlin Stories” that became the hit musical “Cabaret.” And you, too, will be singing “Willkommen” before you can stop yourself.

Grub and Such While most Germans speak fluent English, the majority of German restaurants will print their menus in their native tongue.

This is particularly true in the smaller kaffees, which you should not hesitate to frequent. These small restaurants are not only some of the best places to meet the locals, they are also the source of some fantastic regional cuisine.

There are over 1,500 types of sausages in Germany, with some 300 of them made in Berlin alone. Look for the word wurst if sausage is your thing. Bratwurst is usually made from pork; blutwurst is as well, though it’s been darkened with blood; and darker still is schwarzwurst, which often is made using the blood from geese.

Fortunately, it tastes better than it sounds.

If you’re in the mood for fish, look for local trout or salmon listed as forelle and lachse. Spargel is the local name for white asparagus; spätzle is a large, flat noodle; knödel is a delicious potato dumpling; Kartoffelpüree are mashed potatoes; and pizza is, well, pizza. Some things are just too good to change.

German breads are as fantastic as they are plentiful. Look for roggenbrot if you like rye; mehrkornbrot if multi-grain is your taste; and kürbiskernbrot if the concept of pumpkin seeds inside dark rye sounds interesting.

Since Berliners and the tourists that love them play night and day, fast food is available 24/7. While you’ll notice the familiar signs for McDonald’s and Burger King, the real favorite here is doner kebabs, the German version of gyros served on pita bread with a yoghurt sauce.

All the better to eat and run.

Next week, Part Two—the Clubs, the Hotels, the Adventure. It’s worth the wait, liebling.

La Dolce Vita Italian Style

ROBERT ELIAS DEATON

As Italian cities go, Venice is more dramatic than gay. While in America, the two qualities often go hand-inhand, in Venice there is a certain chaotic energy that never really sleeps. Even in the middle of the night, voices can be heard drifting from secret alleys where laundry is hung between buildings and gondolas with tiny silver bells navigate the canals taking reclusive dowagers to bed before sunrise, lest someone actually see them in the daylight.

It is not enough to visit Venice; one has to absorb it. Only then can you appreciate the food, wine, art and architecture, and the little family squabbles that overflow unto the street with the appearance of minor wars. These are actually just discussions in the guise of skirmish, for as we said, drama is everywhere here and continues to rise, right along with the tide in the romantic canals, and the cost of living everywhere else.

There’s nothing in Venice that’s reasonable priced, particularly hotels, which think nothing of charging 400 or 500 dollars a night for a room the size of a walk-in closet. Venice is a city of islands connected by bridges, but there are bargains to be found, if you know which bridge to cross and where to look. Our favorite gay bed and breakfast is the Fujiyama (Calle Lunga San Barnaba 2727A in the Dorsoduro sestieri of Venice. It’s a superb place to unwind from the aforementioned drama of Venice, taking its cue not from Italy, but from Japan where the zen is all about calm, and teas, and things like that.

At the Fujiyama, you can get a room from a low 60 euros during off-season, including AC, a private bath, continental breakfast with fresh cornetti and marmalade spreads, and share a lovely Japanese tea garden, with its fragrant jasmine and wisteria flowers, over which the largest room (The Shanghai) looks. Your hosts are Carlo and Wen-yu, and the boys will make you feel both Italian and Japanese within fifteen minutes of your arrival.

Smaller, but with better views, the gayowned Corte Gherardi (Cannaregio 5558) is in the San Marco sestieri just around the corner from the bridge over the Ponte di Rialto.

Rooms here begin at 90 euros, with free wi-fi, and breakfast in bed. It doesn’t get much more mio amore than this.

You can walk from both the Fujiyama and the Corte Gherardi to all the visual treats that Venice offers including Piazza San Marco, where the throngs go to feed the pigeons and buy their T-shirts. The place is named for the Bysantine confection at the far end of the square—the Basilica di San Marco, where the gold-laidened alter, the Pala d’Oro, is housed.

Of course you’ll do the tourist thing in Piazza San Marco. Feel free to walk the streets in the neighborhood, losing yourself in the ambiance that is Venice and throwing yourself into haggling over prices on everything from bologna to designer knock-offs (which make great presents, but are frowned upon at customs).

At Bacino Orseolo 1192), discover the smallest Hard Rock Café in all of Europe. It’s a photo op waiting to happen since the café is located at a gondola terminal—the blue-tarped boats lined up in show-stopping perfection. The bar/café serves all the menu items Americano style, calories included.

Hard Rock Café Venice

Do not miss a side trip to the Palazzo Ducale (Piazza San Marco 1), the one-time home of the Dogé who was the grand poo-pah of Venice way back when. Now it’s a museum to the excess of Venice when it was the center of all things civil.

For lunch, walk around the corner and find Vinovino (Ponte Delle Veste 2007/A) where gondoliers mix it up with baronesses to fight over the breadsticks and glasses of wines that number in the hundreds.

And do not miss the opportunity to take the Vaporetta 1 (the water taxi that hits the hottest tourist spots) to the Riva di Biasio stop where you’ll find I Due Girasoli (San Stae 1908, Santa Croce), owned by two lesbians and is the only gay bar in town.

Vaporetta 1 will also take you across the lagoon to the Lido di Venezi, which was featured in the film “Death in Venice,” and the closest thing to a gay beach in town.

From the gondola stop, walk to the Adriatic side of this six-mile long sandbar, where you’ll find the Petit Palais Lido di Venezia (Lungomare Marconi 56), a delightful boutique hotel where everyone seems to be either gay, gay-friendly, or gay adjacent. It’s where the boys are, doing their thing surfside.

If you really want to party, pack your bags and head to Padua (locally called Padova) which you can get to by train in less than half-an-hour. This walled city is home to the Scrovegni Chapel with its frescoes by Giotto, and the Basilica di Sant’Antonio where you must not miss the frescoes by Altichiero da Zevio in the St. James Chapel.

The hotel value in the center of Padova is the newly remodeled Hotel Milano (Via Pilade Bronzetti 62), which mixes old and new in a seamless couture. Nearby is the largest café in all of Italy and perhaps the world. The Caffè Pedrocchi (Via VIII Febbraio 15) has a labyrinth of rooms in varying styles, all created in the 19th century by Italian architect Giuseppe Jappelli. At night, the gay scene in Padova thrives.

By ROBERT ELIAS DEATON

The Canary Islands sit off the coast of Northwest Africa some 60 miles from Morocco but, otherwise, a world away. The Spanish archipelago is composed of seven major islands, all watched over by its own patron saint, the Virgin of Candelaria, who has her hands full—particularly in Playa del Inglés, the largest resort town in the group. Here, being gay is not only accepted, it’s expected. Let me explain.

All of the Canaries, as the islands are collectively known, have a live-and-let-live lifestyle that manifests itself in a joy so contagious that straights, gays, transsexuals, and bipolars rub hips, lock lips and otherwise enjoy each other’s company without the slightest hint of judgment. Playa del Inglés on Gran Canaria (the second most populated of the islands) takes carpe diem to the extreme with a nude beach and sand dunes to frolic by day, and a 200 store/ bar shopping mall called the Yumbo Centrum to get naughty by night. But first things, first. You get to the Canary Islands via flights to Las Palmas Airport (LPA).

Playa del Inglés

From the airport, known locally as Gando, you can catch a cab to Playa del Ingles for 35 euros, or take the five euros #66 public bus if money is tight. Either way, it’s a short 20-minute trip. The Riu Palace Maspalomas Hotel (Avenida Tirajana, Plaza Fuerteventura) is always a good choice for a place to stay. It’s the closest hotel to the sand dunes and the gay beach (located near beach stand #7)—just follow the pack of boys in thongs. It’s a ten minute walk to Yumbo Centrum (Avenida de Espana), a four-story tourist trap of stores and restaurants during the day that turns into a gay mecca at night. After 10 p.m., the bars take control of the place, with each trying to outdo the other with music and drink specials, backrooms and black lights. The dress code in the evening is, well, minimum— as in, the less you have on the better. Nearly all the gay bars at Yumbo are clothing optional. The only item required is footwear, which should tell you something.

You can float from bar to bar, wearing only your underwear, which is about as carpe diem as you can get. Most clubs charge five euros cover, which includes a free drink. At The Cellar, on the ground floor, Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Fridays are Underwear night (that’s the maximum you can wear), Thursday night you’ll find Naked in the Dark (no explanations needed), Saturday is Jock Strap night while Sunday is Shoes Only. The Cellar knows how to throw a party. On the first floor, Cruise Bar is the oldest gay club in town. Its theme is leather, the mood is dark, and the place is packed until 6 a.m., so they must be doing something right. Upstairs on the fourth floor is Club Mykonos, with an enormous dance floor, and a motto that reads “If You’re Not Having Sex, See One of Our Staff for Assistance.”

Think of it as Greek by way of Spain, Canary style. The local Gay Pride runs from May 7 through 12. There’s a traditional parade on the final day running smack through the middle of town on the Avenida Tirajana. This year’s theme is Countries of the World, so you’ll fit right in even if you call Florida home. The entire event climaxes at the Yumbo Centrum (where else?) and it’s a 24/7 type of party—not unlike the Canary Islands itself. And remember, the Virgin of Candelaria has your back.

By ROBERT ELIAS DEATON

It is tough being gay in Moscow. Up until 1993, homosexuality was deemed a crime in Russia; and it was only thirteen years ago that it was removed from a list of mental illnesses. As the world at large has embraced tolerance, and is increasingly accepting same-sex marriage, Russia has moved in the opposite direction, sending gays underground to meet and greet.

Attempts to organize Gay Pride parades in Moscow have been labeled “satanic” and met with police brutality. Last week, some 400 miles away, Saint Petersburg enacted a law that makes it illegal for anyone to disseminate “homosexual propaganda” among minors, or to suggest that homosexual relations are a normal form of human interaction on a par with heterosexual relations. Moscow has a similar law on the table.

Even so, this city of 11,000,000 people has a wealth of historical sites and attractions that are must-see stops should you ever make it to the Russian capital. You will need a visa to visit Moscow, or any other place in Russia. Your hotel can expedite these arrangements. If the sugar daddy recently cashed in his Apple stock or made a killing in Google, choose the Ritz Carlton Moscow (Tverskaya Street 3). Among the features of this 11-story architectural monument are a fully functioning spa including indoor pool, and just-hip-enough rooftop lounge called O2. You’ll feel right at home, instantly.

If money is tight, consider the Petrovka Loft Hotel (Petrovka 17/2, 41), housed in a Stalinesque building that once served as communal apartments in the old days. A complete gutting and remodeling changed all that a few years back, leaving a dozen low-budget yet elegantly designed private rooms. Both places are near Red Square (Red Square, 1), Saint Basil’s Cathedral (Red Square, 4) and close by the Bolshoi Ballet (Teatralnaya pl 1), now in its 236th season—tourist no-fail-zones all.

For art, we highly recommend the Garage Center for Contemporary Culture (19A Obraztsova Street; 7-495- 645-0520; garageccc.com/eng) where large modern works of art have been assembled in what was a former bus depot designed by the Constructivist architect Konstantin Melnikov in the 20s.

There are 96 parks in the city (as well as 18 public gardens), so there is no shortage of green space, which becomes multi-colored in the spring and summer.

Our favorite is the Central Park of Culture and Leisure, popularly known as Gorky Park (on the bank of the Moskva, just southwest of the city center). Once the site of aging amusement rides and fast-food stands, Central Park of Culture and Leisure has been transformed in the past year and become the place to go for outdoor aerobics, yoga, and all things physical— including roller and ice skating. It’s the perfect spot to see Russian men, straight and gay, in various degrees of undress. Remember: look but don’t touch.

Novoslobodskaya

Do not miss the Moscow Metro. It is not only the perfect way to get from place to place, but its stations also provide a quick tour of marble, crystal and limestone craftsmanship. On the Ring Line, you’ll be amazed at the Novoslobodskaya and Komsomolskaya stops. On the Arbatsko-Pokrovskaya Line, don’t miss the Park Pobedy station—the world’s deepest, buried 308 feet underground and with the longest escalator in town.

Now if we could just get the Russians to lighten up on the anti-gay rules. The vodka wouldn’t taste any better, but all those gymnastic and ballet stars certainly would! P.S. Goluboi, the Russian word for “blue,” also translates as “gay.” Remember where you heard if first.

By ROBERT ELIAS DEATON

We love Queen Bea. Ever since she rose to the throne as Queen of the Netherlands, Princess of Orange-Nassau, Princess of Lippe- Biesterfeld and a host of other titles officially recognized as “etc. etc. etc.,” the monarch has ruled in a rather laid-back fashion over her country in North-West Europe.

While commonly called “Holland” in America, that term is pars pro toto of the entire place, the capital of which is Amsterdam—home to Queen Beatrix and what, at last count, was a zillion gays or so it seems when they’re all quashed together.

The world as a whole, and Amsterdam in particular, celebrates Queen Bea’s birthday on April 30 (even though her actual b’day is in January. Nobody, including Beatrix it seems, wants to party in the cold). And what a party it is! The streets are lined with revelers and buskers of all descriptions, with locals selling wares, food and various items of questionable value.

Amsterdam Hotel de L’Europe

Most of the fun is packed into several compact areas of the city, of which our personal favorite is Reguliersdwarsstraat, a street that contains several rather old gay bars, and many newly closed ones. Regardless, that mouthful of a name is still the center of gay action in the neighborhood. The nearby five-star hotel D’Europe (Nieuwe Doelenstraat 2-14), built in 1896, is in a prime location along the Amstel River. Newer, but no less posh, is Banks Mansion (Herengracht 519 – 525). Housed in a renovated bank building, this boutique hotel was opened in 2004, so the plumbing all works—which in Amsterdam is no small matter.

Just down the canal is the Amstel area, a local neighborhood that borders the Rembrandtplein. Just off this traffic-free square, you’ll find the modern Hampshire Hotel (Amstelstraat 17), with rooms starting at $90, which translates to $130, and in Amsterdam terms is dirt cheap. During the Queen’s Birthday holiday however, you will likely have to pay quite a bit more wherever you book. In Europe, it’s called marketplace pricing; in America, it’s called price gouging.

If you’re feeling a bit naughty (and with all this testosterone pulsing nearby, why wouldn’t you?), look no further than Warmoesstraat.

This is one of Amsterdam’s oldest streets, and now the home of an assortment of leather bars, back rooms, and saunas, and next door to the famous Red Light District.

Amidst these distractions is the Greenhouse Effect (Warmoesstraat 55), a hotel that sits above its own coffee shop in a simple, eco-friendly and clean environment. That in itself is a pleasant change of pace from a city where locals think nothing about peeing in the street.

Reguliersdwarsstraat

Much has been written about the legal use of drugs in this city. The fact is that all recreational drugs, including marijuana, are illegal in the Netherlands. The fact that coffee houses around the city sell pot does not mean that the place isn’t strictly breaking the law. In fact, marijuana is tolerated, not legal.

Should you care to debate the subtle (or not so subtle) differences between Purple Haze, Black Moroccan, Maui Wowwie, Grasstasy, Swarte Marok, Blond Marok, White Widow, Northern Light or Stonehedge, the place to go is the Grey Area Coffeeshop (Oude Leliestraat 2) near the Anne Frank House. Two Americans, who are extremely knowledgeable about all things cannabis, own the joint and are not the least bit shy about sharing their wealth of info.

When it’s time to clear your lungs, head to the Vondelpark, a 120-acre public garden located in the stadsdeel Amsterdam Oud-Zuid, west from the Leidseplein and the Museumplein. And if you look really closely, you might even catch Queen Bea.

Vondelpark

Robert Elias Deaton is a world-traveling

epicure who enjoys the finer things in life.