In spite of a wildly moody weather pattern (cold for five minutes, then hot for the next three hours), spring is in the air in South Florida, and 2012 promises to be a prolific year for gay writers and authors of LGBT-interest fiction and non-fiction. You will want to get your spring cleaning kicked off early this year to make room on your newly-dusted shelves for some of the literary gems.

If you can, try and catch the inimitable Brad Goreski, author of Born to Be Brad: My Life and Style, So Far and star of “Bravo’s” “It’s a Brad, Brad World,” and “The Rachel Zoe Project,” appearing tonight (March 8) at Books & Books on South Beach, 927 Lincoln Rd., Miami Beach.

Here’s a selection of page-turning mind candy to engage the most finicky of LGBT reading tastes:

Literary Delights

•    Coral Glynn (Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 2012, $25) Peter Cameron’s first novel since his acclaimed Young Adult (Y/A) novel Someday This Pain Will Be Useful to You, is set in 1950s England examines how victims of circumstance learn to love one another.
•    In the Y/A novel The Miseducation of Cameron Post (Harper Collins,2012,$17.99), Emily M. Danforth tells of the experience of a young lesbian dealing with being queer while staying with her ultra-religious aunt following the death of her parents in a car accident.
•    Software engineer turned writer, lesbian novelist Ellen Ullman’s By Blood (Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 2012, $27), set in the gritty, early ‘70s of San Francisco, involves thin walls, eavesdropping, and a patient, her therapist and a quest for identity.
•    Teenage criminals Sarah, Jenna, Lauren and Cassie are sent to an experimental juvenile detention center on a farm to create something tangible – as three of the girls try to heal their wounds, one sets out to destroy everything they work for in Getting Somewhere (Penguin Young Readers, 2012, $ 17.99) by Beth Neff.
•    Monstress (Ecco, 2012, $13.99), award-winning, queer, Filipino writer Lysley Tenorio’s debut story collection includes the National Magazine Award-nominated titular story among the eight pieces.
•    In his West Virginia-set debut novel The Evening Hour (Bloomsbury, 2012, $15), Carter Sickels introduces us to Cole, a nursing home aid and part-time drug dealer, whose interactions with the town folk, including an openly gay ex-con, are the basis of the story.
•    Acclaimed gay essayist and poet Wayne Koestenbaum returns with Blue Stranger With Mosaic Background (Turtle Point, 2012, $10.50), his first poetry collection since 2006’s Best-Selling Jewish Porn Films.
•    The Collected Writings of Joe Brainard (The Library of America, 2012, $35), edited by Ron Padgett, with an introduction by Paul Auster, includes the late gay writer’s groundbreaking autobiographical piece I Remember, as well as poems, short plays, drawings and comic strips, stories, journal entries and more.
•    Controversial and prolific queer writer Dennis Cooper returns with The Marbled Swarm (Harper Collins, 2011, $14.99), in which a young cannibal (yes, you read that right), tells the story of him and his late father.
•    High school sweethearts, Nate and Adam’s relationship survived the strains of homophobic brutality, but as college life begins in different cities their love is put to the test when new people enter their lives, forcing them to recognize what they really want in J.H. Trumble’s novel, Don’t Let Me Go (Kensington Books, 2012, $15).
•    The adult-oriented parody, If You Give A Kid A Cookie, Will He Shut the Fuck Up? (St. Martin’s Griffin, 2011, $14.99), an honest tale of a parent just wanting to find peace with his noisy kids by Marcy Roznick, fills the void between the books Go the F**k to Sleep and If You Give a Mouse a Cookie.
•     “Sweep-you-off-your-feet” stories by Steve Berman, Simon Sheppard, Rob Rosen and ten other gay writers can be found between the covers of Best Gay Romance 2012 (Cleis Press, 2012, $14.95), edited by Richard LaBonte.

Non-fiction now…

•    As colorful and stylish as the man himself, Brad Goreski’s Born To Be Brad: My Life and Style, So Far (It Books, 2012, $24.99), is a combination memoir and style guide, full of personal stories, photos and style tips from the gay star of Bravo’s reality shows It’s a Brad, Brad World and The Rachel Zoe Project.
•    Edited by Audrey Bilger and Michele Kort, Here Come the Brides!: Reflections on Lesbian Love and Marriage (Seal Press, 2012, $17), features contributions by Jennifer Camper, Holly Hughes, Joan Lipkin, Phyllis Lyon, Lesléa Newman, Monica Palacios and Lydia Stryk,
among others.
•    Neil Hegarty’s The Story of Ireland: A History of the Irish People (Thomas Dunne Books/St. Martin’s Press, 2012, $27.99), includes the Emerald Isle’s 1990s decriminalization of homosexuality.
•    Published posthumously, The Weather in Proust (Duke University Press, 2012, $23.95) by gay studies pioneer and literary theorist Eve Kosofsky Sedgwick, is a collection of pieces, edited by her friend and literary executor Jonathan Goldberg, of her work in the final years of her life, before she died of breast cancer in 2009.
•    As a devoted father, husband and professor at the Orthodox Jewish campus, Yeshiva University, Joy Ladin shares her transitions from a man to a woman in Through the Door of Life: A Jewish Journey between Genders (The University of Wisconsin Press, 2012, $26.95).
•    Princess Noire: The Tumul-tuous Reign of Nina Simone (The University of North Carolina Press, 2012, $22) by Nadine Cohodas is a thorough biography of the late soul diva, musician, songwriter and civil rights activist.
•    Particularly timely in light of the recent changes regarding gays in the military, Out Of Step by retired journalist J. Lee Watton (A&M Books, 2011 $17) takes readers back 45 years to the Office of Naval Intelligence’s gay witch hunt to tell the true story of what happened during the summer of 1965.
•    The updated and expanded edition of John-Manuel Andriote’s acclaimed and Lambda Literary Award-winning 1999 book “Victory Deferred: How AIDS Changed Gay Life in America” (jmandriote.com, 2011), includes a revised preface and an entirely new chapter, “The Plague Continues,” inspired by the author’s own HIV diagnosis in 2005.
•    Described as “the definitive collection of writing” by a “pioneering theorist and activist in feminist, lesbian and gay, queer, and sexuality studies,” the substantial Deviations: A Gayle Rubin Reader (Duke University Press, 2012, $23.95), compiles some of Gayle S. Rubins’s “most influential essays.”
•    Including more than a dozen pages of color photos, It’s Not Really About the Hair (!t Books, 2011/2012, $14.99) by Tabatha Coffey with Richard Buskin, the memoir by the out lesbian host of “Tabatha’s Salon Takeover” is now in a paperback edition.
•    The Good, the Bad and the God-Awful: 21st Century Movie Reviews (Thomas Dunne Books/ St. Martin’s Griffin, 2011, $21.99) by Kurt Loder (of Rolling Stone and MTV fame) contains more than 200 movie reviews including some with queer content (The Nomi Song, Chloe, Savage Grace, The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo and its sequels, among others), as well as films from out filmmakers (I’m Not There, D.E.B.S., Broken Embraces and Burlesque).

Greg Shapiro is a Chicago-based writer and contributor to the Florida Agenda.  Gregg writes about music, literature and pop culture.

Review by Ily Goyanes

First off, the title alone should tell you that this is not a serious read, but Bobby Blanchard Lesbian Gym Teacher never, for a single page, pretends to be. Author Monica Nolan pokes fun at classic lesbian pulp on every page. From the beginning of the book, when we are introduced to Bobby (“not Bobbi”) Blanchard, we are taken on a sweet ride of guilty pleasure until the last page.

Ms. Blanchard once had a promising future as professional field hockey player until she was injured in a freak drunk-diving incident. Yes, diving, not driving.

Lying in her hospital bed and pessimistic about a future without field hockey, Bobby gets the best advice of her life from her old guidance counselor: Become the new Games Mistress at Metamora Academy for Girls.

The teachers at Metamora are all referred to as Mistresses. There’s the Art Mistress, the Math Mistress, the Chemistry Mistress, and so forth. Sounds like Bobby will feel right at home, right? As soon as she steps on school grounds, the not-so-subtle hints that other teachers and students might also play for Bobby’s “team” fly around faster than a hockey puck.

Although Bobby’s appearance is never described in full detail, we know she is a butch. Her muscular biceps, abhorrence of skirts, and proclivity for sports, are all obvious signs that the beloved Games Mistress is your stereotypical butch gym teacher.  The book is filled with other funny, palpable stereotypes, such as the two closeted male teachers who live together off-campus spending their time cooking and gardening, the “straight” woman “trapped” in an unhappy marriage who gets female loving on the side but would never leave her husband, and Metamora’s female student athletes who all have crushes on Bobby.

This book fleshes out the laughs with puns and innuendos throughout. Bobby speaks in sport‘s metaphors and relates everything that is going on in her love life to field hockey. Bobby’s penchant for ESPN-speak irritates Enid Butler, the Math Mistress, no end. Mistress Butler is a pedagogical intellectual who is adamant that sports are a waste of time. Of course, Enid and Bobby have instant chemistry, which we realize far before they do.

Meanwhile, Bobby is getting it on with members of the staff as well as the student body. The plot thickens when several subplots enter the playing field. There is murder, gambling, and sabotage afoot, and the only people who can solve the mystery are, of course, Bobby and Enid.

In the heyday of pulp fiction, publishers used the form to publish what would have otherwise been considered smut or pornography. Stories about lesbians, gays, and drug addicts, were not considered acceptable reading in the fifties and sixties, so to be able to read about woman-on-woman sex, you had to read a cautionary tale on the dangers of moral decay. Tales of lesbian love and sex were delivered as warnings about ‘The Wrong Kind of Love’ or ‘The Evil Friendship’.

Bobby Blanchard Lesbian Gym Teacher pokes fun at these times by using sentimental and melodramatic prose and stereotypical characters and situations, but never delves into the ‘warning’ category. Lesbian love is celebrated, and if the real world were anything like Bobby Blanchard’s world, lesbians would never need to masturbate. Bobby is constantly getting propositioned by all kinds of women, from an heiress, to students, to teachers, to alumni. If only, the real world were like life at Metamora.

When you want to read something light, entertaining, and funny, Bobby Blanchard Lesbian Gym Teacher is a sure way to score.

Boys in Heat. Edited by Richard Labonté. Cleis Press. $14.95 (USD).

This varied collection compiled by Richard Labonté contains both sugar and salt. With some saccharine-tinged stories likeA Recipe For… by Kal Cobalt and some very briny stories likeMiss Vel’s Place by Jonathon Asche, Boys in Heat offers up tantalizing treats for all sorts of tastes. Of course, it is quite possible that the steamy man-on-man sex scenes will completely transcend previously decided palates.

Boys in Heat contains sixteen stories full of Y-chromosome action. A few of the especially tasty morsels are worth singling out.

Hooking Up by J.M. Snyder is a cyber-gothic one-night stand with two hot, young punk boys.

Rough trade doesn’t even begin to describe the roughneck main characters in Keith Peck’s Cockfighting.

Duffle by Dallas Angguish, takes us to college, so we can reunite with that friend of our older brother’s, whose image we jacked off to all through adolescence.

Like Peck’s cockfight, Miss Vel’s Place by Jonathon Asche takes us down metaphorical alleys where sex and smut combine to create a sour cocktail we just can’t help but crave.

Clarence Wong teaches us when it is okay to break the rules in Orbs.

Fluid Mechanics by Dale Chase, follows an eccentric professor on his journey to finding an apt pupil.

Hotter than Hades is Ted Cornwell’s story, The Key-Maker’s Wife. Cornwell weaves the familiar tale of a homo lusting after a “straight” person, and does it well. Another trip to Dante’s Inferno is Arden Hill’sTelling a Switch’s Story. Both of these stories are well worth the price of the entire book.

Bears. Edited by Richard Labonté. Cleis Press. $14.95 (USD).

This anthology is a must-have for lovers of all things bear. For most bear aficionados the attraction to bear culture is its largesse, which the stories in this collection serve in huge, bountiful spoonfuls. Containing seventeen very graphic stories of bear and cub love, Bears will satisfy even the most discerning chub lover.

If you like Muscle Marys, twinks, or other hirsutically-challenged examples of the Y-chromosome, you will not find much to enjoy here. When reading this book, it is extremely apparent that bear attraction is a fetish. Your ‘average’ person, whatever you might take that to mean, would not be turned on by many of the scenes in this book. The stories, though well written, will not appeal to everyone.

However, if you mentally ejaculate every time you see a “hairy, husky, bearded, big-bellied” beast, this is the book for you. The stories in Bears include threesomes, all sorts of bodily fluids, and highly inventive uses for sour cream.

White Meat by Daniel W. Kelly is a kinky exploration of jungle fever in which two bears share a piece of chocolate.

Lions and Tigers and Bears, Oh Yeah! by Rob Rosen is animalistic in more ways than one, and one of the sexier stories in the book.

Jeff Mann’s Leather-Bear Appetites is a wonderful example of honesty and gravitas in which you get to inhabit the mind of a Daddy Bear through some enlightened introspection.

A Glass of Cognac by Jan Vender Laenen is a snarky, comical romp through European bear bars.

Bears offers a choice to those unsatisfied by hairless chests and trim bodies.