Florida Agenda

This bathroom was spotless only moments ago: My boyfriend’s model sailboat carefully polished, every water stain on my mirror gone, and my counter empty. But now it’s a different scene: The countertop has a quarter-inch of hairspray covering it, hair wax begins to dry around the drain in the sink, and the place is littered with a hairbrush, a flat iron, and a halfempty, uncapped bottle of cologne. My closet will soon be in a similar state, consisting of a colossal pile of outfits that I’ll try on and reject. What a mess! How quickly does getting ready for a night out reverse the hard work I put into cleaning in the first place. And what fun it will be to clean it again tomorrow. Hungover.

The funny thing about it, after all this trouble—after spending hundreds on a new outfit, agonizing over whether or not to even wear it, spending even more on booze for a pre-party, painstakingly going through every contact in my phone to make sure all the right people were invited—I look at myself in the mirror and realize: I don’t even want to go out.

When we were younger, we co-signed a metaphorical pledge with ourselves: We would spend every night out on the town, taking it by storm, whisking it away to wherever we wanted it to go.

We ignored what we did to our bodies, we paid no mind to how ridiculous we sounded to our mature friends, and we heeded not the advice of our elders. We soaked ourselves in cologne, spent hours doing our hair, and spent money we didn’t have on clothes. We did so with integrity and conviction. THIS is who we are, we thought.

By JUSTIN JONES

Of course, when we got a little older— when our bodies took more time to recover, when we found “big boy” jobs and started caring about our friends more than ourselves—we settled down a bit. We laughed at our former crazy ways, professed a “new me”—a cliché to convey our newfound maturity—and then took it upon ourselves to find a new path, one that led toward settling down with the Love of our Life (he’d come one day), and the family we’d share.

My “new me” was born several years ago. I was finishing my bachelor’s degree, I had found the love of my life, and before long I’d be forever in his arms. “Going out” wouldn’t do anymore.

Inevitably, I occasionally relapsed into that former behavior, but not like it was before—the “old me” was a strange, amusing caricature of the new. Or at least that’s what I thought.

Now here I am, staring at the mess I’ve made in my bathroom. Twenty-six years old. I’m dating the man of my dreams. I have a wonderful job. I host dinner parties. I’m a real adult! Right?

Wrong. There’s still that teenage-era mess in my bathroom and in my closet. Who did this? Was there ever actually a “new me?” I reflect the next day while I’m folding the clothes in my closet, and I affirm my suspicions: There never was a “new me,” after all. I just matured enough to appreciate what my teenage self had missed out on, the people who make my life important.

I guess we never really grow up; we just get better at pretending.

By Jason Otero

I’ve quietly had enough of my loudmouthed liberal Facebook friends (you know who are, the really UNHINGED ones), and the demagogic talking heads of ratings-challenged MSNBC and other media outlets, constantly trashing conservatism and spewing lie after distortion about the things for which I, as an American LGBT conservative, stand. Although I am capable of admitting that some good things have come from the Left, they are far outweighed by its demagoguery, hyperbole, and lies, which are desperate attempts to hide from the current round of resounding failures of their political ideology, and their economically and socially-disastrous president.

Blindly labeling conservatives and Tea Partiers as “anti-environment,” “racists,” “sexists,” “bigots,” and “homophobes,” without any proof is the height of disingenuousness. On the contrary, I’ve personally heard more racist, sexist, bigoted, AND HOMOPHOBIC rhetoric from within the mainstream of our own LGBT community than I ever did living in conservative Seminole County, Florida, or in Louisville, Kentucky.

One must only look to our liberal strongholds (California, Detroit, New Orleans, New York, etc.), and the disastrous cesspool of democratic socialism in Europe, to see how liberalism, when left unchallenged, causes deep unemployment, overprinting cash (which lowers currency value and increases inflation), inescapable dependence on government, soaring deficits and debt, plummeting property values, high taxes (coupled with higher costs of living and declining wages), and a truly desperate population. This is the path upon which Obama, Pelosi, and other powerful democratic socialists have taken us. (Please, stop with the “Party of ‘No’” rhetoric.The Democrats had two solid years of supermajorities, when GOP interference was not possible.)

Here, now, is my “short list” of the consequences of unchecked, radical liberalism: The emphasis on “good intentions” while ignoring disastrous results; the victim mentality; incitement of racial hatred and class envy; the “thought police” and political correctness; anti-Americanism; Christian persecution; crusades against corporations and small businesses; radical environmentalism and its violent eco-terrorists; white-washing history in the “liberal image” in public schools and academia; the spreading of verifiable lies and exaggerations about global warming, and leaders who become as wealthy spreading those lies; refusing to denounce the numerous criminal and deviant elements among the Occupy Wall Street crowd; the rise of the “me first” mentality, and envious wealth- and success-haters; moral relativism; radical feminism and the “twink”-ification of men; the betrayal by the black “elite” of their own people; the radical gay “elite” who demand devotion to the Democrat Party and Liberalism; absurdly high taxes, over-regulation, and deficit spending, all deadly to an economy; “nanny government” and invasive control of every aspect of our lives, most notoriously under Obamacare; the belief that government knows best; demonization of our military power; the myth of a shrinking middle class; and the monopoly over and corruption of the news media.

Atop my list is the Left’s “living, breathing document” re-interpretation of the Constitution, designed to make violating our rights easier, while inflating the government’s power and size dangerously beyond what our Founding Fathers intended.

Nothing extreme is sustainable or healthy for a nation, and that goes for Conservatism, too. The truth lies in the “sensible center.” Fight honorably for what you believe in, but don’t demonize everything about your opponents while ignoring and enabling radicalism on your own side. This constitutes the height of ignorance in the political discourse of civilized 21st century society.

My advice to the Left: Get it together, girls. Obama has driven this country off a cliff.

ALEX VAUGHN

When I was growing up, politics was one of those topics that polite people didn’t talk about; the same way you wouldn’t ask someone what they earn, you didn’t ask someone who they voted for.

Here in the US, it is very different:  People happily talk, fight and argue about whom they voted for and why, even so far as to explain vehemently why someone is wrong for having voted a certain way.  This is a much healthier and positive way to come together and share opinions; it opens up the discussion on politics. As we all know, policy
makers undoubtedly advance or hinder the progression of gay rights in the US.

Times have changed and in the community we have our own agenda. We are naturally most interested in the advancement of our rights and, in that vein, it seemed most gay people often sided with Democrats. The tide, however, is changing and there are more and more Gay Republicans, Independents and even Tea Party members. This could be attributed to many factors, including an aging population.  The simple fact is gay rights are often not enough to sway the LGBT voter. Candidates have to offer more: Healthcare, finance, schooling and adoption are just a few examples of policies that affect the LGBT population alongside gay rights.

As a community that is diverse under the umbrella of LGBT, so to are the political views of the community.

I received a letter a few weeks ago from a reader enraged that we were offering too much of a platform to the ‘few Republicans’ who support gay rights. This alone showed me the ire that politics causes. As attitudes in the US constantly evolve in support for the community, that change will ripple through all political parties. The opinion in question was that daughters of Republicans had come out in support of Gay Marriage. This is a good thing and needs to be reported, as would those saying they don’t agree and why.

We are eighteen months away from the presidential election and in the up-coming months, we will be highlighting candidates, policies and opinions from all parties, not just Democrats and Republicans, but Tea Party and Independents, as well.

We all take issue with how slowly rights advance through politics (marriage equality being a hot button topic at the moment) but without showing every facet to each argument, you can never have a fair decision. We do not hold a position as a newspaper, nor do I as Editor. We will be covering all angles and policies that affect the community in any way.

This enables you to review, decide and choose your candidates with full and clear knowledge of how they align with your core values, opinions and needs.

Now is the time to speak out, use your voice. What are your political views? Which party do you support and why? Who do you think has the community’s best interests at the forefront? Debate, discuss – it is important to have an open communication in this crucial area as a voice for the community.

Whether you are outraged or impressed, disgusted or enamored, your voice needs to be heard during the next eighteen months. Send in your letters and comments about policies you have read, or opinions you have heard from all walks of political life. I want to know what you, as an individual and a member of this community, think. By speaking out through the paper, you have the ability to reach out and ensure you offer opinions and feedback that enable all in the community to decide on the right leadership for the future. Your voice and your views, no matter which party, are always politically correct… because they are yours.

Alex Vaughn is the Editor-in-Chief of the Florida Agenda. He can be reached at editor@FloridaAgenda.com

Alex Vaughn

It has happened … I turned 29 this week and I can now see 30 coming at me like a juggernaut. This unsurprisingly got me thinking about age: Is it really anything more than a number? In so many cases it isn’t; I don’t feel 29, I don’t look 29 (sadly, I have always looked about 32, contrary to the various ‘procedures’ I have endured to stay 21 forever!) All in all, I feel pretty good about being 29 … well, I did until one of my soon-to-be former friends pointed out that in the gay world age works similar to the scale we use to guess a dogs age (take from that what you will).

So, apparently I now fall into a lost age group and won’t be found again till 32, the ages in the gay world are 18, 21, 24, 32, 35, the ever-popular 39, anywhere between 42 – 48, then dead. According to this cruel and evil scale, I am roughly middle aged. (Definitely a more worrying thought than turning 30.)

So, here I am in middle age, too young to be ‘old’ and too old to be a twinky. What to do? Well, turning to drink would be fruitless (and a road already well-travelled), drugs aren’t going to do it (though a Vicodin here or there wouldn’t hurt!). Promiscuity? Not feeling that either. I am nearly 30 – after all, surely it’s time to settle down, right? Age may just be a number, but the higher it gets the more neurotic one becomes!

Don’t worry; I am not going to get into a tirade about a culture obsessed with youth, mainly because it’s been done – we get it: old = bad, young = good. I disagree with the status quo, more than likely because I now don’t think of myself as young anymore. I have taken on responsibilities, got a life (so to speak) and am on track to becoming a contributing member of society. Gone are the flitting days of youth, and sure I miss them, responsibility free days of gay abandon. Experience, however, has taught me being too young does you no favors. Being good-looking is the only thing to bank on!

All in all, that age-old saying “you are only as old as you feel” has plenty of joke possibilities, but it’s a good way to go; live life to its fullest and feel whatever age you want. We are an aging population and people love to say the gay community is obsessed with youth, so many older guys claim they are ‘recapturing their youth’ by dating the ‘cute as a button, not quite as smart twink’; however,  it’s worth noting that the 50-year old divorced straight man with the 22 year old big busted blonde fiancé is no different. Let’s not blame the community – as I get older I’m blaming everyone. A sort of equal opportunity blame. No, seriously, a more positive step would be to make sure we each know age is just a number, and the way to make it hurt less, is to be proud of whom you are and where you are in your life.

So where does that leave me? Well, like anyone, a bit of self-help and I am super positive, till I think a little more; I would like to believe I am a good prospect for a relationship now that I have matured somewhat… unfortunately, and very generally speaking, with so many different rules and regulations in the gay community it would seem I am not eligible for such a thing until I hit the next age bracket. At 21, there would have been no problem, as I go for older it worked perfectly up I would say till 26, checking my sliding scale, that would be another ‘lost’ age. After 26, I can’t be the younger guy, so to speak. I will be the first to admit this self-pity is just an excuse. ‘The One’ as it were, will rarely be lost due to something as trivial as a number, but that logical thought will remain on the outskirts of my semi-private pre-30 internal meltdown.

So, we know what’s attractive in youth, but what about in age? Well, there’s always the parental figure theory. I personally don’t go in for it, but I know many who do; older men are oft looking for a son, one they couldn’t have, they will make poor choices and be taken advantage of, as well of course as being used as an ATM, though people would argue, many actual dads feel that way!  Then there is the wealth of experience that could be that offers the theory that a higher ‘number’ is so much more attractive. I stress ‘could be’; age in this case is nothing but a number, trust me it does not equate to more intelligence or even more experience for that matter. I have spent plenty of time with people older than myself who seem to have lived under rocks!

Many of my friends back home have already hit 29 and we all agree it feels a bit like the green mile. Thirty is coming, there’s nothing to be  done about it and we have all started scrambling around wondering where our youth has gone,  questioning if we have, or when  we will, achieve our hopes, dreams and all that jazz. Then it hits you … that question. Am I where I thought I’d be? I have  decided I am close, what do you think for yourself? With all that said, I shall remain 29 till I achieve a couple more of my goals, so after reading this you will forget I ever divulged my real age, and will act with utter shock and surprise when I tell you next April that I, in fact, could quite possibly be turning 29!

Alex Vaughn is the Editor-in-Chief of the Florida Agenda. He can be  reached at editor@FloridaAgenda.com

Editor’s note: We have an unusual advice column for you. First a personal problem will be described and then Dr. Yakerty, a trained counselor and psychologist, will give his professional advice, followed by a counter view offered either by another psychologist, a reader like yourself, or just a blunt friend.

The Predicament

“Okay Dr. Smarty Pants, answer this: My girlfriend told me she was bisexual from the get go and I thought I could handle that. But I can’t. It makes me twice as jealous and twice as insecure. No matter how good we’re in the sack, I feel she’ll always want something I can’t give her. Can a bi-sexual ever be faithful? Can a no-doubts lesbian ever be happy with someone who bats for both teams

? It’s driving me nuts!”

- Chrissie C.

My View

Woody Allen once said, “the great thing about bisexuality is that it doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.” But you seem to be saying it also doubles the chances your lover will cheat on you.

Not sure if the math works that way in either case, but among the people represented by the letters GLBT, it’s certain we have less sociological, psychological, and biological understanding of bisexuality than

we do for the others. We even lack a clear and commonly understood definition.

For some people the fact they can “perform” sexually with both genders means they are bi, but that wouldn’t be a definition accepted by social scientists and sex researchers. They’d want a distinction between “behavior” and “orientation.” Just because you can do both doesn’t mean you are both.

Alfred Kinsey, the famed sex researcher, said he never found anyone who was 50/50, but that some people, maybe even a majority, might be attracted to both genders, but they were still more oriented toward either hetero or homosexuality.

In talking about sexual identity among men, Christopher Isherwood, the writer on whose short stories “Cabaret” is based, succinctly observed that what makes you gay “is not who makes your dick hard, but who makes your heart skip a beat.”

Research does suggests that bisexuality may be more common among women than it is among men, but the important question isn’t whether your partner finds both sexes physically appealing, but rather if she feels a woman offers for her the possibility of a more lasting and fulfilling relationship, and more to the point, if she finds that possibility exist between you and her.

A totally open and honest discussion with your girlfriend on those questions will tell you far more what you need to know than any advice column ever could.

Counter-View from a Psychiatrist

Yes Virginia, there may not be a Santa Clause, but there really are bisexuals. It isn’t just a halfway stop to admitting you’re gay or an all-purpose license to be a philanderer. Bisexuals often feel they are equally misunderstood by straights and gays, and also equally discriminated against. Yet the issue may not be her bisexuality, but your insecurity and jealousy, for if those are traits in your personality they can no more be wished away than homosexuality can be prayed away. For any healthy and productive relationship, you have to learn to control those impulses, but it may very well be that’s impossible for you with anyone who is genuinely bisexual. If that’s true, face it for your sake and hers.

- Dr. Skinner

Would YOU like to give advice in our next column?

Read the predicament below and tell us what you would say to this person. The best one will be printed along with Dr. Yakerty’s response. Send it to DrYakerty@aol.com. Let us hear from you.

“My lover doesn’t accept he’s gay. He absolutely HATES being gay, but he won’t get any counseling for this. Says his feelings are perfectly normal. That it’s us who accept homosexuality who are the abnormal ones. Sometimes right in the middle of sex he gets disgusted with himself for being ‘that way.’ I love him but think I’m just begging for heartbreak if I get deeper involved. Is there any hope?”