Despite all they have done for me, my contemptuousness for weddings knows no bounds. Straight people, some even brilliant, actually, and quite foolishly believe some ancient mystical/magical ceremony will somehow bound them together, forever in, realms far beyond the ones us mere mortals inhabit. The astute individuals know what a prenuptial agreement is. With the national divorce rate over half at this point, I think its safe to say marriage serves little purpose beyond personal satisfaction in staking one’s relationship and some tax benefits that I, as a “bachelor until I die kinda guy”, will never fully understand.

Still if you want to walk down that aisle you can, unless you happen to be gay and then it’s all religious mumbo jumbo opposition. I hate to be the waver of the truth flag, wait, no I don’t hate it, I freaking love to do it, gays marry straight people all the time. Hell, some of those marriages are even contributing to the divorce rate. Just ask Fran Drescher of all people.

The reason gay people marry straight people seems as varied as the people involved. To not be a total uninformed nitwit writer who will never experience such things, research was conducted via this newfound contraption I overheard about last week called the Internet. Asking a forum of gays about the question provided feedback along the lines of my initial suspicions, but apparently, and make sure you tell everyone you know who uses the Internet for research this, people on the internet lie. So, admittedly, a little salt might be in my results. Pour it on the margarita rim if it is.

Getting married does offer a crucial key component for surviving in a world where twist and turns can occur suddenly without warning. Benefits. When people of opposite genders get married over 1,000 Federal benefits ranging from adoption to next of kin status kick in. A gay associate of mine was very happy for the laws of citizenship that prevented his deportation because he could marry a woman.

There is also this little thing called health care. Information puts the statistic for companies offering same-sex benefits someplace around the low teens at tops. So if the product your employer makes kills millions and your idea of love matches their PR image, congratulations you can get benefits. Being gay means that cost burden for the doctor will probably fall directly on you. Actually acting as if you care about a woman might be worth it in that case.

For every good reason gay people decide to marry straight people, there are extremely negative aspects about the issue. It seems as if you portray anything other than a white Christian male and want to run for politics your odds of winning start dropping faster then pants at a Larry Craig bathroom party. Even if you’re not white and male, marrying the opposite gender puts an “acceptable” face on you to your fellow straight-laced neighbors the Jones’. It conveys something about your alleged normalcy.

Being perceived as normal is so important in this “image is reality” world that the results can be disturbing. Gays enter into loveless marriages with straights simply to avoid nagging questions that are really no ones business but their own. How these relationships are good for anyone’s psyche is beyond me. Is being alive and trapped better than being prosecuted, legally or otherwise. May no one reading this ever have to find out.

Of course there is also the gray side of the issue. What happens when after umpteen years of marriage you realize, hey, I’m gay. Between your partner(s), your kids, and you, feelings are going to get hurt. There are websites devoted to this concept so if you are in that situation and need some help, advice, or support, know that it is out there on that world wide web thingy I mentioned earlier.

At some point in human history marriage evolved from an expression of love to a goal one should obtain. Not an equal to beating Super Mario Brothers, but something that can be accomplished all the same. In most cases it seems the goals for gays marrying straights is to simply get a luxuries society has decided to deny them, which sucks, but is certainly not as bad as it was fifty years ago. Evolution takes time folks. In the worst of cases they marry to perpetuate a lie for the benefit of….well no one as far as I can tell. Unless you’re pro the broken hearted.