Relationships: Whether we like it or “not,” we are the product of them, born into them and our lives defined by them. The word almost sounds soothing to the ears. Even the individual words that combine to form the new word—“relation” and “ships”—seem happy and smooth-sailing. But, just wait until you are onboard.

Our primary relationships (with our parents) help to form our personality and our attitude towards our other life connections. Many mental health professionals, me included, believe that a turbulent and rough relationship with our parents sets the tone for the other relationships developed along our personal journey.

If you are involved in a good relationship, everything is hunky-dory. There is little conflict and the boat ride progresses easily to its destination of bliss and satisfaction.

But what about the relationships that are rough and tempestuous?

Relationships can provide many benefits. They can offer companionship, security, romance, and support. They can also be riddled with mixed messages, communication breakdowns, disappointments, misunderstandings, and conflict. Some partners have a difficult time expressing their needs to each other. Arguments or disagreement may follow, but they may have positive or negative consequences. I believe that a “fair fight” or “heated discussion” can produce a positive outcome if both parties use this opportunity to resolve that issue.

A negative outcome might include one partner sulking or tuning out the other partner’s concerns. Words of disrespect may be expressed, and the parties stop listening to each other. My experience has been that, no matter what the argument is about, it is typically doesn’t represent the real issue.

Here are some suggestions to find successful solutions to relationship conflict:

1. Try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Tell yourself, “I care about this person. This issue is really bothering them. How can I make it better?”
2. Discover the real reason why your friend/partner/family member is upset, in a nurturing and non-accusing manner.
3. Remember that this disagreement is not the end of the relationship, but possibly a new beginning or means to real understanding.
4. Take responsibility in the creation of conflict, and try to reach some kind of settlement or compromise.
5. If appropriate, introduce some humor into the conversation to lighten the mood.
6. If the conflict is too extreme, try to agree to disagree.
7. Talk respectfully to each other without foul language or demeaning undertones.
8. Accept that there is a problem and try to make a plan to solve it.
9. Prepare to forgive the other person.

It’s important to realize that you may be willing to sever a relationship over an issue that can be mutually settled with ease and calm. Is it worth giving up a great friend, supportive family member, or a loving partner because you weren’t willing to hear their side of things?

Howard M. Cohen, M.S. is a Wilton Manors-based Registered Mental Health Counseling Intern.

The word “moderation” usually comes to mind when we are talking about food and obesity. It sounds like the lose-weight-in-a-healthy-way type of advice, but it does not seem to be connected with other good things in our life. Can you have too much love that will bring pain into your life, or can you have too much kindness? Can you have too much faith and can you be too health-conscious? It seems that moderation is not always needed, isn’t it?

It is difficult to stay moderate in the present world because we have such an abundance of pleasures and opportunities that are so easily accessible. We can eat exotic fruit from all over the world, we can buy a lot of toys for ourselves, we can travel anywhere we want to (well, almost anywhere), we can help people with a touch of a button (donating to charities online), we can pamper ourselves and we can afford so many other things.

We are constantly stimulated with new pleasures that bring happiness into our lives. But what happens when the “high” effect is gone? You need more stimulants to feel good and at a certain point simple pleasures that are available in everyday life do not work anymore. You lose the ability to be happy just because you are healthy and you had a decent day at work.

Here are 6 values of moderation that I find vital for balanced living:

1. You can experience more joy and happiness.
2. You will be healthy.
3. Moderation leads to financial stability and balance.
4. Moderation gives clarity in life.
5. Moderation leads to spirituality.
6. Moderation brings your life in balance.

Here are 11 suggestions for achieving moderation:

1. Reconnect with your senses.
2. Get reacquainted with your attention span.
3. Stop multitasking and be present in the moment.
4. Take a fast from stimulation.
5. Delay your gratification.
6. Choose your thoughts wisely.
7. Adopt a balanced lifestyle.
8. Dispense with the bad habits.
9. Be appreciative of all the good things that have come your way in life.
10. Positive thoughts trigger positive actions.
11. Focus on your personal power.

Adhering to the above tips, could not only help you in achieving moderation in life, but more importantly, make your life better and more fulfilling. A richer, fuller life can be within anyone’s grasp—but only if you are willing to stay motivated throughout your life’s exciting journey. Take action today to reap a rich harvest tomorrow.

Moderation is not always easy but it is vital for balanced living. Moderation requires work and willpower, and it is a constant process of self-growth. I am choosing this path because this is the right road for me. Is it for you?

“Be moderate in order to taste the joys of life in abundance.” Epicurus

Keep it balanced!

Howard M. Cohen is a South Florida-based Registered Mental Health Counseling Intern.