Florida Agenda

AJ Cross

This week’s column is a celebration of laughter. Margaret Cho always says, “If we can’t laugh at ourselves, then fu*k it.” Here are my TOP 10 gay jokes from various sources. It’s hard to find clean gay jokes.

I hope they lighten up your day.

#10
What do you call 50 lesbians and 50 republican in a room? 100 people that don’t do d*ck!

#9
What do gay men and ambulances have in common? They both get loaded from the rear and go whoo-whoo!

#8
What did one gay sperm say to anothe

r? “How do we find an egg in all of this sh*t?”

#7
How do you fit four gay guys on a bar stool? Flip it over.

#6
Why do so many lesbians join the army? They saw the recruitment ad about being in the bush.

#5
Why don’t gays work at sperm banks?  They always get fired for drinking on the job!

#4
How do you know if you’re at a gay picnic? The hotdogs taste like sh*t!
#3
A gay man went to the ER because he had a vibrator stuck up his a*s. The ER Doctor took a look and said “Don’t worry; I’ll have it out in no time.” “Don’t do that,” said the gay man.
“What do you want me to do?” asked the doctor. The gay man said “Change the batteries,” duh!

#2
Billy the very gay flight attendant announced to the passengers, “We will be landing the plane shortly, lovely people, so if you could just put up your trays that would be fab.”  He noticed that a rather exotic-looking woman hadn’t moved a muscle.
“Perhaps you didn’t hear me over those big engines. I asked you to raise your tray for landing.”

She calmly said, “In my country, I am called a Princess. I take orders from no one.”

Billy replied, without missing a beat, “Well, sister, in my country, I’m called a Queen, so I outrank you. Tray-up b*tch!”

#1
3 men are bragging about their sons.

Man #1 says, “I’m proud of my son because he is a Doctor and is making so much money that he just bought a brand new BMW.

Man #2 says. “I’m proud of my son because he is a Lawyer and just bought a house in the Hamptons.

Man #3 says, “I’m not too proud of my son because he’s a fag, but hey at least he’s got a new BMW and a house in the Hamptons.

Andrews Living Arts Theater presents Jim David’s “South Pathetic” through Saturday Feb.

5. “South Pathetic” tells the story of an out-of-work performer directing the worst community theater in the South in “A Streetcar Named Desire.” David plays himself as well as 10 characters. He recently spoke with us about “South Pathetic” and his career:

Can you tell us about “South Pathetic” and the variety of characters you play?

It is about my experiences directing theaters. It celebrates people who live in the tiny towns who want to get into the arts or show business—it was how I was as a kid. I’m a stand up comedian, but I wanted to do a theatrical piece.

When did you know that comedy was your thing?

I was a target of an “It Gets Better Video” as a kid. I got made fun of and didn’t really fit in anywhere. I auditioned for the “Wizard of Oz” and played a munchkin when I was in the fifth grade and continued doing plays through high school and college. I then went to New York to do theater and it was very difficult. When I was in my late 20’s I decided to try stand up comedy. I decided if that didn’t work I was going to get out of it all together and find another career. I was good at stand up comedy and I’ve been making my living at it since 1986.

What’s changed in your career from when you first started doing stand up until now?

Were you openly gay from the beginning? Well I’m better at it now and more experienced. I was the first openly gay comedian to have my own special on Comedy Central, but I wasn’t openly gay from the beginning. I didn’t have the courage, and I just wanted to be a comedian. If you are openly gay from the beginning, then that’s what people knew you as—period. I figured if I established myself and waited awhile I could be a comedian first and gay third or fourth. It’s unfortunate, but that’s the way the world sees you. When I came out nothing really happened to change my career negatively. I actually got more work performing for gay audiences.

Have you had issues with audience members during shows?

Oh yeah. They would yell things out or wait for me after the show and tell me they didn’t like what I said. I try to remind them that’s it’s just a show or a joke. It’s like what recently happened at the Golden Globes with Ricky Gervais. What did they expect? If someone comes out tells jokes with a little bit of teeth people get mad. All I have to say to them is too bad—lighten up. If you get offended—tough.

When you do shows, what do you ultimately want your audiences to take away from the show?

I want them to enjoy themselves. It’s very boring if a comedian tries to just get the audience to think. If you can sneak in social comments here and there, then that’s fine; but if you are coming out preaching to the audience that’s just boring. For me it’s about the joke. It has to be a good joke. I have no agenda other than to make people laugh as much as I possibly can. With “South Pathetic” I want the audience to see the importance of the characters creating art even though they don’t have any talent. The people in this play love what they are doing even though they are doing it badly.

You can learn more about Jim David at www.jimdavid.com