Florida Agenda

TUPELO, MS – Conservative talk show host and American Family Association (AFA) director Bryan Fisher said on his radio show last week that the HIV virus is not the cause of AIDS, but rather that AIDS is caused by recreational drug use.

By Christian Taylor-Alexander

It starts off like any other relationship. A friend probably introduces you and before you know it, there’s magic in the air. A feeling of happiness … the stress and mundane details fade into the background as you and your new acquaintance get to know each other.

There’s music in the air, dark smoky lighting encompasses the room … people seem to be more friendly with you now that you are with your new companion. You might find that although you are usually kind of shy at the nightclub/bar, you are now talking to complete strangers. And, you are having the time of your life!

A little time passes and that feeling of bliss seems to be fading and your boring old self is coming back to the surface. Ah, but it’s early, and so and so said it was ok … so you and your new “friend” make your way through the crowds to the rest room. There, you and your new “acquaintance” can be alone for a moment. You probably stand there nervously for a few moments, wondering if anyone knows what you are really doing in that bathroom stall. Since you are new to this particular situation, you may not know what to do.

In this case, I am speaking of cocaine. Our character dips his car key into that little plastic zip-lock bag (point to ponder, I understand why they make sandwichsized baggies, but what else did they have in mind for those oh-so-perfect-for-carrying- drugs bags?), pulls out a pile of white powder, carefully balanced so as not to spill any, and inhales some in each nostril as he watched his friend do earlier. Within seconds, he can feel the numbness descending into his body. Within minutes that feeling of bliss begins to return. Maybe a little more so this time, because he did twice the amount as before. Not on purpose, it’s just the way it happened.

There are also countless persons who are introduced to other seductive strangers. These people were properly introduced by a trusted doctor. Who would doubt a stranger that promised to help your problems or take your pain away or better help you cope with the things that keep you up at night or make your mind race all day.

This new stranger seems perfect.

Our doctor’s convince us that if we take this little pill or that little tablet, we will feel better. Our friends coerce us into trying this substance or that, because it will make us feel better. This begs the question, how bad did we feel in the first place?

Before you know it (I can’t give you a precise time frame), but your new “friend” becomes a constant companion. Kids getting on your nerves? Take a pill. Tennis elbow annoying you again? There are pain pills in the cabinet. Going out for the evening and don’t have much energy

? Do a few lines. Want to really take a break from reality, drop some acid. It’s OK, everyone else is doing it. “My doctor prescribes them.” “All my friends are doing it.” (Given enough time we can rationalize anything.)

As time passes, one of two things can happen. For roughly 8% of the people I have known in my personal life, they are able to put down that drink, flush that cocaine or crystal meth, special K (no relation to the cereal), ecstasy, GHB, acid, Quaaludes (for you party boys in the 70’s) and the rest of the drug alphabet and walk away. My hat’s off to you.

The other 92%, don’t always fair so well. I am one of them. As time went by, I found myself growing ever more dependent on anything that would let me forget my life for a while and let me live in my imaginary little world where I actually was happy with who I was (ironically enough, the way I felt before I fell into the pit of addiction). Money started to get tight, I found myself falling asleep at my desk, I started losing contact with people whom I deeply cared about who genuinely cared about me.

Everything, however slowly or quickly, WILL fall apart.

Addiction is nothing short of a type of cancer. A cancer of the soul. The saddest thing is, all the people who really care about you (who stuck it out) can just stand by and watch you slowly killing yourself. So, with a nod to Nancy Reagan, “Just Say No.”

By CHRIS MANCINI, ESQ.

Relationships are complex, particularly cross-generational partnerships. When you mix the co-dependency of both partners with substance abuse, the outcome will never be positive. Cross Generational relationships are often based on money, and the issues that plague these relationships are exaggerated when the couple can only come together when substances are involved. Dependency will then take on a more sinister meaning.

Chris Mancini: “There is a subset of gay couples who fit the following profile: one of them is older, has money, is still sexually active and desires companionship. The other is younger, has no money, is sexually active and desires a great number of things that the older man’s money can buy. They are each suffering from a form of addiction that steals their joy. The hopes and wishes of this couple are mismatched from the beginning and trouble will inevitably ensue, but some of these couples can reconcile their mismatched desires if there is enough mutual respect. They never succeed, however, when the element of alcohol or drug abuse is added to the relationship. With alcohol or drugs on board, their love boat always hits the rocks and this couple ends up in my law office or at The Mission of St. Francis with a variety of legal and personal problems that include domestic violence, assault and battery, stalking/harassment and personal and real property disputes. They then discover that the courts are a clumsy and expensive way to address the issues that have been simmering beneath the surface of their lives. There is a better way. In the immortal words of the Rolling Stones, “You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you just might find you get what you need.”  Experience has taught me that hopes and dreams and good wishes are never a match for understanding and preparation.

Jack Labarga: “A perfect example of what Chris is talking about walked into my office this week; an older gay man with money and a young lover almost half his age. I find it interesting that it’s the older man that usually feels that it’s the younger one who needs help, but when I asked the older man, “What’s different this time?” his answer was “I won’t be giving out any money this time!” I replied, “You’ve known this young man for only a month and he’s already cost you a small fortune. Didn’t he get that new watch on his wrist from you?” “Yes.” “And aren’t you supporting him?” “Yes.” I replied, “You see the underlying issue (or at least one of them) is your lack of self-esteem. Your worth is attached to what’s in your wallet and if you have enough cash, it covers your insecurities and makes you popular and needed for the time being.” I went a bit further and found that he had become wealthy from an inheritance from an older lover. This is the stark nature of a disease cycle that may never get broken. True partners can’t walk on egg shells full of fear of not being accepted. Like any couple, when the issues continue to get shoved under the carpet, a home becomes a house that has nothing to offer but misery.”

Jerry Stephenson: “I met the gay couple Jack is describing and soon realized that the younger man has a history of quitting everything he’s undertaken. He’s lost and he needs the older man to believe in him because he doesn’t believe in anything, especially in himself. He’s good looking and talks like he has it together, but he denies the addictions that are leading him to bankruptcy, hospitalization, prison and even death. These two men are interdependent. The shortsightedness of the older man who says he knows that money won’t buy him love but acts like it will is fueled by the shortsightedness of the younger man who believes that money is the only thing that can make him happy, but it doesn’t.”

Chris Mancini: “That said, not all couples act this way. Many of my friends are in cross generational relationships and where money and substance abuse are not involved mutual respect and love win out. I know that love is at the heart of this problem. We all seek love, and the wisest of us realize that love is, really, the only thing of importance in our lives. Unfortunately, we have to learn the hard way or be taught how to love others without enabling them or ourselves to live a lie. The essence of love is love of self and self-sacrifice – but there is a world of difference between self-sacrifice and selfishness. At my law office and at The Mission of St. Francis, we have a variety of tools such as an alcohol and drug detection device that alerts to the presence of alcohol or drugs in sweat or urine. We provide a variety of legal means to enforce compliance with both voluntary and 100% confidential therapy programs or court-ordered programs.”

“This kind of help can make your misery optional.”

This article is a collaborative work by attorney Chris Mancini, Esq., Jack Labarga, director of The Mission of St. Francis, and Dr. Jerry Stephenson, addiction therapist.

EDITOR’S NOTE:

Chris Mancini, Esq., practices law at 330 S.W. 2nd St., Suite 212, Fort Lauderdale, FL and can be reached at 954-522-2744 or his cell: 305-219-6919; chrisjmancini@aol.com and www.chrismanciniesq.com

Jack Labarga is the director of The St. Francis Mission, a four decade old recovery center that has been of service to over 10,000 people, located at 208 S.E. 8th Street, Fort Lauderdale, 954-761-3281. www.themissionofstfrancis.com; info@themission.us.

Jerry Stephenson, PhD., CAP, is a gay man and a 25 year practicing licensed addiction therapist. He has published several self-help books and

has appeared on many TV and radio shows to discuss this subject. He can be reached through The Mission of St. Francis, on his cell at 954-632-1529, or drjerry.net

By Sam Knew, msw

We’ve all seen the movie where, after a night of wild lovemaking, they each light up a cigarette and reflect on their hours of sexual bliss (bliss optional). But believe it or not, with each drag you may be committing sexual suicide. Along with smoking there are a number of things men do to decrease or kill their own sex drive. Smoking, by far, may be one of the most common. One issue is all those toxins that build up in your system, which contributes to a lethargic feeling (that feeling of indifference and a loss in interest). This can occur after having just one cigarette.

Smoking can also damage the blood vessels in the penis, which restricts blood flow, in turn lowering the pressure of blood in the penis – making an erection more and more difficult.

But giving up the habit may come at another cost to your libido. Food often becomes a replacement for many who are quitting smoking; usually it is related to an oral fixation (yes, it’s okay to giggle). But the danger of packing on those pounds is another mood killer, especially along the waistline. Fat around the abdomen absorbs testosterone more efficiently than any other fat cells in the body. Testosterone is a steroid hormone and the principle male sex hormone. As it diminishes, so does your sex drive. But the problem doesn’t always originate at or below the waist.

Drugs such crystal meth at first can be a sexual magnifier, releasing 12 times the amount of dopamine (the pleasure chemical) to the brain. Eventually, however, the drug destroys the brain’s pleasure receptors, making it increasingly impossible to experience any type of pleasure. Other less suspecting drugs can have mood alternating effects as well, such as some prostate and HIV medications, antidepressants, blood pressure pills, antipsychotics and even some cholesterol lowering medicines. And, of course, what you’re washing these possible mood killers down with can accelerate the effects on your body. Combining these substances with alcohol can lead to additional – long term, and possible irreversible – damage. Alcohol alone, however, can also lead to sexual impotency. Though a glass or two may make you less inhibited, it also damages the nerves (including those in the penis), which leads to the inability to physically be aroused. Long-term alcohol abuse can make this a permanent effect.

Avoiding most the aforementioned substances may prove to be a challenge for some, especially if they have acted as your social lubricant. Learning to deal with your emotional/social barriers could have a bigger pay off in the end. This includes how we cope with the everyday stressors in our lives. Sex and stress are definitely linked. Not only does stress contribute to a low sex drive physiologically, under stress the body releases cortisol (a hormone) which inhibits other hormones – such as testosterone. The good news is that it seems to work the other way around, as well. Sex can be a great stress reliever – but of course your first move may have to be on yourself.

Sam Knew, MSW is an educator and a local counselor. He can be reached at samknewmsw@gmail.com