By Sam Knew
In the mental health field, there’s a practice of not labeling things “right” or “wrong”. So much so, it’s given birth to the phase, “What do you think?” The idea is that the client will assign these labels to their options, which can actually act as self-motivating factor. This process, however, can leave so many of us feeling overwhelmed or stuck. Why is it that some people seem to be able to make decisions, with little wavering, and others seem to toddle back and forth on the proverbial fence?
It makes sense to weigh all the options when making big decisions. But for some, even the small decisions in life can seem like major obstacles. Many who find themselves obsessively teetering between what movie to see or where to go to dinner aren’t able to see the self-destructive effects. For example, one issue is the obvious time lost. Another is missing out on opportunities, such as deadlines. Additionally, indecisive people also tend to regret and worry even after they made a decision, concerned if they have made the right choice.
So, where does all this panic over right and wrong come from? One theory is a lack of self-confidence. People tend to focus more on their limitations or the losses.
Additionally, they may be concerned with what others think – a process that could irrationally or irrelevantly hinder one’s judgment. The process is also perpetuated by self-doubt and anxiety (mental and physical).
This continual overwhelming array of emotions can reach a boiling point. Indecisive individuals may shut down (opting not to participate), subsequently placing themselves in a “victim-like” mode, which can develop indecisiveness into a compulsive behavior, making the cycle more difficult to break.
One thing to keep in mind is how we make choices. It would seem logical that one would want to take in all the information available before making a decision. But oddly enough, one study actually shows that people who are decisive are selective with much of the information they look at. Primarily, they create a hierarchy of characteristics (deal breakers) and assign positive or negative attributes to related options. This allows them to spend less time reviewing options that are irrelevant. Indecisive individuals attempt to review all the details. In one study that looked at individual’s decision-making process through their eye movement, it discovered that indecisive individuals even spend a significant amount of time actively reviewing “nothing,” that is the blank space on a page.
You can relieve some of the pressure of make decisions. Start by cutting yourself some slack and avoiding negative labels, such as “indecisive”
or “wishy-washy.” Identifying your priorities is another step. This will help you know the difference between your needs and wants. Choices in regards to “wants” may feel less overwhelming. It’s also helpful to setup routines, minimizing the need to make decisions. And, most importantly, accept that you’re the only one that can determine what’s right and wrong in your life.
Sam Knew, MSW is an educator and a local counselor. He can be reached at samknewmsw@gmail.com