By WARREN DAY
As far as the major studios are concerned, there are three seasons in which they release films, and once you understand that you’ll know why theaters are currently showing such dreck as “This Means War,” “Journey 2,” “Project X,” and “A Thousand Words.” None of these was able to muster even 50 percent positive reviews among critics and bloggers, who tend to give positive reviews to almost anything. “A Thousand Words” set a new record with an abysmal 0 percent rating, and “John Carter” is turning out to be one of the biggest bombs in movie history, losing Disney over 200 million dollars.
From mid-January until the end of April, it’s the “Dump Season:” when studios tend to release the movies in which they have the least faith. There are several reasons that this time of year has the lowest movie attendance: winter weather, an increase in school activities, major sports events (Super Bowl, March Madness, etc.), along with other conditions. (It used to be that a large percentage of Roman Catholics didn’t attend movies during Lent, but that isn’t so true anymore.)
Sometimes a studio will try to take advantage of the poor competition, and release one of their better films, such as “21 Jump Street” (the funniest movie of the year so far), or commence a new franchise, like “The Hunger Games,” a box office bonanza that is attracting the same teenage girls who flocked to see the Twilight Saga—and critics say “Games” is better than the Twilight films–or to commemorate a calendar milestone, as with the April release of the 3D version of “Titanic” to coincide with the 100th anniversary of the maritime disaster.
From May 1 until the third week of August, it’s the “Blockbuster Season:” when the most crowd-pleasing (and nonbrain- engaging) films show up in your local multiplex. It used to be that this season didn’t start until Memorial Day weekend (that’s when all the “Star Wars” films were originally released), but it has now progressed to the beginning of the month, hence the full offerings this May:
MAY 4 “The Avengers” delivers a coterie of comic book heroes–Ironman, Thor, The Hulk, Captain America, etc. The trailer looks messy and disjointed, but this movie could be a fanboy’s wet dream.
MAY 11 “Dark Shadows” is a high-rent version of a low-rent TV Gothic soap opera that ran during the 1960s. Directed by Tim Burton and starring Johnny Depp as the vampire Barnabas Collins, it promises to be both a hoot and a holler.
MAY 11: “The Dictator” brings the far-out Sacha Baron Cohen (“Borat,” “Bruno”) and his far-out satirical style to the whims and woes of a despot. No bounds will abound.
MAY 25: “Men in Black III.” Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones return in this highly popular series about how aliens (the out-ofthis world kind) are everywhere. They are joined by Josh Brolin and Emma Thompson, and even Lady Gaga makes an appearance.
JUNE 1: “Snow White and the Huntsman” is the second film of the year based on the popular fairy tale (“Mirror Mirror” opens on March 30), but from the trailer this looks far more interesting, with Charlize Theron as the prototype evil Queen, Kristen Stewart as Snow White (turned into Joan of Arc), and Chris Hemsworth (“Thor”) as the hunter who absolutely deserves to be hunted.
JUNE 8: “Prometheus” is one of the most anticipated films of the year, a prequel by director Ridley Scott to his classic sci-fi film “Alien.” The trailer is awesome, and so is the cast: Michael Fassbender, Charlize Theron, Patrick Wilson, Guy Pierce, and Noomi Rapace (the original “Girl with the Dragon Tattoo”).
JUNE 15: “Rock of Ages.” A film by openlygay director Adam Shankman–who also helmed “Hairspray”–it depicts Tom Cruise coming out as an aging rock star (who knew?). Based on the Broadway musical and filmed last year in Miami and Fort Lauderdale (hence the horrible traffic around Living Room and Revolution:LIVE last summer).
JUNE 29: “Magic Mike” promises to be an eye-candy paradise for gay men and a nightmare for insecure straight ones. Directed by Academy Award winner Steven Soderbergh, it’s based on the true experiences of Channing Tatum when he worked as a male stripper in Tampa. The G-string-attired cast also features Matthew McConaughey, Matt Bomer (the openlygay hottie star of USA’s “White Collar”), Alex Pettyfer (“I Am Number Four”), and featuring Joe Manganiello (“True Blood”) as the aptly named “Big Dick Richie.” From the end of August until the middle of January, it’s the “Award-Seeking Season,” when the more prestigious, pedigreed, and Oscar buzz-generating films are unfurled.
Beginning with the Venice Film Festival (August 29), and continuing with the Toronto, Telluride, and New York festivals through October 16, the critics and opinionmakers get their first look at the movies the studios feel are award contenders, giving those studios bragging rights and a bigger box office to boot. Of the last ten movies to win the Best Picture Oscar, all of them received their first showing at a film festival.
The highly anticipated movies this fall include Stephen Spielberg’s “Lincoln” with Daniel Day Lewis, “The Great Gatsby” in 3D with Leonardo DiCaprio, “The Hobbit” starring Ian McKellen once again as the wizard Gandalf and directed by Peter Jackson, “Gravity” with George Clooney and Sandra Bullock, “Hope Springs” with Meryl Streep, and finally–and at last– the musical version of “Les Miserables” with Hugh Jackman, Anne Hathaway, and Russell Crowe.
From the trailers, it looks like a very promising time at the movies this summer and fall, but the trailers and the films don’t always line up. Once I accused a friend of wanting his life to be similar to the movies. He replied, “Oh no, I want it much better than that. I want it to be as good as the trailers.”
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