By Christian Alexander
I may have sounded more than a bit cynical when it comes to medication, the doctor’s who prescribe them and the pharmacies that distribute them, but I have reason to be. I have been told by more than one doctor that if I didn’t take their medications for my HIV, I wouldn’t live long enough to follow any of my dreams. These were and are doctors – people I was raised to trust in and believe without question.
For a very long time, I played the good little patient and took their concoctions, all the while feeling worse on them than I did off. After an unscheduled “treatment holiday,” I just stopped taking my meds when my lover was dying. As distraught as I was over what I was going through and my up-coming nervous breakdown, physically I started feeling better. Then, my partner died. I spent more than a few days “resting” at a nearby hospital, all the while denying the HIV medication they wanted to shove down my throat.
When I got out of the hospital, I began drinking … heavily … and often. You know those miniature bottles of booze they serve on airlines? I had them stashed everywhere-around my apartment, in the glove box of the car, in the trunk of the car, hidden in my closets, stashed in my desk at work, hidden all around the spa that I ran. I mean everywhere. Breakfast, lunch and dinner for years.
Somehow I managed to keep up appearances, made it to work, didn’t have any car accidents and kept my quarterly doctor’s appointments for blood work. I had been mostly on and sometimes off my medications since my diagnosis in 1994. My number’s (T-Cells and later viral load) tests were never great, but they were never that bad.
Oddly enough, when I began to disregard my doctor’s orders and got to the stage where I could drink Karen Walker under the table, my numbers actually improved. For over four years, I’d get checked every three months and for four years, I was “ok.” Even though I didn’t feel I needed to be on the meds, the doctor’s spiel was always the same.” You need to be on medication,” and because I had learned a thing or two and argued with them, they never took me seriously.
When I destroyed my life in 2001, I went through detox and rehab. I stayed sober for nearly a year, then I got sick. Very sick. Several days and two spinal taps, sick. I joked with my doctor that if this was sobriety, I was going back to the bar. He disregarded me, gave me new medication to take. After the scare I had in the hospital, I was inclined to take them. Long story short, it got a lot worse before it got better.
Having been on one of the meds, I was on led to my tranquilizer addiction. I always thought it rather ironic that they would give a known alcoholic heavy duty tranquilizers, but back then, I didn’t know what it was and wasn’t about to question the doctor.
The more I have thought about it, the pharmaceutical companies are greedy. That’s business in America. They are out to make a buck just like everyone else. But, it seems now, we also have more disorders, depression, aches and pains and anxiety than we ever did in the past. Is it that society is under so much stress that our minds and bodies create problems that need to be fixed? Or is it that the drug companies are creating the need through seeing these trends and are quickly coming up with medications to placate us.
Of course, there are drugs out there that do wonderful things for people. Cancer patients are living longer, although I am forced to question the price for that time. I’ve seen people go through chemo, it’s a literal hell with no guarantee that it will work.
I have no doubt that there will always be a real need for newer and better drugs, but I don’t see anything other than greed by changing a formula on a proven medication just to pad their pockets more. Sure, an extended release tablet is more convenient, but what is this convenience worth when the older one is available generically for a tenth of the price? Which do you choose:
convenience or cost? Especially with some insurance companies cutting off paying for the “older” drug in favor of funding the “newest” formula.
Stay healthy, but if you do fall ill, ASK QUESTIONS!!!