Florida Agenda

YOU THOUGHT THAT DRINKING ALL weekend would make us go away but we’re still here. Happy Monday!” Sincerely, Your Problems.

HOW COME IT’S OK FOR YOU TO FLIRT with whoever you want, but as soon as I even look at another hot guy I get bitched at?

I’VE TRIED SEVERAL TIME TO RUN into you to get you to notice me. You’ve already said I was sexy, so what exactly is the dea

l?

I HAVE BEEN KILLING myself trying to get a perfect body. I’m seriously thinking about just taking steroids. I will definitely get laid more.

I INTRODUCED MY EX to one of my friends and they end up getting drunk and hooking up. What kind of BS is that? Guys are just horny bastards that will screw anything.

I THINK ITS BULLSHIT THAT YOU blow me to off and then end up doing lines of coke in the strip club bathroom off some old dude’s ass. We’ll see if I come and pick you up next time you are a wasted mess.

GOING OUT EVERY WEEKEND IS getting so old. I really should just start drinking at home and jerking off to porn. I would feel better and still get my nut at the end of night.

MILEY CYRUS IS THE SHIT. I DON’T care what people say about her. She’s 17, if she wants to be a slut, so what? I was hooking up when I was 15.

I WAS REALLY BORED THIS WEEK. I must have watched like fifteen different pornos and jerked off. I think it was a new low and a new record.

IT’S THE MIDDLE OF THE SUMMER and I still haven’t been to the beach. But it’s easier to just lay out by my pool instead of driving out to the beach and endlessly looking for a parking spot.

SOME JERK OFF PASSED ME THE OTHER day while I was driving and then slowed down to turn. I wanted to ram the back of the car.

I HAD MY APARTMENT TO myself for an entire week and didn’t have any company. What a wasted of being able to make as much noise as I wanted to in my bed.

A BIRD MADE HER NEST ON MY porch, and I was initially fine with it. I went out there recently and there was shit everywhere. I looked at the mama bird and I think she could tell I was pissed.

I DESPERATELY NEED A VACATION. Not only do I need some R&R, I need a new crowd of guys to choose from for a few days. I think I’ve done the rounds here one too many times.

LEVI JOHNSTON AND HIS BITCH fiancé make me sick. How can they get so much press off of being hypocrites? I seriously doubt they are not boning.

I WAS SO HUNGOVER RECENTLY I made myself throw up for like two hours straight. It was one of the worst feelings to have all of the alcohol come up.

Do you have a “Bitch” you want to submit?  Post it on the Mega Bitches facebook page and it just may end up in future edition of the Florida Agenda.

Do you think I care if you ignore me?  You weren’t even that good in bed. You actually kinda sucked.

I ran into this straight guy I used to hook up with in high school the other day.  He looked like he had just seen a ghost.  What a douche.

When I moved to South Florida I hoped I would find some decent men, but boy was I wrong.  There is nothing but nastiness here.

I’ve been watching that show “Cheerleader Nation” and I want to slap all of those moms trying to live through their daughters.  Most of them are fat and not cute.

I saw the biggest mess at the bar last night.  I looked like he had just spent the last week doing every drug in the book.  Is this really what this world has turned into

?

The new designer clothes you’ve been wearing does not cover up the fact that you are a total slut and a piece of shit.  Window dressing much?

That guy Jon Gosselin almost makes me hate that I have a dick.  He is probably the sorriest excuse for a dude I have ever seen.  Someone should cut off his dick and feed it to him.

I think I would rather eat out my own dirty ass than to ever screw you again.  You were the lamest lay I have ever had.

LMAO I was chillen with this dude the other day and he said he was feeling experimental.  I’m not complaining, but it sucks all these hot guys only want to hook up when they are drunk!

Some bitch had the nerve to tell me I needed to smile more and not look like I wanted to kill someone.  I was like, I’m in a long line and the girl at the cash register is moving TOO slow.

I hate sometimes I’m considered part of the same group as these nelly bottoms and drag queens. I act like a guy and don’t consider that as part of my world.

So Lindsay Lohan is getting a lot of press right now for something that has nothing to do with her movie career.  She needs to get her shit together.

It’s one thing to want to look your best, but wearing clothes that are about ten years too young for you makes you look like an idiot.  Dressing age appropriately is much sexier.

When I was younger I used to hook up online a lot.  Now that I’m older I just don’t get it anymore.  I can’t see myself having sex with someone I have never met before like I did before.

How the hell I’m sick in the middle of the summer?  I hope I didn’t catch anything from anyone. Maybe I should get some penicillin.

Do you have a “Bitch” you want to submit?  Post it on the Mega Bitches facebook page and it just may end up in future edition of the Florida Agenda.

I hate doing bitch work! When do I get my own bitch to do my bitch work??

Why is it that the fattest and ugliest person in the group has the biggest attitude. Bitch if I wanted to see a whale with a large blowhole I’d go see Shamu not u….

If you want sympathy, its in the dictionary between shit and syphilis.

Here’s to getting stuck behind the never-ending train when you’re already late.

I don’t get Grindr profiles with headless bodies that say “just looking for friends.” Then why the hell you on Grindr, bitch?

I finally decided to get one of those online accounts to try to meet a decent guy, and once again everyone is only looking for the same thing: to hook up. Is there any outlet out there to meet a normal guy?

I had a dream about my ex last night, but it was more like a nightmare.  How can he still be bothering me three years later?

Ugh, I haven’t wanted to work out in weeks, but I don’t want to get out of shape.

What a shitty 4th of July weekend.  It was raining all freakin weekend and I got zero sun.  I guess it’s back to the tanning bed to catch up.

This guy keeps asking me to send him nude pics of me, but he will never send any of himself back.  When he finally does send pics back, they are of other guys.

Some days I wake up and really despise being gay.  It’s like vicious cycle of meeting guys, hooking up, and then starting over again.  I really don’t see anything changing anytime soon.

I was out the other night and couldn’t find my check card and couldn’t drink most of the night.  Come to find out it was underneath my seat in the car the whole time.

Eclipse was really good and I want to know what happens next, but I HATE reading and don’t want to read through 700+ pages in the final book.

I was hooking up with this guy and he lasted literally one minute.  I was like WTF? Then of course I had to finish myself off.

Every time I leave work there is always a swarm of people drinking outside for happy hour.  I have to fight so hard to not join them.

I love Lindsay Lohan to death, but I hope she does not get out of jail early.  I think it would be shitty if she didn’t learn her lesson from this and get her life back on track.

Do you have a “Bitch” you want to submit?  Post it on the Mega Bitches facebook page and it just may end up in future edition of the Florida Agenda.

I am at this club to have a cocktail and it smells like chicken fingers in here.  I almost feel like I want to throw up.

I was having a good weekend and then the muffler fell of the back of my car and I was stranded with nothing to do for days.  I had no idea what an inconvenience it would be.

I was invited to this event but decided not to go because I was tired.  The guy gave me a guilt trip, so I went and there were only five people there.

Ugh, every time I tell myself I’m going to take a few days off from drinking it never works.  I end up getting just as drunk AND going to McDonalds or Checkers.

I was all excited about going to a party this weekend, but when I looked in my closet I had absolutely nothing to wear.

This guy I was crushing on came into the bar and just completely walked by me after saying hello to the people with me.

I was talking to this guy for a while and it seemed like we were hitting it off and then all of a sudden he stopped talking to me.

It’s amazing that after all of the guys I have hooked up with, barely any of them talk to me.  I guess I got myself into my own mess.

Why do I keep getting drunk and sending random, embarrassing text and facebook messages?

I was so hung-over on Sunday I could barely move.  I stayed in my bed all day and watched TV.  I literally only got out of bed to use the bathroom.

Only David Beckham can pull off a European swimsuit.  You just look like a girl.

I have been trying to call my friend for a few days now and we keep missing each other.

I have had an injury for a few months now and I don’t know what to do about it.  The doctors say just to rest it, but I can’t.

Some radio personalities really get on my nerves.  Some of them pretend to be know it alls and all I want to do is punch them in the face.

I have been sleeping like shit lately.  I can’t seem to find the perfect amount of hours to sleep.  It either feels like too much or not enough.

I was in the grocery store the other day and this stupid lady was walking so slowly in front of me dragging her feet.  I wanted to ram my cart into her.

I am so bored sitting at home just waiting to take my board exam.  I don’t understand why this process takes so long.

Do you have a “Bitch” you want to submit?  Post it on the Mega Bitches facebook page and it just may end up in future edition of the Florida Agenda.

I hate how she acts like she loves you and will do anything for you but….when you don’t agree with the things she wants…the tables turn.

I finally met a guy who was everything I was looking for in someone and it turns out th at

he does drugs.  I think it’s just in my cards to be unhappy.

I have furniture strewn all over my house and it looks a hot mess.   When is someone going to come get that damn table out so I can put up my new one?

I was telling this person about a friend and how her husband hand cancer or a tumor on his brain and she said “bad things happen to bad people”. What a bitch!

I just had a patient run to the bathroom and fart the entire way down the hall. Wonderful!

I can’t believe I had to wait 3 hours to finally talk to someone.  I understand having a busy schedule, but if you do it just because you think you can, that’s just wrong.

Someone said to me “most of the things you tell me I already know.” What a dick.

Don’t you hate when you are at the bar and someone buys you a drink or a shot, and right before you go to drink it your date/bf/partner/husband asks you….”who sent you that?”

‘Just Sayin’, ‘Really’, ‘My Bad’, – abused words of the Decade.

Guys that say “bro” or “dude” or “man” ten times in every sentence make me want to scream.  Just because you talk like that does not make you any more masculine.  It makes you sound like an idiot.

My friends complain I’m a bitch because I like to get what I want.  I don’t think that makes me a bitch, I just think that makes them bitchy.

Pride was fun last weekend, but it was SOOOO hot and I couldn’t even take off my shirt because I was working.

You don’t have to be cracked out EVERY time you go out.

I wish my roof would stop leaking.  I can’t put anymore napkins up there to stop the water from leaking onto my computer.  UGH!

How dare you march up in there like you are actually somebody and try to steal my thunder.  That will NEVER happen again.

Stop beating around the bush about what you want.  If you want something bad enough you just need to tell someone.  WTF?

I know you have your phone on you all of the time.  Why does it take you so long to respond to text messages I send you?  When I’m around you, you are constantly texting.

Don’t you hate it when you go out with your girlfriends…lol…guy friends… and there is always that one that thinks everybody is looking at him? Not cute.

Do you have a “Bitch” you want to submit?  Post it on the Mega Bitches facebook page and it just may end up in future edition of the Florida Agenda.

I walked into another spider web this morning and my dog got the Hershey squirts.

I was cuddling with a new guy this morning and had to go to work.

Great, all I have to look forward to a bunch of queens up and down Wilton Drive all weekend.

I thought you said you were a nice guy.  You turned out to be a real dick.  Really?  I should have known better just by looking at you.

I met the hottest guy at the gym the other day and he seemed like he was into me.  Of course he’s straight.  I guess he was just a nice guy.

Sometimes I just want to punch my co workers in the face.  Do they ever get the concept that I’m buys and they need to STFU.

I hate that I’m going bald.  It is so much more maintenance to shave my head every other day than it is to just get my hair cut.

Why is it that every time my bf cums he doesn’t give a shit about finishing me off?  I end up having to jerk off while he just lays there.  I need a FB.

All of these reality shows are getting on my nerves.  I am so tired of hearing what other sub-par celebrities do with their lives.

I had a massive hangover all weekend.  Why do I keep drinking my weekends away?  It feels like when Monday comes along I’ve had no weekend at all.

Nothing bugs me more than people who don’t drive AT LEAST the speed limit.  That is why so many people get into accidents.

I was on a date last night with a hot guy, but he kept interrupting me when I was trying to speak.  Did he think what he was saying was more important than me?

How can you screw me one night because you’re drunk and then totally diss me the next because you’re “straight” and you have something special with your girlfriend?

I’ve tried several time to run into you to get you to notice me.  You’ve already said I was sexy, so what exactly is the deal?

I know people say it all the time, but why are all of the good gay guys always taken? Why can’t I find that ONE person who is like me on every level?

If a cop pulls me over one more time for speeding I’m going to lose it.  There are so many other criminals out there who should be what the cops spend their time on.

The air in my apartment is not working correctly and I’ve been sleeping like shit the last few days.  I need to sleep for an entire day just to catch up.

Do you have a “Bitch” you want to submit?  Post it on the Mega Bitches facebook page and it just may end up in future edition of the Florida Agenda.

Why do you feel it necessary to tell me the same damn story for the 10^th time…I didn’t even want to hear it the first time.

Here’s to looking at people when they have nothing interesting to say and pretending to listen.

Um, no… don’t touch me…you’re creepy.

Why would you invite me to have a drink and then ignore me all night.

I’m working out like crazy and I can’t see to lose weight.  It’s too hard to stop drinking.

If I get pulled over one more time I’m going to scream.

I’m sick and tired of working with other people.  I just want to be self-employed

Another long week ahead and nothing planned for the weekend…UGH

Are you seriously wearing that to a club

?

I can’t believe I actually believed that you were going to call me.

Why do I keep getting drunk and sending random, embarrassing text and facebook messages?

With all of the guys I hook up with, why can’t I find a boyfriend?

I can’t stand when guys just check you out and don’t take the time to actually come say anything to you.

The road work on Wilton Drive is driving me insane.  The lights never stay green long enough.

Every time I meet a guy who seems semi-interesting there is always something wrong.

Orlando Gay days was a bust for me…very little sex.

The Alejandro video was not as good as I thought it was going to be.

I’m sick and tired of cocky bartenders.  You need to at least try to “fake it” by being nice if you want to get a decent tip.

Glee’s season finale was not what I expected.  It was good, but I expected something bigger to happen.

Why do I even bother hitting on you?  You’re obviously full of yourself

If people only knew how many gays there are in the military.  Americans have no clue.

All of this commotion about changing Wilton Manors main street had better result in better parking.

Why is it that every time I leave SOBE to come to Fort Lauderdale I always leave disappointed?

I can’t believe all of the network shows are over for the summer. What am I supposed to do every night

?

People always ask me why I’m single.  The problem is definitely not me, it’s the fact that I can’t find anyone else who can match me.

How come it’s ok for you to flirt with whoever you want, but as soon as I even look at another hot guy I get bitched at?

Guys with sexy bodies come a dime a dozen.  Just because you are “hot” does not mean you are somebody.

I like how whenever I’m ready to get crazy in bed you always come up with some kind of excuse, but when you want to I’m expected to do whatever you want.

I cut myself manscaping again.  This is definitely going to screw up my life.

Nothing bugs me more than people who don’t drive AT LEAST the speed limit.  That is why so many people get into accidents.

Gay Days better be fun this year.  If I’m spending all of this money on these events it had better be worth it.

How can you screw me one night because you’re drunk and then totally diss me the next because you’re “straight” and you have something special with your girlfriend?

I’ve tried several time to run into you to get you to notice me.  You’ve already said I was sexy, so what exactly is the deal?

I know people say it all the time, but why are all of the good gay guys always take

n? Why can’t I find that ONE person who is like me on every level?

I’m sick and tired of all of these people dissing Christina Aguilera because she is trying to be like GaGa. Every artist is always going to be compared to another, but they each bring something new to the table.

Is your wig meant to look janity, because if it is, than you are succeeding.

DON’T WORRY ABOUT THE OIL SPILL hitting Fort Lauderdale beaches, most of the boys here are so oily that no one will even notice.

THANK YOU SO MUCH YOU SHITTY restaurant that charged my credit card twice and caused me to get an overdraft fee. Giving me a free drink coupon isn’t going to change the fact that

YOU SUCK! CAN ANYONE KEEP their word or promise anymore? Seriously, is it that hard to say something and stick with it.

I AM SO SICK OF having to jerk off before I go to bed. I am still trying to figure out what the point of a relationship is when neither one of us is getting any.

YOUR TRICK IS ACTUALLY KIND OF friendly now that I actually gave him a chance and talked to him.

I’M GLAD I DENTED YOUR CAR. YOU needed to be taken down a couple notches.

HEY PRESIDENT OBAMA, CAN YOU please do something. Anything at this point would be good. I feel like you’ve done nothing. Am I wrong people? Has he done anythin

g? Damn turd bucket.

IF YOUR AGENDA IS TO GET DRUNK AND smoke weed all day, than stay away from my kid.

I STILL DON’T UNDERSTAND HOW you could bone that skanky hoe-bag after all that shit you talked about him. You are either the biggest hypocrite ever or you are so desperate for attention for your dick, that you would stoop that low.

I HOPE KEY WEST DOES GET engulfed in oil. That shitty place can just go by the wayside like Pompei.

JUST CAUSE YOU porked the bartender doesn’t mean you can still flirt with him every time we go to the bar. He’s not into you, and you will never EVER get free drinks from him.

SO YOU ARE STILL sleeping with your ex. What a shocker!

CNN BLOWS MAD chunks. Except for that Jeannie Moos chic. She’s the hilarious bomb diggity. I wonder if she a ‘mo? I want to see her full moon!!!

I CAN’T WAIT FOR LOST TO BE OVER, so I can get back to my normal routine of bathhouse, manroulette and glory holes on Tuesdays.

WHY ARE ALL YOUR TRICKS AS BIG as semi-trucks?

OH HONEY, I PROMISE YOU ARE NOT getting fat, your bones are just expanding with every cheeseburger and jelly donut you shove down your throat.

I WANT TO BE AN ACTOR SO BAD.

Bleach your teeth and your butt white and then maybe I’ll talk to you!

WHY ARE THEY SENDING BOYS TO DO a man’s job trying to fill that hole in the ocean leaking all that oil? They should give credit where credit is due and send in some Gay men to plug up that big hole.

I HATE THE FACT THAT MY ASSIGNED parking spot is under a tree that drops nasty tree shit on my car every day. Carwashes are now officially pointless.

IF OBAMA REALLY wanted to get all the gays out of the military, he would send Lady Gaga to Afghanistan to perform for the troops.

All the boys in the front row would clearly have outed themselves.

I HOPE THEY DO PUT SHADE TREES on Wilton Drive, cause I’m tired of seeing all those fatties hanging out in the parking lot with their shirts off. Some nice trees would block my view beautifully. ANOTHER SEX CLUB OPENING IN Miami? There’s not enough dick to go in all those glory holes.

THANKS FOR COMING HOME WITH gonorrhea. Was it payback for that time I told you not to come home with that cat?

YOUR BOOTS LOOKED VERY NICE AS you were kicking me in the nuts while I laid on the ground.

IF YOUR ADAM PROFILE SAYS ANYthing goes and your into pig play, I have a tough time believing your status is actually negative.

I HAD THE BEST WEEKEND EVER, because your screeching ass voice was out of town! Finally….silence.

I’M GLAD YOU WALKED OUT OF Rosie’s quickly and didn’t see who was sitting at that table. Because we all know if you would have seen Marky Mark and the Funky bunch, shit woulda hit the fan.

WHY DO ALL MY boyfriends want to have threesomes and then end up leaving me for the trick in the end? Can I really not keep a man?

YOUR POOL PARTY WAS JUNKY AND I hope you know I don’t care that you didn’t invite me. I had a foursome with some of the hottest 50-year-olds in FTL while you spent the weekend having little twink boys steal your alcohol and cock tease you. Act your age for a change.

I THINK I SOLD YOU SOME BAD greens. My bad. Come back to my place and I’ll power bottom for you to make up for it.

OBAMA’S MAMA WOULD NOT BE proud of him today. Your mama would not be proud of you either. Now put your pants on and get out of my house.

QUIT TEXTING MY MAN, BECAUSE next time I see you out, I’m going to break your precious little iPhone. I am not the one you want to f with.