Florida Agenda

I walked into another spider web this morning and my dog got the Hershey squirts.

I was cuddling with a new guy this morning and had to go to work.

Great, all I have to look forward to a bunch of queens up and down Wilton Drive all weekend.

I thought you said you were a nice guy.  You turned out to be a real dick.  Really?  I should have known better just by looking at you.

I met the hottest guy at the gym the other day and he seemed like he was into me.  Of course he’s straight.  I guess he was just a nice guy.

Sometimes I just want to punch my co workers in the face.  Do they ever get the concept that I’m buys and they need to STFU.

I hate that I’m going bald.  It is so much more maintenance to shave my head every other day than it is to just get my hair cut.

Why is it that every time my bf cums he doesn’t give a shit about finishing me off?  I end up having to jerk off while he just lays there.  I need a FB.

All of these reality shows are getting on my nerves.  I am so tired of hearing what other sub-par celebrities do with their lives.

I had a massive hangover all weekend.  Why do I keep drinking my weekends away?  It feels like when Monday comes along I’ve had no weekend at all.

Nothing bugs me more than people who don’t drive AT LEAST the speed limit.  That is why so many people get into accidents.

I was on a date last night with a hot guy, but he kept interrupting me when I was trying to speak.  Did he think what he was saying was more important than me?

How can you screw me one night because you’re drunk and then totally diss me the next because you’re “straight” and you have something special with your girlfriend?

I’ve tried several time to run into you to get you to notice me.  You’ve already said I was sexy, so what exactly is the deal?

I know people say it all the time, but why are all of the good gay guys always taken? Why can’t I find that ONE person who is like me on every level?

If a cop pulls me over one more time for speeding I’m going to lose it.  There are so many other criminals out there who should be what the cops spend their time on.

The air in my apartment is not working correctly and I’ve been sleeping like shit the last few days.  I need to sleep for an entire day just to catch up.

Do you have a “Bitch” you want to submit?  Post it on the Mega Bitches facebook page and it just may end up in future edition of the Florida Agenda.

Why do you feel it necessary to tell me the same damn story for the 10^th time…I didn’t even want to hear it the first time.

Here’s to looking at people when they have nothing interesting to say and pretending to listen.

Um, no… don’t touch me…you’re creepy.

Why would you invite me to have a drink and then ignore me all night.

I’m working out like crazy and I can’t see to lose weight.  It’s too hard to stop drinking.

If I get pulled over one more time I’m going to scream.

I’m sick and tired of working with other people.  I just want to be self-employed

Another long week ahead and nothing planned for the weekend…UGH

Are you seriously wearing that to a club

?

I can’t believe I actually believed that you were going to call me.

Why do I keep getting drunk and sending random, embarrassing text and facebook messages?

With all of the guys I hook up with, why can’t I find a boyfriend?

I can’t stand when guys just check you out and don’t take the time to actually come say anything to you.

The road work on Wilton Drive is driving me insane.  The lights never stay green long enough.

Every time I meet a guy who seems semi-interesting there is always something wrong.

Orlando Gay days was a bust for me…very little sex.

The Alejandro video was not as good as I thought it was going to be.

I’m sick and tired of cocky bartenders.  You need to at least try to “fake it” by being nice if you want to get a decent tip.

Glee’s season finale was not what I expected.  It was good, but I expected something bigger to happen.

Your preppy boy haircut cannot cover up the fact that you are a complete and utter skank.

IGNORING ME IS THE BEST THING you can do? Please I hardly even noticed.

I WAS KICKED OUT OF THE MILITARY in 1999 for having sex with my commanding officer. We were in love. Now we are on the verge of being vindicated. Time for DADT to go go go!

WILTON MANORS main street? More like Wilton Manors lame street! What a stupid stupid plan.

I CAME TO SOBE IN hopes of finding a man, but all I’ve found are little boys with STD’s. What a cesspool of nastiness. Good riddance bacteria pool, I’m leaving for cleaner waters.

I AM SO HAPPY THAT RETARDED show Lost is finally over, so now I can have my boyfriend back on Tuesday nights. You know it’s bad when he cares more about a fat guy and a chick with frizzy hair than he does about me.

COME ON MAN, TELL THESE people to get their crap together.

I’m tired of cleaning up their messes.

I THINK ITS BULLSHIT THAT YOU blow me to off and then end up doing lines of coke in the strip club bathroom off some old dude’s ass. We’ll see if I come and pick you up next time you are a wasted mess.

I LIKE HOW YOUR DROP YOUR pants at the drop of a feather. It would be harder to get Mother Teresa to pray on a Sunday than to get your jeans in a bunch at the end of someone’s bed.

WHY CAN’T WE PRETEND TO BE friends in front of the kids? Why do you always have to resort to comments and bitchiness? Are you that bitter that I am happy now, and you are still the miserable alcoholic fag you always were.

Ugh memorial day weekend in SOFLA is so nasty. If I can’t get out of town, I’m not  leaving my house.

I THINK I’D RATHER eat a pussy than ever eat your asshole again. That thing smelled worse than bigfoot’s dick.

I WISH I HAD THE COURAGE TO GO to prom in drag in high school. Shame on those shitty parents for kicking their son out. He deserves much much better.

SCHOOLS OUT!!! I AM SO OVER those homophobe jackasses in Oklahoma. I can’t wait to hit the speedofilled beaches of FTL and MIA. Why the F did I choose to be a Boomer-Sooner again?

I’VE FLIPPED HEAD OVER HEALS for you.

Why don’t you notice me. I’m the one that sniffs your hair as you walk by. I’m the one that grabs your ass at the crowded bar. I’m the one you can screw every minute of every day until I bleed for you.