YOU THOUGHT THAT DRINKING ALL weekend would make us go away but we’re still here. Happy Monday!” Sincerely, Your Problems.

HOW COME IT’S OK FOR YOU TO FLIRT with whoever you want, but as soon as I even look at another hot guy I get bitched at?

I’VE TRIED SEVERAL TIME TO RUN into you to get you to notice me. You’ve already said I was sexy, so what exactly is the deal?

I HAVE BEEN KILLING myself trying to get a perfect body. I’m seriously thinking about just taking steroids. I will definitely get laid more.

I INTRODUCED MY EX to one of my friends and they end up getting drunk and hooking up. What kind of BS is that? Guys are just horny bastards that will screw anything.

I THINK ITS BULLSHIT THAT YOU blow me to off and then end up doing lines of coke in the strip club bathroom off some old dude’s ass. We’ll see if I come and pick you up next time you are a wasted mess.

GOING OUT EVERY WEEKEND IS getting so old. I really should just start drinking at home and jerking off to porn. I would feel better and still get my nut at the end of night.

MILEY CYRUS IS THE SHIT. I DON’T care what people say about her. She’s 17, if she wants to be a slut, so what? I was hooking up when I was 15.

I WAS REALLY BORED THIS WEEK. I must have watched like fifteen different pornos and jerked off. I think it was a new low and a new record.

IT’S THE MIDDLE OF THE SUMMER and I still haven’t been to the beach. But it’s easier to just lay out by my pool instead of driving out to the beach and endlessly looking for a parking spot.

SOME JERK OFF PASSED ME THE OTHER day while I was driving and then slowed down to turn. I wanted to ram the back of the car.

I HAD MY APARTMENT TO myself for an entire week and didn’t have any company. What a wasted of being able to make as much noise as I wanted to in my bed.

A BIRD MADE HER NEST ON MY porch, and I was initially fine with it. I went out there recently and there was shit everywhere. I looked at the mama bird and I think she could tell I was pissed.

I DESPERATELY NEED A VACATION. Not only do I need some R&R, I need a new crowd of guys to choose from for a few days. I think I’ve done the rounds here one too many times.

LEVI JOHNSTON AND HIS BITCH fiancé make me sick. How can they get so much press off of being hypocrites? I seriously doubt they are not boning.

I WAS SO HUNGOVER RECENTLY I made myself throw up for like two hours straight. It was one of the worst feelings to have all of the alcohol come up.

Do you have a “Bitch” you want to submit?  Post it on the Mega Bitches facebook page and it just may end up in future edition of the Florida Agenda.

I hate doing bitch work! When do I get my own bitch to do my bitch work??

Why is it that the fattest and ugliest person in the group has the biggest attitude. Bitch if I wanted to see a whale with a large blowhole I’d go see Shamu not u….

If you want sympathy, its in the dictionary between shit and syphilis.

Here’s to getting stuck behind the never-ending train when you’re already late.

I don’t get Grindr profiles with headless bodies that say “just looking for friends.” Then why the hell you on Grindr, bitch?

I finally decided to get one of those online accounts to try to meet a decent guy, and once again everyone is only looking for the same thing: to hook up. Is there any outlet out there to meet a normal guy?

I had a dream about my ex last night, but it was more like a nightmare.  How can he still be bothering me three years later?

Ugh, I haven’t wanted to work out in weeks, but I don’t want to get out of shape.

What a shitty 4th of July weekend.  It was raining all freakin weekend and I got zero sun.  I guess it’s back to the tanning bed to catch up.

This guy keeps asking me to send him nude pics of me, but he will never send any of himself back.  When he finally does send pics back, they are of other guys.

Some days I wake up and really despise being gay.  It’s like vicious cycle of meeting guys, hooking up, and then starting over again.  I really don’t see anything changing anytime soon.

I was out the other night and couldn’t find my check card and couldn’t drink most of the night.  Come to find out it was underneath my seat in the car the whole time.

Eclipse was really good and I want to know what happens next, but I HATE reading and don’t want to read through 700+ pages in the final book.

I was hooking up with this guy and he lasted literally one minute.  I was like WTF? Then of course I had to finish myself off.

Every time I leave work there is always a swarm of people drinking outside for happy hour.  I have to fight so hard to not join them.

I love Lindsay Lohan to death, but I hope she does not get out of jail early.  I think it would be shitty if she didn’t learn her lesson from this and get her life back on track.

Do you have a “Bitch” you want to submit?  Post it on the Mega Bitches facebook page and it just may end up in future edition of the Florida Agenda.

I am at this club to have a cocktail and it smells like chicken fingers in here.  I almost feel like I want to throw up.

I was having a good weekend and then the muffler fell of the back of my car and I was stranded with nothing to do for days.  I had no idea what an inconvenience it would be.

I was invited to this event but decided not to go because I was tired.  The guy gave me a guilt trip, so I went and there were only five people there.

Ugh, every time I tell myself I’m going to take a few days off from drinking it never works.  I end up getting just as drunk AND going to McDonalds or Checkers.

I was all excited about going to a party this weekend, but when I looked in my closet I had absolutely nothing to wear.

This guy I was crushing on came into the bar and just completely walked by me after saying hello to the people with me.

I was talking to this guy for a while and it seemed like we were hitting it off and then all of a sudden he stopped talking to me.

It’s amazing that after all of the guys I have hooked up with, barely any of them talk to me.  I guess I got myself into my own mess.

Why do I keep getting drunk and sending random, embarrassing text and facebook messages?

I was so hung-over on Sunday I could barely move.  I stayed in my bed all day and watched TV.  I literally only got out of bed to use the bathroom.

Only David Beckham can pull off a European swimsuit.  You just look like a girl.

I have been trying to call my friend for a few days now and we keep missing each other.

I have had an injury for a few months now and I don’t know what to do about it.  The doctors say just to rest it, but I can’t.

Some radio personalities really get on my nerves.  Some of them pretend to be know it alls and all I want to do is punch them in the face.

I have been sleeping like shit lately.  I can’t seem to find the perfect amount of hours to sleep.  It either feels like too much or not enough.

I was in the grocery store the other day and this stupid lady was walking so slowly in front of me dragging her feet.  I wanted to ram my cart into her.

I am so bored sitting at home just waiting to take my board exam.  I don’t understand why this process takes so long.

Do you have a “Bitch” you want to submit?  Post it on the Mega Bitches facebook page and it just may end up in future edition of the Florida Agenda.

I hate how she acts like she loves you and will do anything for you but….when you don’t agree with the things she wants…the tables turn.

I finally met a guy who was everything I was looking for in someone and it turns out that he does drugs.  I think it’s just in my cards to be unhappy.

I have furniture strewn all over my house and it looks a hot mess.   When is someone going to come get that damn table out so I can put up my new one?

I was telling this person about a friend and how her husband hand cancer or a tumor on his brain and she said “bad things happen to bad people”. What a bitch!

I just had a patient run to the bathroom and fart the entire way down the hall. Wonderful!

I can’t believe I had to wait 3 hours to finally talk to someone.  I understand having a busy schedule, but if you do it just because you think you can, that’s just wrong.

Someone said to me “most of the things you tell me I already know.” What a dick.

Don’t you hate when you are at the bar and someone buys you a drink or a shot, and right before you go to drink it your date/bf/partner/husband asks you….”who sent you that?”

‘Just Sayin’, ‘Really’, ‘My Bad’, – abused words of the Decade.

Guys that say “bro” or “dude” or “man” ten times in every sentence make me want to scream.  Just because you talk like that does not make you any more masculine.  It makes you sound like an idiot.

My friends complain I’m a bitch because I like to get what I want.  I don’t think that makes me a bitch, I just think that makes them bitchy.

Pride was fun last weekend, but it was SOOOO hot and I couldn’t even take off my shirt because I was working.

You don’t have to be cracked out EVERY time you go out.

I wish my roof would stop leaking.  I can’t put anymore napkins up there to stop the water from leaking onto my computer.  UGH!

How dare you march up in there like you are actually somebody and try to steal my thunder.  That will NEVER happen again.

Stop beating around the bush about what you want.  If you want something bad enough you just need to tell someone.  WTF?

I know you have your phone on you all of the time.  Why does it take you so long to respond to text messages I send you?  When I’m around you, you are constantly texting.

Don’t you hate it when you go out with your girlfriends…lol…guy friends… and there is always that one that thinks everybody is looking at him? Not cute.

Do you have a “Bitch” you want to submit?  Post it on the Mega Bitches facebook page and it just may end up in future edition of the Florida Agenda.