Florida Agenda

By Michael French

“Grateful,” as defined by Webster’s, is “feeling or showing appreciation of kindness; thankful”.

During the twists and turns of the day, some of us are tempted to feel overwhelmed by what’s “wrong” with life instead of taking stock and being grateful for the good we experience each day. The longer we live, the more ups and downs we will have. Our perception of life’s daily routine, events (those planned or unexpected), each triumph and defeat, dictate their impact on our emotional and physiological health. Life is a roller coaster full of peaks and valleys.

Too many of us focus on the things we want to achieve in life, the things we have not yet achieved, and/or the things we do not yet have. We chase after them, gripe about not having them and wish we had what we think we don’t have. We wonder when we will get what we think we lack, and scheme to have it. It is all well and good to have goals, to visualize and work towards them, but it is critically important to your happiness and health to take time and appreciate what’s good in your life and what you have already accomplished.

Gratitude is under-rated and under-utilized. To quench our thirst, we turn the faucet and we have clean water to drink; we want light and we flick a switch; when we’re hungry, we open the refrigerator to find a cornucopia of choices to fill our belly. Do you take all that for granted or do  you quietly remind yourself there are more than a billion people we share this planet with who don’t have those luxuries? When someone lets you in a line of traffic, holds the door for you or compliments you, do you glibly ignore this random act of kindness with an indifferent, obtuse sense of entitlement? Or, do you bask in the moment of this positive experience that you should feel grateful to have come your way? When your partner treats you wonderfully in every way but leaves the cap off the toothpaste, do you forget the romantic dinner he lovingly prepared for you the night before and make sure you admonish him for that more than you showed your gratitude for the delicious meal? When you aren’t grateful for the positives in your life, and acts of kindness are taken for granted or ignored like some leaf blowing down the street, you are missing out on an important component of happiness. Why? Being grateful immediately increases your satisfaction with life and allows you to feel happier. In turn, you will accomplish more because you won’t be anchored down by negative thoughts. Instead, you’ll be more likely to let your heart and mind set sail. Focusing on things to be grateful and appreciative for reminds us of our priorities and what is fundamentally important in our lives.

Showing gratitude is healthy; it’s easier to be thankful. Practicing gratitude and thankfulness is good for your blood pressure, a foe of bulge encouraging cortisol, a friend of anti-aging, inside and out.

Gratitude, like misery, is contagious. You do feel better when you act grateful.  Demonstrating your feeling of gratitude, send a hand-written (yes, the kind for which one uses a pen!) and write a “Thank You” note for a gift, favor, dinner party or, heaven forbid, ”just because”! You can make a real difference in some else’s day, giving them a reason to feel grateful by letting them know they are appreciated. Pay attention to the uplifting impact on your mood when you feel thankful and when you show your thankfulness. Doing so makes you a kinder and more likable human being. Wearing a smile of gratefulness is very attractive. You’ll be surprised at the results.

There are very few things in life that have the power to encourage, inspire, provide peace of mind and bring happiness all at the same time. Being overtly grateful is one of them.

This is an old cliché, but its message holds true, now more than ever. “Stop and smell the roses!”

Do it every day! You’ll be grateful.

Michael French, is Agenda’s Home from Home columnist. Contact Michael at mf7954fla@gmail.com

By Michael French

Dining out until the recent past was primarily reserved for celebrating life’s events, like Mother’s Day and Valentine’s Day. Frantic schedules leave many of us with little spare time or desire to cook a meal. Eating at restaurants has become a lifestyle, especially in Florida. Newspapers and magazines are rife with reviews of restaurants’ atmospheres, cuisine and service. However, I don’t recall reading many articles about how diners should behave in a restaurant.

Know anyone you dread going out to dinner with because their behavior and attitude makes you want to crawl under the table? I do – poor manners combined with their bloated sense of entitlement (i.e., cannot let the server pass by without wanting something, or complain about the smallest thing that isn’t exactly what they demanded). It seems they aren’t happy unless they can victimize themselves. Neediness, high maintenance, rudeness, etc.; these ingredients are a recipe for a not very “tasty” dinner. Drama at the dinner table is unacceptable, especially when you’re paying 50 bucks for a steak only to have heartburn for dessert!

When someone is nice to you but rude to a server or bartender, this is not the conduct of an authentically kind person. Why? This sort of individual is a bully because they are being disrespectful to the server, etc., who they assume is not typically free to defend him or herself from fear of losing their tip or even their job. It appears too many people view the server as their personal “servant” during the time they are in the restaurant. The difference between the definition of server and servitude has, sadly, blurred. The cliché “the customer is always right,” besides being far from correct, doesn’t give people license to be inappropriate. Patrons need to remember, they are buying the product, not the person. Receiving proper value for the price, served with politeness in a timely, professional manner is all any body should feel entitled to expect. Oh, there’s that word, entitled!

One can have a delicious meal and great service without being demanding. First and foremost, don’t forget the “Golden Rule!” Just because you’re paying for the dinner does not excuse forgetting this universal truth. Being courteous will vastly improve your chances of getting exactly what you want. Restaurant personnel are more likely to go out of their way to please you when you show respect for them.

Being a demanding, high maintenance and condescending boor will get you nothing but the bare minimum of service, at best. The movie “Waiting,” though an exaggeration, is a comedic take on the restaurant business but does send a message of “beware” if you mistreat service personnel.

It’s very easy to have a superbly memorable dining experience without being demanding.

Other than the “Golden Rule”, let’s start with two simple words which are very effective: “please” and “thank you”. Remember them? Make eye contact with the server. Listen when they describe the menu. Say “I”d like to have,” not “I want”. Don’t say “Tell the chef.” A server “telling” the chef is like confronting a pit bull on steroids. Refrain from tearing a dish apart, substituting facets of the dish until it doesn’t even resemble what the chef took great pains to create. Go to a restaurant that has a dish you will order without changing anything about it! Save the server and kitchen staff a lot of grief. Never tap the glass, point instead of speaking, snap your fingers or pull on the server’s clothing. Maybe a few visits to a therapist will stave off your chest pounding power trips when you go to restaurants.

Don’t punish the server with a bad tip if the steak is tough, or the wine isn’t “big” enough. He or she made neither. Tip them fairly, according to their attitude and service panache. A well-deserved good tip equals 20% or more.

The ingredients of class, grace, courtesy, empathy, patience, basic good manners and a dash or humility make a great recipe for an enjoyable restaurant experience. Your dining companions, server, taste buds and blood pressure will thank you. Bon appetit.

Michael French, is Agenda’s Home from Home columnist. Contact Michael at mf7954fla@gmail.com

Dogs. “Misty, Nigel, Bristol, Scottie, or Mona”.  Whatever their name, dog lovers cannot imagine life without their “best friend”. According to the latest census, there are almost 50 million households with a canine companion sharing their home.

The dog is just as excited and thrilled to see us again, whether we are away  for an hour or a day. “Fido’s” love and
dedication to us never wavers. The dog’s love for its master is truly unconditional. Bank accounts, hood ornaments, designer labels, job titles, bad hair, a few  extra pounds, gym bodies; they mean nothing to him. In general, dogs are far less maintenance than most people. Acquaintances come and go, boyfriends break our hearts, but our dogs never disappoint us. Dog spells God backwards. No matter what kind of day we’ve had, our cares seem to melt away the moment our beloved friend greets us at the door with honest, enthusiastic joy. A dog’s priceless gifts of love, loyalty and devotion are rare constants in an ever changing and unpredictable world.

Dogs are infinitely more than a tail wagging, tongue hanging, furry creature that welcomes us home like a candle in the window. They are family in every sense of the word. Dogs “know” more about us than we do them. I believe that may be due to their ability at and their willingness to practice the rapidly disappearing art of “listening” to us, even if we haven’t uttered a word. They have an uncanny telepathy, knowing when we are sad or happy. They pay attention. Loneliness is far less likely having a dog. Unlike many humans, they give us our space when we need it and quietly snuggle up to us, showing their love, without having to ask for it during those times we need to be comforted and someone to “talk” to. Medical studies have shown our blood pressure falls just by touching a dog, and people who share their lives with them tend to live longer. Other studies have shown sharing your life with a dog can reduce stress and ward off depression.

When we’re out walking, having a dog with us can make us more approachable, giving people a reason to stop and chat, thereby increasing the number of people we meet, hence an opportunity to increase our network of friends, which also is a great stress reliever.

People who claim they don’t like dogs are different. I usually don’t mesh with them; the chemistry just isn’t there. Evidence shows individuals who say they don’t like dogs are more self-centered and emotionally incapable of real depth of feelings or displaying affection, lacking a nurturing and loving instinct. Many of these people are also very picky about many other things. Commonly, it’s suggested those people who don’t like dogs can’t be trusted. My experience has shown there is truth to that thought.

Dogs, if we’re willing to learn, help teach us how to give without expecting something in return – to be open, and to love another being for everything they are and are not. Having and loving a dog teaches us to care about something other than ourselves. Call me biased, it’s just what I’ve learned during the almost 50 years I’ve willingly, gratefully and lovingly shared my life with some of the best friends I’ll ever have. (I have the privilege to share my life with four of them now.) They don’t “hold me back” and are not too much “work!” True friends are worth it!

Dogs can show us the kind of relationship we should seek to have with another human being. To love and be loved is the greatest joy on Earth. If you’ve ever been lucky enough to share your love and life with a dog, you’ll be blessed to know that joy.
Now, “Give me your paw and roll over!” Good boy!

Michael French, is Agenda’s Home from Home columnist. Contact Michael at mf7954fla@gmail.com

In response to the Editor’s Column “Cheater Cheater”, Agenda, June 16th.

DEAR EDITOR,

Wanted to congratulate & thank you for the article “Cheater, Cheater”. Summing all up, you nailed the subject.

Thanks again & keep writing good articles. Blessings.

Sincerely,
Jorge A. Rodriguez
Ft. Lauderdale

In response to the Home editorial by Michael French, “Less Is More”, Agenda, June 16th.

DEAR MR. FRENCH:
I really enjoyed reading your article “Less Is More”. There’s so much I would like to say/comment, but I can sum it all up by quoting one of your sentences: “It is more accurate for our worth as a human being to be measured NOT by what we possess but how we behave.”  The timing when reading your article was somewhat spooky, but perfect and appropriate for me, because I really needed to read it. It touched my mind and soul.
Thanks so much again for such an insightful and wonderful piece; we need more human beings like you. Keep writing great articles, I am automatically a fan. Blessings, good health to you & all your loved ones.
Sincerely,
Jorge A. Rodriguez
Ft. Lauderdale

In response to the Cover News story “Stonewall Street Festival and Parade, Agenda, June 16th, by James Michaels.

TO THE EDITOR,

Thanks James for the historical reflection of how the Stonewall Street Festival and Parade began.  I was pleased to be at a number of the Alibi luncheon group gatherings with Karl Clark and Terry Norman and when Karl suddenly passed a few years later we lost one of the anchors of the organization, an activist who had a history of honesty, credibility, and accountability.

Yes, as you noted, there were problems the first year but we all worked together to overcome many obstacles. One dealt with parking at the high school. Log Cabin Club went to school board member Judy Budnick (R), who was a friend, asked for help, and she  managed to alleviate the resistance. We secured access and parking in the lot was  successfully arranged. The Sunshine Athletic Association took on the responsibility of the Stonewall Picnic at John Lloyd State Park and there was lots of excitement and camaraderie with challenging games and fun awards. We experienced a wide range of team spirit and outreach early on and as bumpy as the road may have appeared  miracles did happen and a legacy lives on come rain or shine.

SINCERELY,
ANDY EDDY

Please send all your comments and letters to Editor@FloridaAgenda.com

By MICHAEL FRENCH

Planning a 4th of July party? The most important part is to invite people you like the best, relax and don’t obsess about perfectionism.

A great Independence Day celebration is all about solid 4th of July party ideas. The success or failure of your party will be all about the planning you do.

PLANNING. While you can throw a fun last-minute celebration, without the right planning, you risk your party being a disappointment. Your guests might be already booked and the food pickings at the nearest store could look like they were picked over by turkey buzzards.

What are the most important 4th of July party ideas to think out first? Your guests and your invitations, of course! To be sure you get all the guests you want, plan your guest list and send out invites well in advance. Online invitations and evites, are cheap (or free!). Real invitations can be a lot of fun to send and receive. By far, one the most customary and beloved “themes” for Independence Day is a 4th of July barbecue. This is an easy way to cook for a group, and if you use paper plates, cups etc., clean up is a breeze!

Some other good 4th of July party theme ideas are:

• Luau Party

• Disco Party

• 50 States Party

(Everybody dresses/acts in character as someone from each state)

Before sending out invitations is a good time to decide if you’ll be asking your guests for food contributions. It makes your life a lot easier the day of the party. If you do be sure to say so as part of the invitation.

If you like this 4th of July party planning idea, be sure to ask guests (or a few chosen guests) to tell you what they’re making when they RSVP. Or even make menu requests. That helps keep things simple! We like simple! Making requests won’t come off pushy … it’s just smart.

This is one holiday that has several prominent themes that can help get you started creating the ideal party backdrop. Think back to your lessons about American history. Of course, there’s all that red, white and blue!

It’s really all you need. The truth is creating 4th of July house decorations should be easy because this casual celebration is not a big “decorating” holiday. People will be focused on food, fun, and friends … so a few little touches will be all it takes to set the mood.

Let’s start with some nice and simple 4th of July decorating ideas: balloons! Balloons are an all-time favorite decoration because they’re inexpensive and require no real craft ability to use them beautifully. The best July 4th balloon decorations: Of course, go with red, white and blue. Tie up bundles of three around the area of your party or on the corners of food tables. Want a little more oomph? Make bigger bundles of red, white, and blue balloons and place them on either side of the door, or create a red, white and blue balloon arch.

A fun tip: To make the balloon shimmer like fireworks, blow it up and spray it lightly with craft glue. Sprinkle on some glitter and you’re done! Fast, easy and the visual impact is a lot of fun.

A 4th of July party is always fun. Remember to appreciate and be grateful for the real reason we are celebrating this day: The birth of our wonderful country that began with “The shot heard around the world!”

Michael French is Agenda’s Home from Home columist. Contact Michael at mf7954fla@gmail.com

By Michael French

June: the International Pride month for the GLBT community. Pride parties, galas, theme park events and parades abound. And Florida’s no exception. People are inclined to believe Ft. Lauderdale and South Florida is THE place to call home for GLBT residents. While South Florida is home to the largest GLBT community in Florida, central Florida (Tampa/St Petersburg and Orlando) has the highest concentration of GLBT residents in the state! Actually, the largest Gay Pride parade in Florida is in St. Petersburg. Surprised? Florida is second only to California, with almost 2 million GLBT residents! That being said, it nevertheless seems the voice, the Pride of Florida’s huge GLBT community, outside of its plethora of glitzy clubs, bars and gay resorts, seems muffled at best. Illinois just passed a civil union bill! I wonder what has the GLBT community in Illinois did that its brothers and sisters in Florida are unable to do – or won’t do – to find the unity, support and momentum to achieve the same equality for GLBT Floridians?

The State of Florida’s population is a mosaic of people from every state and, practically, every nation. She seems to be “unity challenged”. Florida is a paradox: Home to powerful ultra-right wing conservatives, religious zealots and “bleeding heart liberals”, whatever that really means. Florida also has some of the wealthiest and poorest citizens in the nation. She is home to well-respected universities, but her funding of education per capita ranks in the very bottom. Further supporting the paradoxical social climate here is the fact Florida, though home to the second largest GLBT community in the entire nation, has an abysmally poor record of equal rights for us. Why does true equal rights status for the GLBT community in Florida continue to be so elusive? Blind partisanship is totally counterproductive, myopic and, at the very least, immature. In general, politicians’ platforms are duplicitous with more holes than a colander. Too many of them use the Bible and the flag as “beards,” manipulating the public with fear, shouting from every stage and pulpit, “No Big Government!”

Yet, they never cease their demagogic rhetoric preventing tax paying, voting GLBT citizens from marrying the person they choose with laws denying us the same rights heterosexual people take for granted, or believe they are entitled to because they are “normal.” There is no federal law protecting GLBT citizens from discrimination in the workplace. In many locales throughout the United States, it would be perfectly legal to not hire or even fire someone just for being Gay! Yes, that action might cause a firestorm, but none the less it is legal! The United States, OUR country, self-proclaimed leader of the “Free World” and beacon of democracy receives a poor grade in its treatment of GLBT citizens. Isn’t it totally bizarre that in Iowa, Gay Americans can be legally married, but Gay Americans in Florida are denied the same by their government?

Where is the outrage, Floridians? Where is our pride?

This June, take real action and show pride not by being in parades, parties, etc., but by getting involved. Join organizations that strive to win equal rights for all Americans.

Write your representative at the local, state and federal level. Search the net for names, addresses, etc. Demand officials to fight for your rights. Say where your vote will be cast. Politicians know each letter represents 600 like-minded constituents. In our democratic society, we have the responsibility to be ever vigilant. In life, more often than not, we get what we think we deserve. If we don’t take the initiative to demand full equal rights, we will never have them.

Show Americans outside the GLBT community how more similar you are to them instead of broadcasting your differences. Pass up the parades, parties etc., and do some volunteer work at an animal shelter or assisted living home. Adopt a highway! Clean a beach! Paint the home of an aged, disabled or financially troubled neighbor. There’s never a shortage of volunteer opportunities. Give of yourself to the present – and future – generations! Pride is more evident in what we do than what we say.

Michael French is Agenda’s Home from Home columist. Contact Michael at mf7954fla@gmail.com

By Michael French

June 19th is Father’s Day.

American fathers often get a bad rap. They are stereotyped by critics left and right, male and female. All too frequently, the American father is portrayed as a second class parent. Ever notice the difference between Mother’s Day and Father’s Day cards? Mother’s Day cards typically depict warm and fuzzy scenes further emphasizing the importance of the bond between mother and child. In stark contrast, Father’s Day cards, for the most part, are rife with illustrations of duck decoys, antique cars, fishing poles and boats. Please tell me what any of those have to do with being a father. If anyone could find a Father’s Day card showing a father holding his child, please give me the name of the merchant! Disturbingly, most of those insipid greeting cards are designed and penned by … women! Worse yet are the common images of fathers as the distant or brooding parent, deadbeats, philanderers and abusers. Conversely, research overwhelmingly proves the vast majority of American fathers are none of these.

My father was a great guy. He taught me a man is only worth his word, that very often doing the right thing may not be what’s right for you, and we should live life so there will be standing room only at our funeral.

“It’s not what you do or who you are that counts. How you’re remembered is what matters most,” he’d announce to me. Dad was absolutely correct.

Being self-sufficient made you a “real man” according to Dad. “A real man doesn’t need a wife to take over where his mother left off !” He’s marrying his best friend, not his mother. Dad grilled a mean steak, cleaned the house, did the dishes, read bed time stories and stood guard against the “boogie man”. On the other hand, he fixed the station wagon, remodeled the house and mowed the lawn. He was a fanatic with his old 35 millimeter camera. If I had a dollar for each time Dad called out “Say cheese!” … Thousands of Kodachrome slides from those days make me grateful for that fanaticism. Dad wasn’t a zombie, in a catatonic trance every Sunday watching football. No, instead he took us on real Sunday drives to our favorite haunts. He consistently encouraged me to expand my horizons, be brave enough to take the road less traveled and, along the way, never fail to treat others as I hoped to be treated.

That being said, as it’s a common tradition to rescue Mom from her often mundane domestic routine and show appreciation for all she does and has done, the same should be done for Dad! Take him out to dinner. Pay attention to what he does, something – anything – he might feel he must do around the house or wherever, and have it done. Better yet, if you can, DO IT YOURSELF! My guess is your heart will be equally warmed from the glow of gratitude on Dad’s face as his from your thoughtful gesture. To your father, he will believe you really do see and hear him. A truly generous person realizes there is often more to be received by the act of giving, especially from one’s self. A “Thank You Letter” from you for everything your father has given, taught and done through the years will make his heart smile, knowing he’ s been appreciated!

Mention specific events like a camping trip. He’ll know you haven’t forgotten. If you’re at a loss for what to do for your father, you need to get to know him better … now! On that note, I cannot write this without honoring Uncle Jerry. If it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t be writing this column. He was the first person I “came out” too. He saved my life! Love you “Perkins!”

I hope the real tribute to Dad, whoever he might be to you, will be the actions of our lives – where who we are and how we behave are shining testaments to the love and lessons our fathers instilled in each of us.

Michael French, is Agenda’s Home from Home columnist. Contact Michael at mf7954fla@gmail.com

By Michael French

Summer is here! Ah, the hours of sunshine seems endless, the frenetic pace of the season gives way to a more relaxed atmosphere, traffic is lighter, restaurant reservations are much easier to come by, and Florida “belongs” to us again!

But, there’s a catch. Florida’s long summer arrives with two friends carrying heavy baggage, and we Floridians know them all too well. They’re called Heat and Humidity. These two get all the blame for bad hair days, short tempers, wrinkled clothes, mold and lightheadedness. Hmm … the latter couldn’t be from just one too many pitchers of your favorite brew, now could it? It’s just easier to blame the heat. Denial is not a river in Egypt!

So we summon the “white knight” of air conditioning to rescue us! He’s mercenary though, because he comes to our aid at an often high price if we aren’t prudent.

With the rise in oil prices, so follows cooling costs. For many Floridians, especially in these challenging economic times, staying comfortably cool takes an ever bigger slice of the budget pie. Keeping cool, without handing over too much of your hard earned cash to the electric utility during Florida’s long, sizzling summer requires a thoughtful strategy. No one has to be a slave to their cooling bill!

Put that salivating wolf of an electric company on a diet! No matter whether one lives in a multi- or single family home, there’s no shortage of ways to save lots of money on summer’s electric bills. No, it’s not very exciting to actually commit to saving electricity, but for every cent saved that’s more you can spend on actually getting away from the heat … like an Alaskan cruise.

First, establish your true comfort level. Use a combination of fans and A/C; still, stagnant air can make the temperature feel much warmer than it really is. Oscillating fans are great for really moving the air. Plan your cooling strategy once you’ve established the highest temperature you can tolerate, without compromising the enjoyment of your abode.

Everyone should get a programmable thermostat. Program the thermostat to not turn the A/C on until the temperature reaches 81 degrees when you aren’t home. While home, set the temperature at 78 degrees. Fans can make the room feel at least 4 degrees cooler at just one mile per hour. Circulating air keeps your space drier too, making it more difficult for mold or mildew to develop. You can’t have too many fans.

Plant deciduous trees on the south and west side of your home so they shade the house during the hottest part of the day. Just three trees can cut hundreds of dollars per year from an annual cooling expense. Shade the compressor of the central A/C unit.

Make sure all doors and windows are caulked and closed tightly. Lower the hot water heater to 115 degrees, use compact fluorescent light bulbs (they are 4 times cooler), select air dry on the dishwasher and use the microwave instead of the oven or stove. Use white, sun reflective window coverings to deflect the heat, add insulation to the attic and install a fan up there. Attics trap huge amounts of heat, thus making your A/C system work harder and adding to your electric bill.

There are great deals out there on new central A/C systems. Offers of huge rebates, tax credits and zero percent financing are very common. A ten year old system can use fifty percent more energy than a new one! Most local electricity providers will actually come to your home at no cost and analyze your home for its energy efficiency. Take advantage of it! Keep the heat in your home down by having more BBQ’s! Does your grill have cobwebs?

Using a recipe of common sense, prudence, creativity, and elbow grease, you can save more than you imagine on your electric bill and still be comfortable! Keeping the house warmer when you’re not there, you can turn the thermostat down at night to a comfy cool temperature, just right for, well, use your imagination!

Michael French, is Agenda’s Home from Home columnist. Contact Michael at mf7954fla@gmail.com

DEAR EDITOR,

I wanted to personally thank Michael French for his fine article regarding Military Service which appeared in the May 19th issue of the Agenda.

Time often erases the memory and historical meaning of what it means and meant to have served honorably in the U.S. Military regardless of the DADT cloud over our heads which is seemingly facing a very slow but deserving ending.

As one of the founding members of the early vet’s = movement here in SE Florida it’s always heart warming to see our service members and vets remembered on Memorial Day regardless of their sexual orientation.

Thank you and the Agenda for the hats off article reminding our community and its many supportive business leaders, activist organizations, and family members about the importance of May 30th and those who live and died defending our country while serving in the U.S. Armed Forces.

God Bless you and America.
A-JAY?EDDIE

By Michael French

Ever heard the phrase “Less is More?”

Our obsessive pursuit of wealth isn’t working – people are afraid and anxious; we’re destroying the planet, undermining happiness, and clinging to an unsustainable economy. There’s another way. Less can be More. Throughout history wise people have argued we need to live more simply – that only by limiting outer wealth can we have inner wealth. They bring us a new vision of Less:  Less stuff, less work, less stress, less debt. A life with ‘Less’ becomes a life of ‘More’:  More time, more satisfaction, more balance and more security. We need to build a culture of connection by challenging the consumer society and recreating vibrant life in our local communities, the creation of a different experience of time where we live life in slower, more effective ways, savoring our lives and recapturing exuberance   and laughter.

When we have too much, we savor nothing. We become less appreciative and less grateful, engorged with a bloated sense of entitlement. Appreciative, grateful people are healthier and happier. When we choose less, we think and feel deeply. Ultimately, a life of less
connects us with one true source of happiness: being part of a caring community. We learn how to turn  individual change into a movement that leads to policy changes in government and corporate behavior, the wealth gap and sustainability.

It is more accurate for our worth as a human being to be measured NOT by what we possess but how we behave. Baby Boomers nearing retirement, harried professionals with a social conscience, the one-time “middle class” and 20-30-somethings who are now facing the sobering realities of constricted choices are weighing what corporate America / Madison Avenue are relentlessly brainwashing and manipulating us to believe we need versus what is truly imperative to have a rewarding life.

Wabi-sabi, an ancient Japanese belief, is about appreciating the simple and letting go of the superficial – the perfect antidote for a society in recovery from a decade long consumerist orgy. How liberating it is to move past our belief in life, liberty and the pursuit of stuff to finding beauty in austerity, serenity and authenticity.

Far more than home décor, wabi-sabi is a state of mind: living modestly in the moment, stripping away the unnecessary, finding satisfaction in everyday things. Wabi -sabi includes clearing clutter, integrating recycled material and taking time for self-reflection.

Wabi-sabi is everything that today’s sleek, plastic, technology-saturated culture isn’t. Mass-produced perfection is seductive but boring. This belief is for anyone who is overwhelmed by consumerism. This is a tricky one; being content with less, since we are programmed with “no matter how much you have, you always need more.” Too many of us are enslaved by believing that contentment with what we have or who we are equals laziness.

Do we truly want it all or are we manipulated to believe it? Don’t most of us actually have much more than we realize or really need? When we need something, be it knowledge or material, it will come to us in some way or another, usually in unexpected ways. By slowing down and connecting with ourselves, we find our true needs.

I have known people with serious illness or pain and all they want is health – to the point where they are ready to give everything away.  That was very evident when I was my mother’s caregiver during her terminal illness.

When we set needs against wants, we find that we need very little and this is when we start receiving what we need. Often when we receive, we are blind to the gift because we are looking for something else, and that which is given us is discarded. Look at things from a different angle; everything is a blessing – sometimes very well disguised. Things happen to us all the time, we just need to notice it and understand its significance … this happens when we slow down and allow ourselves to start watching and listening instead of constantly doing and talking. The idea of having any kind of control is an illusion. So sit back, my friends, and allow it to happen.

Michael French, is Agenda’s Home from Home columnist. Contact Michael at mf7954fla@gmail.com