Florida Agenda

By AJ Cross

Have you ever made a statement about someone that was not true, whatever your reason? Have you ever repeated something that you heard about someone of which you, yourself, had no proof?  Rumors can be dangerous things and once they are out, even if by guilt you try to set the record straight, the damage that is done is almost irreparable.

Go into your house and grab a hammer; walk to any window in your home; take the hammer and slam it as hard as you can into a window. What happened?  Did the window glass break into hundreds or thousands of pieces? Now what if I tell you to pick every single piece of glass that has fallen to the ground. You can’t. Try as you might, you would not get every piece. That is the damage of a rumor. It spreads much further than your intention and the damage to the soul of the victim of the rumor is like that of the broken window. It is almost impossible to repair.

No matter how strong the person, the looks and whispers hurt. To walk around and have peoples’ impressions of you based on a rumor as opposed to truth hurts. What is the purpose or achievement of attacking someone so viciously that there is almost no means of defense?  Is it to give you greater position over them? Is it an avoidance of assumptions or speculations coming in your direction? Is it simply based out of envy or jealousy or worse still, simple amusement?

Think hard about the mess that breaking a glass window would cause and imagine the messes that may be created by making statements of someone that are not true. Ask yourself if it were the other way around and you had to find the courage to stand up to lies told about you, if you could do that or would even want to have to.

Our reputations and even our very lives are very much like glass. We look through every day not thinking of how fragile they can be. We take for granted the impact that can be made if that delicate thing we call reputation is damaged.  If there is something that offends you about someone, then speak frankly and plainly. Speak on fact and not speculation, but above all, stop uttering anything out of selfish motivation or ignorance which may cause damage.

I do not believe that it is likely that every person we encounter or know will grow upon us or earn our affections or our respect.

However, we must not act against the goodness of who we are in an attempt to alienate them. We must not grab the hammer of lies and rumor and break the glass of another’s life, or good name, or soul.

Broken glass is a very hard thing to clean up and I promise you that try as you might, you will never be able to pick up all of the pieces. And attempt to clean it up with your hands, you may assuredly be cut in the process.

By Michael French

Gossip is an unconstrained and most often derogatory conversation about other people. It can involve betraying a confidence, spreading sensitive information or making hurtful judgments. Gossip can be truly injurious to someone’s life and, in this litigious society, the perpetrator could find himself in court!

Watch the movie “The Children’s Hour” with Audrey Hepburn and Shirley MacLaine. A vicious rumor spewed by a spoiled, unhappy girl causes an unspeakable tragedy and ruins the lives of at least three people. It was way ahead of its time.

Habitual gossipers have very high levels of anxiety. They are generally unpopular because they become known as gossipers and untrustworthy.

Spreading private information or negative judgments is very painful to others, reflecting poorly upon the character of the person gossiping. There are many reasons people gossip:

• To feel superior. People with poor self-esteem temporarily feel better by making disparaging remarks about others.

• Out of boredom. When people can’t generate thought-provoking discussions based on knowledge or ideas, gossip can pique other’s interest.

• Out of envy. This is a big one. People gossip in order to hurt those they perceive as being more popular, more talented or having a better lifestyle that thy envy.

• To feel like part of the group.

People gossip to feel as though they belong to the group. Yet, when acceptance is based on being “in on a secret,” it is not based on a person’s identity, but on cruel exclusion or maliciousness.

• For attention. A person gets to be the temporary center of attention. Yet, spreading gossip and rumors is like buying attention: It’s only temporary and has no foundation. This person is not remembered as trustworthy and people will be very reluctant to confide in him or her.

• Out of anger or unhappiness. A person can derive a sense of retribution with disparaging remarks, but their motive is transparent to any wise person.

It’s not always gossip when people talk about others. It’s natural to be curious about what’s going on in others’ lives. The key is to look at the intent in discussing other people and their relationships. Is the goal to understand the actions of another person or to improve the quality of life and relationships? Is there a genuine concern present, or is it just drama? People often need to vent about troubles and issues in their relationships, with co-workers, families and life in general. It doesn’t take a genius to know what someone’s motive is. Is the gossiper’s intent purely to feel a sense of superiority or get attention with disparaging remarks?

How can you diffuse unwelcome gossip? It’s important not to fuel the gossiper with curiosity, agreement, and further questions. It’s best to change the subject with statements like; “I notice you talk about John a lot. I’m curious why he interests you so much” or “Let’s look at it from John’s side” or even “I feel uncomfortable listening to negative judgments about John unless we figure out how to help him”.

If someone feels compelled to tell you something another person has said about you, that person who allegedly made the comment isn’t hurting you. It’s the one telling you! With some exceptions, they have some clandestine agenda shrouded in their not-so-forthright motives.

The conclusion is: Gossipers show others his or her insecurity and mean spiritedness. This leaves a bad taste in everyone’s mouth, as if they had just eaten a bad apple. Ultimately, insight into the intricacies of human relations is more interesting, uplifting, constructive and enlightening than caustic one-dimensional judgments and damaging rumors.

We are all tempted to gossip. When you feel that temptation, first and foremost, think of the “Golden Rule”. How would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot; what really, if anything, especially positive will come of the nasty comments? The adage “If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all,” holds true.

Instead of judging, be grateful you’re not the person, being gossiped about. If you’re the audience of a gossiper, take head. Associating with this person puts you at risk of being seen in a bad light. And, don’t think you’re immune from their venom. You could be their next target!

Michael French, is Agenda’s Home from Home columnist. Contact Michael at mf7954fla@gmail.com

NEW YORK, NY – Popular gossipy gay news website, Queerty, went offline last week. Queerty’s final message to the community on their website is: “After more than five years of serving the LGBT community with news and entertainment, Queerty has come to a close. The decision to shutter the site was not an easy one to make, and it is with great pain that we say goodbye to our loyal readership. From all of Queerty’s writers and contributors, from our first unto our last day, thank you for spending some time with us.”

But this story is not over yet. Queerty released on their website today, that they shall return.

“You heard us right, after a few weeks of downtime, Queerty will soon return as the one place you need to turn each day. Stay tuned for more news next week. We’re working as fast as we can to get things back up and running.