Florida Agenda

By DUNCAN ST THIBAULT

And Here We Always Thought It Would Be Ken… The new Blond Diamond Barbie sports more than a sequined-and-jeweled cocktail dress and fur coat: The creation of designers David and Phillipe Blond is also sporting the naughty nickname “Drag Queen Barbie,” after Phillipe’s penchant for wearing stylish femme fashion.

Mars Needs Spears! In her music video for 2000’s “Oops!…I Did It Again,” a rubber-suit-wearing Britney Spears welcomes an astronaut to the surface of Mars, and receives a gift from the spaceman. After the real-life Mars rover Curiosity landed on the Red Planet’s surface Aug. 6, the singer asked on Twitter, So @MarsCuriosity…does Mars look the same as it did in 2000? To which the reply was given (presumably by some horny techie at NASA’s monitoring labs in Pasadena, Ca.), @britneyspears Hey Brit Brit. Mars is still looking good. Maybe someday an astronaut will bring me a gift, too. Drill bits crossed Geek “hot talk:” I’ve heard worse.

Tight Ends and Wide Receivers Top Bullies – The San Francisco 49ers have become the first NFL franchise to record a video condemning antigay bullying and violence. The minute-long commercial features players Ahmad Brooks, Ricky Jean Francois, Isaac Sopoaga, and Donte Whitner as part of the “It Gets Better” campaign, which began in 2010 in response to a string of suicides by students bullied over their sexual orientation. In the spot, Brooks informs kids, “Something you should never experience is being bullied, intimidated, or pressured into being someone or something you are not.”

The team was encouraged by 49er fan Sean Chapin, who collected more than 16,000 signatures on Change.org.

Say What? “I think the whole thing, memorizing lines and trying to, like, say them and still, like, do movement, all that. That was hard.” – Ryan Lochte, Olympic goldmedalist swimmer, “commenting” on his “90210” guest spot.

A “Teenage Dream,” But Not An “American Idol” Singer Katy Perry reportedly turned down a $20 million offer to join the judges panel for “American Idol” season 12. According to reports, producers offered the pop star $18 million (the same asking-price of Mariah Carey) and then sweetened the pot a few million more. Katy is reported to have passed on the offer because, well—does she really need to be doing this at this point in her phenomenal career (nine consecutive top 10 pop hit singles and counting, for starters)?It sounds like Katy is “Wide Awake”—at least when it comes to her career.

By Melanie Nathan

Raised in an extremist Christian household, assaulted in a classroom with a teacher present, EricJames Borges, 19, of Visalia, Calif., was repeatedly bullied, tormented and terrorized for the duration of his childhood and teen years. Exorcisms, beatings and extreme Christianity pervaded his young life and did not “cure” him. “Disgusting, perverted, unnatural and going to hell” is what his parents told him as he was kicked out of his home. Just last month, EricJames made a video for the “It Gets Better” project, a campaign that features personal hope-filled videos to LGBT teens to get them through difficult times. On Jan., 14, 2012, EricJames committed suicide, shocking his friends and his co-workers at The Trevor Project. Melanie Nathan attended one of his funerals, and obtained a copy of one of his suicide notes. This is her exclusive article which provides insight into the suicide. It originally appeared on SDGLN and GAY USA the Movie and Blog.

Never before had the sound of “Edge of Glory” been so inconceivable; EricJames Borges chose Lady Gaga, and not only for the echo that would pave his heavenly journey but as a benefactor, leaving the last of his life’s dealings to his icon. Five hundred dollars would go to Lady Gaga’s Born This  Way Foundation, $500 to the Trevor Project, $521.56 to the Human Rights Campaign and almost $2,500 to his rescuer, Jennifer McGuire for her upcoming same-sex wedding. “I want it to go where it deserves; to life, love  and equality.”

Unlike during his life, nineteen year old EricJames Borges was in control at the end; he uploaded the music and chose the people; he designed his own funeral service and it was poignant. This past Saturday Borges was celebrated at one of three memorials held in Visalia and the one I attended was held by the town’s grieving LGBT community–those describing themselves as his new family. His religious extremist parents had been invited but did not attend.

Mere months before EricJames came out, he recorded an “It Gets Better” video, made a short film and gave anti-bullying suicide prevention workshops to other teens. Yet he could not sustain his own pain and committed suicide just two weeks ago. I obtained an exclusive and copyrighted copy of one of his suicide notes addressed to Jennifer McGuire and EricJames wanted all to know that he was grateful to the Trevor Project “I do not want my passing to reflect poorly on the Trevor Project,” he clarified. “That organization was the best decision I ever made in my life.”

A confused community packed the convention hall, trying to grasp the pain that could have caused this young suicide, further perplexed that even after the rescue which took him from a world of shame and torture to one of acknowledgment and safety, he would still want to die.

And so he did, in the home of a tender stranger, who took him in like her own, and whom he described in his last note as “mother-like” to him. She gave him love, safety, comfort and a Christmas like none other he had experienced in  his life.

While officiate and friend, William Van Vanlandingham, the director of the local chapter of Trevor Project noted “we are not here to point fingers,” Jennifer McGuire, the kind stranger who had opened her home to EricJames, and had grown to love him, spoke to the mourners candidly:

“I am not going to avoid the elephant in the room. He tells his story better than any of us could in his short film and “It Gets Better” video, but I need it to be spoken out loud – and said for him… his parents tortured him – there is no other word to describe it. What he shared in his video was the tip of the iceberg, and that’s only compared with what he shared with me, and I am sure there was more.

His parents tortured him by not protecting him from the extensive bullying. His parents tortured him through their relentless, extremist religious teachings. His parents tortured him with shame and intolerance and emotional and physical abuse that most of us can’t even begin to imagine. And yes, I blame them, and not just a little, but for a majority percentage… His parents killed him.”

Jennifer McGuire described how a college community including Professor Debra Hansen and Trevor Project volunteers had come to the rescue of the destitute young man. Yet all the love and support in the world would not  be enough to save EricJames from the gushing wound of his childhood and the piercing gashes of his preceding
teen years.

“By the time he got to us, his real family,” wept McGuire, “he was so injured and so wounded that the triage we provided wasn’t enough.”

While grieving friends sat weeping the air was thick with an omnipresent craving to comprehend and as McGuire continued, through the poignancy of a triage metaphor, a small light was shed on that dark day, as if to  entice understanding:

“He really was a warrior and many of us really were the MASH doctors trying to patch him up through our love and our friendship ….. we tried to stop the bleeding and in my heart I know we, all of us, did everything we could, but the wounds from the front-line, his front-line were just too severe.”

The broken hearted McGuire continued:

“Our plan was to get him through his last year at COS and help set him up in a form or apartment at UCLA where he wanted to go to film school. He was so young, so alive, so strong in so many ways, yet utterly defenseless against the hell thrown at him.

And while many of us saw that and tried to protect him, basically, he had no defenses. He didn’t know how to shrug off the torment from bullies. He didn’t know how to reject the condemnations that are ever prevalent in our society.

We gave him slogans from t-shirts and videos instead of tools. He hadn’t learned the art of removal or the snap and shoulder shrug or even anger, the defenses many of us have had, to learn to survive in this hostile world. Instead, he internalized it, all of it, and really he didn’t understand it. It wasn’t in his nature to understand the hate thrown at him.”

Describing Borges as a smart and articulate young man who barely scraped the surface of his potential, McGuire related how she prepared for his move to her home:

“The day before he moved in, I emptied the bedroom for him; I emptied the drawers and the closet because I wanted him to move in, not just stay, but live there, and I made his bed, and I put a stuffed animal dog on the bed with the fluff pillows, thinking he’d stack them all in the closet when he went to sleep.

Instead he walked into the room, saw the stuffed animal, and hugged it, and teary-eyed said, “Is this for me?” And of course, I’m like, “Ya.” And you know he slept with the dog every night.”
And the eulogies effectively conveyed the message that EricJames had sought to impart, when he noted so succinctly in his final written words: “My pain is not caused because I am gay. My pain was caused by how I was treated because I am gay.”

As McGuire concluded with an impassioned resolve to reclaim the “GAY” fight, the grieving community, and some well known activists all stood in unison, cheering, while the ultimate blast of “Edge of Glory” touched us with the sweet smell of ironic rebellion as the young man who could not be saved by anyone, controlled his own demise, leaving us with his choices and his money, defying those who stole his life, and revering those he had savored to his end.

Suicide Note: Permission granted to Florida Agenda for one time use with Article by Melanie Nathan; under license to Melanie Nathan, by J. McGuire Copyright. ©2012

Melanie Nathan of San Francisco is a lawyer, human-rights advocate and blogger for OBlogDeeOBlogDa.wordpress.com and Gay U.S.A. the Blog. She also is a regular contributor to SDGLN and The Advocate. Melanie tweets @melanienathan1.

IMAGES: Kristina Lapinski of GAY U.S.A. the Movie Copyright, Melanie Nathan, © 2012.

By PHOEBE MOSES

MIAMI, FL  – The “It Gets Better” video project, the brainchild of author and journalist Dan Savage, along with other anti-bullying campaigns, are providing inspiration for the Youth
Pride Band of South Florida, an honors band comprised of high school  students who have joined together to promote tolerance and understanding through music. The band is a project of the South Florida Pride Wind  Ensemble (SFPWE).

The Youth Pride Band consists of gay, lesbian, bisexual, and questioning students, as well as straight allies from various South Florida high schools. Three student band members will each receive $1,000 college scholarships.

Although there are more than twenty adult gay bands across North America, the Youth Pride Band of South Florida is the first of its kind, says SFPWE president Alain Ortiz.

“With so many teen suicides and assaults occurring in the past year or two, we felt it important to do what we could to address bullying and provide a positive experience for young musicians,” Ortiz explained. “For many of us, band was a place where we could escape the teasing and really fit in.”

The Youth Pride Band’s 27 student members, ages 15 to 18, will make their concert debut in the Amaturo Theater at the Broward Center for the Performing Arts on Sunday, Feb. 12th at 7 p.m.

Internationally-acclaimed composer and conductor David Shaffer of Miami University of Ohio will conduct a program of traditional band works, in addition to his own compositions.
Natalie Mullen, 17, is a clarinetist from McArthur High School in Hollywood. “It’s really important for me to support my friends,” she says. An openly-gay friend at her school broke both his legs after trying to commit suicide by jumping from a second story building. Another admitted on Facebook that he cut himself. “The bullying really affects their self-esteem,” Mullen emphasized.

Christina Dunbar, 18, is president of the Gay Straight Alliance (GSA) at Pembroke Pines Charter High School, one of Broward County’s largest GSAs. The flutist, who is bisexual, says she has experienced firsthand the challenges of coming-out as a teen, as well as the homophobia of classmates, which is often masked as playful hazing and good-natured teasing. “This is a side of the gay community that I hadn’t seen,” she says about the SFPWE. “It’s amazing how supportive everybody has been.”

Says Shaffer, who has conducted bands across North America and was himself the victim of teen-aged bullying: “This is a fantastic opportunity to get kids involved in a weekend making good music and bringing young people together.” The conductor was recently commissioned by the Toronto (Canada) Board of Education to compose a piece that specifically addresses bullying. “It’s important. I definitely relate back to when I was in junior high school.”

The Pride Youth Band also provides some students with an opportunity to perform that they can’t get at school. Gay saxophonist Julio Marcone, 17, attends Fort Lauderdale High School, which recently eliminated its band program due to budget cuts. A scheduling mistake landed him in band in middle school, so he learned to read music, took up the trumpet and later switched to tenor saxophone. “It’s been an experience,” he says of the first rehearsal. “I heard about the band from a friend and I’m so glad I have the chance to play again.”

The Youth Pride Band will open the Broward Center concert, followed by a performance by the SFPWE. Under the leadership of artistic director Dan Bassett, the organization has become a leader in the gay band movement.

“Not only are we providing an educational experience for these talented young people,” notes Bassett, “they are getting the opportunity to work with successful role models and perform with one of the leading conductors in the country. It’s going to be a fantastic concert and the start of a program that will touch many young musicians.”

Tickets are $10 at the Broward Center Box Office, BrowardCenter.org. For more information, go to PrideWindEnsemble.org.

By Rory Barbarossa

WASHINGTON, D.C. – A gay teen from California has committed suicide just a month after he made an anti-suicide video urging others to “never give up.” Eric James Borges made the video in December for the “It Gets Better” campaign, which features inspiring videos targeting LGBT teens to help them get through difficult times.

In the video, Borges, 19, describes his own personal experiences as a gay youth, discussing the bullying he was subjected to from kindergarten through high school. “I know it is hard and I know what it feels like to be rejected and abused for your biological sexual orientation,” he offered. “I was physically, mentally, emotionally and verbally assaulted on a day-to-day basis for my perceived sexual orientation,” Borges added. “I was stalked, spit on, ostracized and physically assaulted.”

He also described an assault upon himself by students during high school while a teacher was present. This motivated Borges to leave formal school and finish his high school equivalency.

Borges was also open about his coming out experiences at home, describing it as an “extremist Christian household.”

“My mother knew I was gay and performed an exorcism on me in an attempt to cure me,” Borges said on the video. “My anxiety, depression, self-loathing and suicidal thoughts spiked. I had nowhere safe to go, either at home or school.” He was forced by his parents to leave home at the end of September.

Things seemed to have changed for the teen after he began working for the Trevor project to help bullied gay teens. “I have met and befriended the most incredible and authentic people since I’ve come out,” Borges noted.

He then offered assurances that reiterated the theme of the anti-suicide campaign:  “You will love and be loved and I love you. You have an entire life, fit to burst with opportunities ahead of you. Don’t ever give up and don’t ever for one second think that you’re not a valuable and beautiful contribution to this world. It gets better.”

Distraught friends say that Borges gave no indication in recent days that he was planning to end his own life. “He seemed like the normal old Eric the last time I saw him,” friend James Criss told ABC News. “He was fine. I couldn’t tell anything was wrong with him,” Criss added.

An online petition urging Denver Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow to join the ‘It Gets Better’ campaign has gathered close to 5,000 signatures.

The petition at Change.org was launched by Broncos fan Andy Szekeres. It asks the 2007 Heisman Trophy winner to join the campaign which encourages bullied gay teens to hang in there because their lives will eventually get better.

Tebow, a devout Christian, credits his faith for his profession success. Last year, Tebow and his mother appeared in an ad for Focus on the Family promoting an anti-abortion message which aired during the Super Bowl.

Colorado Springs-based Focus on the Family has long opposed gay rights. Tebow has not publicly disclosed his views on the subject.

“The campaign is reaching people and changing lives. Within the gay community and with a lot of straight allies, it’s making a difference and raising critical issues,” Szekeres, 28, told USA Today.

“It’s the good Christian thing to do,” the Denver-based political fundraiser noted, adding: “It would really be an amazing thing for Tebow and the Broncos to do. To really say, ‘We may have differences on abortion and gay marriage, but stopping kids from killing themselves is an issue we can all get behind.’”

WASHINGTON, DC – Thirteen Democratic senators are releasing a video for the “It Gets Better” project highlighting Democrats’ efforts on gay rights issues and encouraging gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender youths who are facing harassment in their communities.

The senators, led by freshman Sen. Chris Coons (D-Del.), unveiled their video at 10:30 a.m. Wednesday at a Capitol news conference. The nearly five-minute-long video is set to upbeat music and features black-and-white clips of each senator shot individually over the past month.

“Unlike with so many other issues that we have to deal with in the Senate, with LGBT equality, there is value in simply talking, in speaking out,” Coons said at the news conference. “It doesn’t necessarily take a law to make a difference. As we said in the video, it’s up to all of us to fight for equality wherever we can. Fortunately, in the Senate, we also have other ways we can fight for equality as well.”

The move comes five days after the New York state legislature voted to legalize same-sex marriage, making the state the sixth to permit same-sex unions.

New York is now not only the largest state to approve same-sex marriage but is also the first in which a Republican-controlled chamber has passed a same-sex marriage measure.

The 13 senators featured in the video are Coons and Sens. Mark Udall (Colo.), Ron Wyden (Ore.), Richard Blumenthal (Conn.), Sherrod Brown (Ohio), Maria Cantwell (Wash.), Dick Durbin (Ill.), Al Franken (Minn.), Dianne Feinstein (Calif.), Kirsten Gillibrand (N.Y.), Charles Schumer (N.Y.), Jeanne Shaheen (N.H.) and Sheldon Whitehouse (R.I.).

All 13 are among the 25 co-sponsors of the Respect for Marriage Act, which was introduced by Feinstein in March and which would repeal the Defense of Marriage Act.

Several of the Democratic senators had been featured in videos for the “It Gets Better” project. Others, such as Udall, had been supporters of last year’s effort to repeal the “don’t ask, don’t tell” law but had yet to vocally advocate for same-sex marriage.

Among the five senators speaking at the news conference were Wyden — who noted Wednesday that he was among the 14 senators voting “no” on DOMA in 1996 — and Schumer — who voted in favor of DOMA as a House member 15 years ago but in 2009 declared his support for same-sex marriage.

“Martin Luther King Jr. once said, ‘The arc of history is long but it bends in the direction of justice,’ ” Schumer said. “Last week, my home state of New York took a giant leap in that direction by extending the freedom to marry to all New Yorkers. And the strong bipartisan vote late Friday night in the New York state Senate sent a rousing message to LGBT kids throughout my state who yearn for acceptance: It really does get better.”

SAN FRANCISCO, CA – San Francisco Giants spokesperson Staci Slaughter said that the Giants will be the first professional sports team to make an “It Gets Better” video following an online petition initiated by gay activist Sean Chapin, which gathered more than 6,000 signatures.

According to the San Francisco Chronicle, originally the plan was to produce the video for the Giants LGBT Night home game in August, Slaughter said, “but now we’re trying to get it done sooner than later.”

Photo: Atlanta Braves pitching coach Roger McDowell was involved in a controversial exchange with fans at San Francisco’s AT&T Park during a baseball game with the San Francisco Giants. In that exchange, McDowell allegedly used anti-gay slurs and offensive gestures.

By TROY MAILLIS

Dan Savage, Co-Founder of the “It Gets Better” Project, is making an appearance in “An Evening With Dan Savage” at Art Explosion in Fort Lauderdale on Saturday, February 26 at 8 p.m. Tickets are $25 – $35 and can be purchased at browardcenter.org. Savage, who writes the controversial sex and relationship column “Savage Love,” also has a book coming out in March. Through various forms of media, Dan Savage has consistently pushed the envelope and has become a trendsetter in the realm of getting his point across. Dan recently spoke with Mark’s List about his upcoming appearance, his column and his new book.

You are making an appearance at Art Explosion for ArtsUnited. What can we expect from “An Evening with Dan Savage”?

Well, that depends—I’m most comfortable working in a question- and-answer format, so it’s really the audience that drives evenings with me, just as they drive columns with me, and podcasts with me. I like doing it that way because then, if the conversation gets too dirty or nutso, the audience really has no one to blame but itself.

Are you happy with the success of the “It Gets Better” Project? Why do you think it took this long for a campaign like this to come about? What were your personal experiences that helped form this campaign?

I’m touched by the success of the “It Gets Better” Project, but I wouldn’t say I’m happy. I’d be happy if there were no need for something like the “It Gets Better” Project. I’d be happy if LGBT kids weren’t being bullied, and there was no need for the IGBP anymore, and we could pull the whole thing down tomorrow.

And I think that if we hadn’t have launched this campaign, someone would’ve thought of it or something similar. Clearly my husband and I weren’t the only adult LGBT people or allies who were aching to reach out to hurting LGBT youth—and not all LGBT youth are hurting; in many ways, and in many places, there’s never been a better time to be a queer kid than right now. It just needed a spark. We gave ourselves permission to talk to LGBT kids, and by proxy gave all LGBT people everywhere permission to talk with these kids, and so many people leapt in, stepped up, and took action that it’s obvious to me that people were waiting for someone to say, “Let’s do this.” If it wasn’t us, someone else would’ve jumped in, I’m convinced.

I was bullied a bit in middle school, and a little in high school. But I didn’t have it as bad as my boyfriend had it—he was brutalized. I also hear every day at “Savage Love” from LGBT kids all over the country, many of them are being bullied not just by their peers, but also by their families, and they’re in so much pain—queer kids whose families reject them are eight times likelier to attempt suicide. People need to understand that rejecting your gay kid won’t make him straight, but it could make him dead.

You have a book coming out in March. What will the book be about?

The book is a collection of essays—some new essays, and some adaptations from the videos on the website. We collected some of our favorites, transcribed them, edited them, and asked the folks who made them to revise them. It’s powerful stuff. We hope the book will reach kids who aren’t wired, and we’re hoping it will be placed in school libraries all across the country.

How has your column changed since you started it

Well, when I started the column in 1991 the “Hey, Faggot” salutation was a reference to a roaring debate in the gay community, inspired by Queer Nation activists, about “reclaiming hate words.” If we used them, if we embraced them (“Yeah, I’m a fag/dyke/sissy, so what?”), then they couldn’t be used to wound us anymore. I thought the logical end-point for that reclamation process was giving straight people permission to use those words in a non-hateful way. Hence, “Hey, Faggot.”

I still use the word faggot in the column— I love the word faggot—but I don’t think that if I started the column today I’d use that salutation, just because the debate it referenced is long over, and the joke is over.

The thing that changed my column most was the Internet—I started doing “Savage Love” before there was a Google, and I’m doing it now years later. Before Google, I got a lot of “What’s a cockring?” questions, and “Where’s the BDSM group in my area?” questions. I don’t get those anymore, which is a shame, because those were easy questions! Now I get mostly questions that involve situational ethics—lots of gray. It’s hard to screw up the answer to “What’s a cockring?” It’s easy to screw up the answer to “My husband cheated on me and I’m not sure I want to stay in this marriage.”

You’ve been controversial in many of your columns, do you think there is a line that exists that can still be crossed?

I don’t know—I’m always looking for lines and bursting past ‘em, and I’ve yet to find the uncrossable line that couldn’t be crossed!

Would you ever run for political office?

Yes I would, if my boyfriend would permit it, which he wouldn’t, so no.

What can we expect next from Dan Savage?

You can expect me to go on a nice, long vacation. My boyfriend-in- America/husband-in-Canada and I have been working round the clock on IGB since the project launched, and then the book, and now we’re heading out on a book tour (which sounds like a vacation but definitely is not), so we’re thinking Hawaii is next for us—a beach in Hawaii, with a cocktail waiter standing at the ready. That’s also one of the ways in which it gets better.

info:

An Evening with Dan Savage
Saturday, February 26 – 8p.m.
Tickets: BrowardCenter.org

Add your face and voice to the national “It Gets Better” campaign. Florida Agenda, in conjunction with Pride Center, Mark Magazine, Mark’s List, CopyThis and Depot Cabana Bar and Grill will be holding a community video shoot on Sat. Nov. 13 at the Pride Center/GLCC, 2040 N. Dixie Highway in Wilton Manors. Join us for an attempt at the world’s largest “It Gets Better” video. Don’t be late, massive group shoot at 12 noon, individual “It Gets Better” testimonial video shoots follow immediately afterwards.

Join in and spread the word of love and acceptance. Afterwards, join us at an “It Gets Better” after party at Depot Cabana Bar and Grill. 1st drink is free (well and domestic).

SEATTLE, WASHINGTON-

Though only a couple of weeks old, the “It Gets Better” national video campaign has taken on a life of its own as thousands of homemade videos of testimonials from gay or straight, young and old alike have posted their videos on YouTube. Currently, over 100,000 videos have become part of the campaign. The “It Gets Better” campaign was founded by columnist, Dan Savage in response to the suicide of Billy Lucas and a number of other teenagers who killed themselves due to anti-gay bullying. Its goal is to prevent suicide among LGBT youth by having gay adults convey the message that these teens’ lives will improve.

The project has grown rapidly, with over 200 videos uploaded in the first week from adults of all sexual orientations including many celebrities. The project’s YouTube channel reached the 650 video limit in the next week, and is now organized on its own website, the “It Gets Better Project”. Recently, videos to the project have been submitted by Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi and President Barack Obama and Secretary of State Hillary Clinton.