R. Angelo Pezzote, MA, NCC, LMHC, LMFT, RPh, is based in Miami but demonstrates a worldwide commitment to healing. This manifests itself in an advice column, pod casts, workshops and lectures, and in his private psychotherapy practice. His book, “Straight-Acting – Gay Men, Masculinity, and Finding

True Love,” has touched many, including yours truly. Not only is Angelo filled with courage, strength and hope, he guides others in experiencing the same. He is, in fact, a modern-day shaman who has also been my friend for many years.

“In the words of Ernest Holmes,” Angelo quoted, “you can change your life by changing your thinking. Unless you change your thoughts, words and actions today, your tomorrows will continue to play reruns of your yesterdays.”

Angelo speaks from experience. He describes the single greatest motivator of his life as, “My pain. Out of the many painful losses in my life, I was forged into the person I am. Through the challenges in my life – childhood abuse, significant money loss, love of my life loss, and the like – I discovered natural love and joy at my core. I was cracked open, raw, and somehow through that, compassion emerged. I realized nothing else really mattered.”

Angelo put his pain into practice.

“Over the years, I realize my patients don’t need distant, cold, fancy, intelligent, clinical interventions from me,” he said. “What they need from me is to treat them while loving them, agape style, non-sexually and safely, so they can heal their gripe with humanity. That’s what this work is fundamentally about – healing heart to heart, soul to soul.”

“It is done unto you as you believe,” Angelo explained. “When you believe something, you get set in your ways over time.

Eventually you get hypnotized, only accepting incoming information that supports your belief, ignoring evidence of the contrary. Since your beliefs filter your experience that way, your reality is influenced by what you believe. Life is a mirror, whereby your experiences are reflections of your beliefs. Nothing in your life changes until you are willing to change your beliefs.”

“Leading physicists say that the underlying fabric of the universe is a field of endless possibilities,” Angelo continued, “existing simultaneously, suspended in a sort of quantum matrix with no location or state of being, until something occurs that locks one of the possibilities into place. That something is consciousness. So modern physicists concur with the central message – your thoughts collapse actuality from possibility.” Okay. Do what I did.

Read this paragraph again.

“There are two main steps that help alter your beliefs, thoughts and feelings to get more of what you want out of life,” Angelo elaborated. First, “No matter how many times old thought patterns and negative core beliefs return, don’t give them attention.

Be persistent.”

Second, Angelo continued, “Consist-ently generate positive thoughts even if you don’t believe what you are saying at first.” He gives examples: “Life is good. I am happiness right here and right now. I am whole, perfect and complete. I am love.

Something good is going to happen to me. The right people are coming into my path.

“You may notice when you start to use this positive psychology that negative thoughts and feelings will come on even more strongly,” advised Angelo. “Don’t worry. That’s just resistance. They won’t go without a fight, so give them one. Ultimately the negativity will die out and you will be left in the joy, peace and love of consciousness. Remember, the steps are most effective when used as a daily practice. This requires conviction, discipline and patience. It’s not something to try for three days and give up on.”

Profoundly, Angelo revealed, “It’s how you love that counts. You could say I was reduced to ash and like the Phoenix rose up out of the flames and recreated myself anew. It was ‘die in my protective isolation chamber’ or ‘find a better way to live in the world.’ I chose life and the only other path I could – love. It took being shattered, rocked to my foundation, to annihilate my protective defenses, open my heart, and love all out. I learned that no one could end my misery but me.  And no one could love me like I could love myself.”

People throughout the world are responding to Angelo where he’s at – at www.AskAngelo.com. Thanks, Angelo, for your service to humanity.

SnowBiz Florida Agenda

Follow Nicholas Snow online at  www.Facebook.com/SnowbizNow, www.Twitter.com/SnowbizNow, and at www.SnowbizNow.com. Follow “The Power To Be Strong” HIV Testing/Safer Sex Awareness Campaign at www.Facebook.com/PowerToBeStrong.

This can leave many of us trapped in the numbing, powerless role of “the victim”. But somehow many of us take the small crucial steps toward survival and even learn to thrive in spite of it all.

As a rule of thumb, most mental health counselors avoid the word “victim.” This may even include those who have experienced traumatic, life changing events (sexual abuse, health diagnoses, loss of a loved one, etc.). The word victim implies a lack of choices or a sense of helplessness. This perspective could leave individuals preoccupied with the past, creating a barrier towards progress. As an alternative, we prefer them to self-identify as “survivors”.

Survivors see the world differently from victims. They still struggle to find reasons for their problems, but seek out help to overcome them. Survivors also tend to not be as isolated and can see their own negative patterns. This path from victim to survivor is paved with patience, hard work and a unique inner strength that can only be described as heroic. Make no mistake: Their evolution is to be envied and celebrated. These individuals push to pick themselves up and attempt to create a healthier life in spite of their past experiences, even when they have trouble believing it for themselves.

In some cases, the process challenges them to relive the trauma in hopes of escaping its suffocating and paralyzing power. This process is as individual as the people themselves. The process can’t be rushed, as so many loving bystanders naively may hope – and even express. Survivors are also not expected to ignore o r deny t h a t t h e y have been v i c t imi z e d ; rather, come to a point of acceptance and understanding to allow them to take control of their life. What most come to discover is that there is no magic wand that can erase the memories or undo the past. They learn to cope with negative and distracting feelings and thoughts. And, although they realize they may never be “cured” or “freed” of these traumas, they strive each day to move forward.

The eventual goal is to commit to this healing process, and thrive. Survivors who move into the “thriver” role become more satisfied with life, create long-term goals and revive feelings of empowerment, compassion, joy and love. One way they do this is by connecting with others, sharing their story and acting as a source of strength for others. Thrivers, more than anyone, echo the sentiment: This too shall pass.

Sam Knew, MSW is an educator and a local counselor. He can be reached at samknewmsw@gmail.com