How is it different working with a gay couple as opposed to a straight couple?

Not so many years ago, I was in Miami at an art opening and there was a psychologist there who practiced in Miami. We started talking and she said ‘there’s really no difference between a straight couple and a gay couple is there?’ It took everything in me to sort of keep calm and say ‘it’s a completely different animal.’ It’s different because there are very unique challenges in gay coupling that are not present at all in gay coupling. The maturation of two gay people can be very different. Someone who has been out for a long time, could be 25 years old, and someone who has been out a short time could be 55 years old. It’s called ‘age independent maturation,’ and that’s one of the points I touch on in the book.

Do work on getting them on the same page in terms of maturation?

It just has to be taken into account in the couple’s counseling and by the couple themselves. You don’t really know how it’s going to affect the couple, but you have to look at it. Another big difference between straight and gay couples is sexual compatibility. With man and woman, it’s a given. With gay couples, it’s different. A top isn’t somebody who tops a lot, it’s somebody who is psychologically hardwired to top. The same goes for bottom and versatile. A bottom is someone who naturally desires surrender, and a top is someone who naturally desires to care for their partner.

I’m curious. Do you believe that versatility is sort of a fake stepping stone, like some people claim bisexuality to be?

That’s interesting that you make that analogy because I actually make that analogy in the book [laughs]. Someone who is versatile isn’t someone who bottoms and tops. Someone who is truly versatile is someone who is hardwired to bottom and top, and isn’t satisfied from doing just one.

Open relationships…healthy or unhealthy?

Men are naturally going to have sex. We’re very sexual. Sometimes the desire for sex goes outside of the relationship. People say that being open destroys relationships. That’s both true and not true. It only destroys the relationship if you’re not open with each other. During my practice, I’ve found that by the time they’re finished talking to me about what they’ve been hiding, they’re both more interested in each other. They’re afraid to talk about it.

Dr. Leight’s book Sex Happens is available now. Visit marriagecounselingformen.org/sexhappens for more information.

Local artist Valyn Calhoun has had a rough time in 2013. He was diagnosed with AIDS on December 28, 2012, and his life changed forever. However, coming to terms with his sexual addiction (he admits there were multiple partners a day) and his newly contracted virus wasn’t the difficult part. I sat down with the local photographer to talk about his addiction to sex and his upcoming exhibit in West Palm Beach.

As a sex addict, how has sex affected your life and career? Do you think that it’s made you the person you are today, or has it hindered you?

In a way it’s hard to know who I would have been had sex never been such a big part of my life. I think, like everything, it has both hindered me at times while also going me the inspiration needed for my art career.

Following your HIV contraction, how has your life changed? Do you feel that it has affected your art?

I’ve become much more realistic in my goals. Since sexuality was always a pervasive theme in my art, it has definitely taken me a while to get my “flow” back. It’s like I have this new place to draw inspiration from I just haven’t quite figured out how to yet.

I’ve seen you post some upsetting things on your Facebook page regarding the stigma of being HIV positive. People criticizing you, judging you, etc. How has it affected your sex and personal life?

Unfortunately the majority of harsh criticism I receive about my status is from the gay community. Men seem to think I’m either untouchable or a free-for-all. I find myself more cynical and guarded about dating and sex than ever before.

Do you still consider yourself a sex addict?

Thankfully, no. I still have days that I can feel the compulsion but I am now able to recognize it for what it is.

If you could have sex with one person (alive or dead), who would it be?

I’d totally bang Jesus. Or Kurt Cobain.

Who or what is your current source of inspiration?

I find inspiration in the darker aspects of life. In nightmares, sad days, lost chances. Somehow, if I am able to capture an emotion like that, I feel like I have it under my control.

What can people expect from your upcoming exhibit?

This exhibit will give people the chance to see my body of work leading up to my diagnosis and some images taken of me by Rita Baum after the fact. It is rare that the muse and artist can switch roles so easily and that is a big part of my upcoming show. People can expect sexuality, dark emotions, bright colors and twisted thoughts.

Do you have any advice for any young members of the LGBT community?

Go for your dreams. Don’t wait to get bad news to grab life by the balls. Be yourself. Don’t edit yourself.

Valyn Calhoun’s new exhibit will be on view until September 27. ActivistArtistA Gallery. 422 W Industrial Ave, Boynton Beach, 33426.