Gossip is an unconstrained and most often derogatory conversation about other people. It can involve betraying a confidence, spreading sensitive information or making hurtful judgments. Gossip can be truly injurious to someone’s life and, in this litigious society, the perpetrator could find himself in court!

Watch the movie “The Children’s Hour” with Audrey Hepburn and Shirley MacLaine. A vicious rumor spewed by a spoiled, unhappy girl causes an unspeakable tragedy and ruins the lives of at least three people. It was way ahead of its time.

Habitual gossipers have very high levels of anxiety. They are generally unpopular because they become known as gossipers and untrustworthy.

Spreading private information or negative judgments is very painful to others, reflecting poorly upon the character of the person gossiping. There are many reasons people gossip:

• To feel superior. People with poor self-esteem temporarily feel better by making disparaging remarks about others.

• Out of boredom. When people can’t generate thought-provoking discussions based on knowledge or ideas, gossip can pique other’s interest.

• Out of envy. This is a big one. People gossip in order to hurt those they perceive as being more popular, more talented or having a better lifestyle that thy envy.

• To feel like part of the group. People gossip to feel as though they belong to the group. Yet, when acceptance is based on being “in on a secret,” it is not based on a person’s identity, but on cruel exclusion or maliciousness.

• For attention. A person gets to be the temporary center of attention. Yet, spreading gossip and rumors is like buying attention: It’s only temporary and has no foundation. This person is not remembered as trustworthy and people will be very reluctant to confide in him or her.

• Out of anger or unhappiness. A person can derive a sense of retribution with disparaging remarks, but their motive is transparent to any wise person.

It’s not always gossip when people talk about others. It’s natural to be curious about what’s going on in others’ lives. The key is to look at the intent in discussing other people and their relationships. Is the goal to understand the actions of another person or to improve the quality of life and relationships? Is there a genuine concern present, or is it just drama? People often need to vent about troubles and issues in their relationships, with co-workers, families and life in general. It doesn’t take a genius to know what someone’s motive is. Is the gossiper’s intent purely to feel a sense of superiority or get attention with disparaging remarks?

How can you diffuse unwelcome gossip? It’s important not to fuel the gossiper with curiosity, agreement, and further questions. It’s best to change the subject with statements like; “I notice you talk about John a lot. I’m curious why he interests you so much” or “Let’s look at it from John’s side” or even “I feel uncomfortable listening to negative judgments about John unless we figure out how to help him”.

If someone feels compelled to tell you something another person has said about you, that person who allegedly made the comment isn’t hurting you. It’s the one telling you! With some exceptions, they have some clandestine agenda shrouded in their not-so-forthright motives.

The conclusion is: Gossipers show others his or her insecurity and mean spiritedness. This leaves a bad taste in everyone’s mouth, as if they had just eaten a bad apple. Ultimately, insight into the intricacies of human relations is more interesting, uplifting, constructive and enlightening than caustic one-dimensional judgments and damaging rumors.

We are all tempted to gossip. When you feel that temptation, first and foremost, think of the “Golden Rule”. How would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot; what really, if anything, especially positive will come of the nasty comments? The adage “If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all,” holds true.

Instead of judging, be grateful you’re not the person, being gossiped about. If you’re the audience of a gossiper, take head. Associating with this person puts you at risk of being seen in a bad light. And, don’t think you’re immune from their venom. You could be their next target!

Michael French, is Agenda’s Home from Home columnist. Contact Michael at mf7954fla@gmail.com

There are few emotions more compelling than the feeling of “going home”.  “Home” has a particular meaning to each of us.

Home is more than the four walls where you rest, sleep, recharge your spirit and body. It’s where you work, play and where you feel you belong.

“Home” immediately conjures up the image of a safe haven, bringing to the surface feelings akin to what the womb must have felt like – warm, secure, cared for, and a sense of belonging to something greater than oneself. I was, and still am, privileged, because I live, work and play where I call “home”.

For people who cannot imagine – or better yet, live in – such a place, there is an elusive yearning – a “homeless” feeling, like a ship that sails the seas with no charted course, floating aimlessly, never finding a harbor in which to drop its anchor; or a bird flying over an endless sea searching for a place to nest but not finding one.

I love to travel for the exhilarating sense of discovery, expanding my horizons, meeting interesting people and the anonymity it provides. There remains, though, just under the surface of all that excitement, the comfort of knowing I have a place to call “home!” and I look forward to returning there. No matter how many times I have seen the sparkling azure coast of South Florida from a plane window, I still feel that comforting warmth in my heart, because I know I’m home. I strain my eyes and wrench my neck trying to spot my house, office, favorite beach, friends’ houses, or even where I get my groceries – all familiar places, with people in them who I’m looking forward to seeing. It’s a satisfying recognition that the small boy within me is still very alive and in need of that kind of reassurance. “Home is where the heart is,” as the saying goes. That is why even, as we move on to allegedly bigger and better things – careers, marriage, etc., the longing for one’s childhood “home” persists. One could be “houseless,” but as long as we are fortunate enough to have people around us – embrace us with nourishing support and love – we are never homeless. Actually, in the dark winters of our lives, many of us continue to draw strength from our young formative years; and in the twilight of our years, when our memory becomes as capricious as the weather, memories of “home” remain as if they happened yesterday.

When I turn the knob to my front door and open it, my dogs, all four of them, tails wagging like metronomes out of control, rush to greet me with genuine happiness as if I had been away for years instead of a few days or weeks. The magazines are still exactly where I left them, as are the few things I forgot to bring with me. The scent of patchouli incense I habitually burn still lingers in the air.

Then, as I walk past the wall with so many photos of times gone by, together with family and friends, I instantly feel safe, secure and loved.

I pause for a moment, say “hello” to all of them, and, with a huge involuntary smile, think “It’s good to be “home!”

It’s very clear that “home” has little to do with structure, bricks and mortar or the “stuff” we fill it with. The often inexplicable feeling of “home” has everything to do with the spirit which lives there.

Michael French, is Agenda’s Home from Home columnist. Contact Michael at mf7954fla@gmail.com

Hardly a day passes without more doom and gloom about home foreclosures. Florida, as home owners know all too well, is suffering through a devastating and prolonged housing slump. Foreclosures only add fuel to the housing crisis fire, furthering the devaluation of our homes. Some predictions forecast another 5 years of tumbling home values.

You have to live somewhere! Our home is the most important investment most of us will ever make. Don’t surrender and just walk away from it!

Do you love your home? Do you want to save your home? There is help out there. You just have to be prudent, patient and persistent.
Television and radio is rife with law firms and other companies advertising their ability to prevent you from losing your home. As with anything, some firms are more qualified than others and there are less than scrupulous entities preying on desperate home owners.

What should you do if you think or you know you are in danger of losing your home? First, and foremost, call your lender. Do not wait to receive an acceleration or foreclosure notice. Do not avoid phone calls or notifications. Communicate your situation to them.

The lender does not want to have your home back. They may offer you plans and solutions. Listen carefully and take notes.

There are ways to escape having your home foreclosed on. Some are private and others are government sponsored.

The Federal government has created programs during the past 3 years to help Florida’s homeowners keep their homes out of foreclosure. For your own piece of mind, do some research on the reputation of the firm you are considering hiring to assist you with your foreclosure defense. Most attorneys will give you a free consultation. Their fees vary and are usually not very expensive. It’s worth the investment.

There are criteria to meet for qualification of a home loan modification. On occasion, the regulations governing the modifications change. Some typical requirements are:
• Must be a Florida resident;
• Must occupy property as primary residence (the property cannot be vacant, abandoned or rented);
• Borrower/co-borrower must be unemployed or underemployed through no fault of his/her own, which makes the first mortgage unaffordable;
• Must have documented total household income at or below 140% of the area median income (AMI), adjusted for household size;
• Must have an active checking/
savings account;
• The current mortgage must be
serviced by a participating lender, who agrees to accept payments on behalf of the homeowner;
• The mortgage must not be more than 180 days past due at the time of application; and
• The loan must have been originated on or before January 1, 2009, and have a principal balance of less than $400,000.

This list is not all inclusive; other information and documents may be required prior to determining eligibility.
One program is the Florida Hardest Hit Fund for HHF financial assistance. www.FLHardestHitHelp.org.

Michael French, is Agenda’s Home from Home columnist. Contact Michael at mf7954fla@gmail.com

Are you desperately needing an in-home retreat?

Did you ever dream of being able to go to a spa whenever the mood hit you? It sounds like it’s about time to transform your blah bathroom into a serene spa.

Luxurious spas abound in Florida. One visit could cost a week’s pay and/or only be used exclusively by members of the country clubs where they are often found. Instead, invest the money you’d plunk down at a spa and create your very own at home. Not only will you have a haven you’ll be able to relax in anytime your heart desires, you’ll increase the value of your home. These days who doesn’t want to feel their home has more value?

Create your own spa? Yes, a spa!

A clean-lined, clutter-free, completely calming atmosphere that acts as your own personal sanctuary and getaway can be yours!
For materials, look to E-Bay, Craig’s List, E-Gravy.com, Habitat for Humanity stores and thrift shops for great bargains. You can save hundreds, maybe thousands.

The key to creating a soothing space is to ensure a full body experience versus just getting clean in an aesthetically pleasing space, but still extremely functional.

First, clear out the clutter. You’ll never see a spa with countless bottles and products scattered on the surfaces. Making and keeping spaces organized and having a place for everything lessens anxiety and creates an instantly calming atmosphere. Look for high-quality countertop containers that will enhance and compliment your overall design. Glass, of most any color, tends to add an airy, elegant and clean feeling.

Enhance that “escape” feeling with calming colors. Most spas choose warm neutrals because these colors are very restful. Earthy tones make people feel safe. Whites lend a clean, fresh and pure tone. Pastels of soft greens, blues or yellows can be very soothing. Avoid primary colors. They are exciting, but this isn’t the effect you want in a calming retreat. You’ll want a paint with a yellow, pink or blue undertone because they will flatter your skin, depending on its tone. Dark walls look better with lighter flooring, lighter walls with darker flooring.

Bringing nature into your bathroom will help restore your sense of serenity and bring that “Zen” feel to your spa. Flooring, furniture, fixtures and decor reminiscent of nature, such as deep, rich woods, natural stones and bamboo, all add color and texture. Incorporate a variety of textures. Combine exotic woods, tumbled marble and limestone.

Include plants. Besides brightening any room, plants add to making a space healthier with their oxygen-releasing function. Spider, snake plants and the bamboo palm actually decrease the level of some airborne volatile organic toxins (VOC). The right plants will thrive in the humidity of the space. Have a less than green thumb? Choose pathos, Boston ferns or the cast iron plant. Orchids are great for a spa, but just make sure there’s enough light.

Lighting is everything! Strive for soft lighting. Use dimmers and as much natural light as possible. Skylights are great. Don’t forget candles – no spa should be without them. A light, clean scent or no scent is preferred. Candle light flatters any skin tone.
Invest in a heated towel rack. Warm towels after a bath, even in Florida, only add to that cozy spa feeling. Add a wall mounted CD player. Soothing music further enhances the experience.

In the shower, use a rain shower head and, if the budget permits, install a steam unit and put in a radiant heated bench for even more relaxation.

For finishing touches, don’t forget aromatherapy. Lavender is calming, while peppermint is invigorating. Splurge on luxurious linens that you can wrap yourself in and maybe even someone else in with you!

Voila! There you have it. The right combination of soothing colors, natural textures and materials, decadent decor , soft lighting, sensual mood music and more, all focused on creating a total spa experience in the comfort of your own home, will not only soothe your overworked body and mind, whenever your heart desires, it will – without a doubt – add a huge spark of romance!

Ahhhh!

Michael French, is Agenda’s Home from Home columnist. Contact Michael at mf7954fla@gmail.com

Photo: The Salvador Dali museum in lovely  St. Petersburg, FL

Every cloud has a silver lining.  This recession’s silver lining might be the development of the “Staycation.” (The neologism was added in the 2009 Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary.)

There are benefits to a staycation. A staycation gives you more hands-on control and offers less opportunity for things to go terribly wrong; lost luggage and inexplicable delays are avoided. A staycation gives you the chance to try out fun local activities during off-peak hours when everyone else is at work.

Skip the long lines and spend more time having fun. The money you spend during your staycation will go to support the local economy, which is nothing to sneeze at during a recession. (Isn’t that where it’s needed most anyway?) Make an extra effort to try local, privately-owned restaurants, shops and attractions you’ve overlooked. Ever felt “I need a vacation from my vacation?” If the point of a vacation is to relax, why does it often seem many of us spend more of our vacation zooming from place to place exhausting ourselves? A staycation cuts down on travel time and lets us spend the bulk of our holiday relaxing.  On a staycation, you can take a day off from adventure and just stay home. You avoid travel-related stress and can be more flexible. A lot of the stress of travel comes from feeling you’re overspending. While you’ll still spend money on your staycation, you’ll feel more relaxed with a smaller budget and unexpected expenses are less likely.

Make a sincere effort not to fill your staycation with getting things done around the house, etc.; you’ll end up feeling you wasted your vacation and return to work as if you never took the time off.

Floridians are lucky. We have the privilege of living where millions around the world are only able to dream of visiting. Hordes of tourists from the four corners of the globe vacation here to enjoy what too many of us forget or take for granted. From Pensacola to Naples on the west coast, Jacksonville to Key West on the east coast, and scores of interesting cities in between, Florida has something for everyone. Of course, we can’t forget Orlando with its mega-theme parks.

Mother Nature has been extremely  generous to Florida – Florida has more miles of fantastic beaches than any state. South Beach, Pensacola, Siesta Key and Bahia Honda State Park in the Keys place among the best beaches in the country – even the world – every year. She’s been blessed with the Everglades, spectacular coral reefs in the Keys and stunning sunsets.

Besides gorgeous beaches, there are unique nature centers, historical monuments, the Kennedy Space Center and world class museums like the Dali
in St Petersburg, with the largest collection of Salvador Dali’s creations outside of Spain. There are endless adventures to explore right here in our own backyard. Seventy five million visitors a year part with billions of their hard earned cash to spend their cherished vacations here. Do they know something we, as Floridians, don’t know, even though this is our home?

Imagine Florida through the eyes of a visitor. Hopefully you’ll gratefully rediscover her and all the wonders she offers you not just when you’re on vacation, but all year long. Most importantly, have fun! Make a “bucket list” of things you’ve wanted to do close to home but have never done and DO them!

Calling Florida “Home” is our beautiful reality and just a faraway fantasy to those millions that would love to walk in our shoes.

Michael French, is Agenda’s Home from Home columnist. Contact Michael at mf7954fla@gmail.com

You’re having a house guest come for a visit. Living in Florida almost guarantees having an overnight house guest at some point. Whether family or friends, you want to be sure they are comfortable and have a good time. The key to being a gracious host is to ensure that your houseguests are comfortable and feel even a little pampered.

Imagine You’re the Guests

If you were the guests visiting at your house, what would make your stay just right? Walk through your house, with special attention to the guest bedroom, bathroom, kitchen and living room. Imagine being a guest in your house. What items and touches would be convenient and welcoming? … Room by room.

The Guest Room

Wherever your guests will sleep, this room is the most important. Just as staying in a hotel, you would want the bed to be comfy. So check the bed. Choose pillows of varying firmness, as some people prefer firm pillows to soft ones. If the weather is cold, an electric blanket or quilt is welcoming.

Next to the bed, a reading light, alarm clock and tissues are essential. Extras could include a CD player with some nice music selections, fresh flowers in a vase, and reading material.

Houseguests need some space for their travel clothes and items. Be sure that the guest room is cleared of clutter before they arrive and has ample closet space with hangers.

Extras that an especially gracious host could provide would include a clean bathrobe, disposable slippers, a pad and pen, and a TV in the room with a remote.

The Guest Bathroom

Some items are essential for a host to provide. Clean towels, bath-size as well as hand towels and washcloths, are necessary for any guest’s comfort. Be sure that the towels are not so fancy that a guest would be afraid to get them wet or dirty.

Be sure that the bathroom wastebasket is clean and that extra toilet paper and  tissues are easily accessible. Don’t be shy about showing guests where you keep the extra toilet paper and tissues. A guest might feel embarrassed asking for a replacement roll after using the last piece, or finding the roll empty. A good host never wants a guest to feel embarrassed.

Extras that a gracious host could provide would include sample shampoos, hair conditioners, toothpaste and lotions in a small basket, along with cotton swabs, nail clippers, shave cream, hair spray or gel and mouthwash.

The Kitchen

Put either a pitcher of water or bottled water in the refrigerator along with an assortment of juices and let guests know they’re there. Have a bowl of fruit and some assorted snacks in a basket or bowl on the counter, and be sure to tell the houseguests that these are for them. It is also nice to have some assorted cereals, or pastries out for guests. Assorted teas,and coffee for brewing also make houseguests feel welcome. Houseguests don’t wish to leave a mess, so talking to them about what to do with their used dishes can help them feel at ease.

The Living Room

Make sure it is clean and that there are cozy blankets or throws on the couch, and an assortment of videos and books put out for the guests to choose from.

The walk-through and making a list of guest amenities for each room that your guests will enjoy are the keys to a successful time hosting houseguests.

“Here, at whatever hour you come, you will find light, help, and human kindness.”
– Albert Schweitzer.

Michael French, is Agenda’s Home from Home columnist. Contact Michael at mf7954fla@gmail.com

With our gasping, struggling economy and Florida’s real estate market, still stuck in reverse, most home owners, are realizing they will be in their homes for the foreseeable future.

Don’t let it get you down. Look at the up side. Mortgage interest, is still a tax deduction. It’s your house! You can paint it purple with black stripes if you want or knock all the walls down to have just one room like a loft. In what other part of your life do you have that many choices or control?

Why not give your home a facelift? Reinventing anything can be an exciting and rewarding experience.

Refreshing your home doesn’t have to be expensive or overwhelming.

Whether it’s a sketch on a cocktail napkin or full-blown architectural plans, some type of planning and design always comes first. Prioritize what’s important you and the area of your home where you want to focus the renovation.

Ensure that you have funding. Be realistic! Actually, it’s better to somewhat over estimate the cost of your renovation. Better to have too much than not enough and will save you from disappointment.

Draw up a simple “yes/no” list of do it yourself projects. Don’t be intimidated by doing things yourself! With some insight, patience and elbow grease, you can have quite a bit of fun too. Learning is always beneficial. Knowledge is power! Besides saving lots of cash, you’ll discover hidden talents about yourself. You’ll also have a great sense of satisfaction knowing you gave your home a new look, with your own hands, exactly the way you wanted to, and, without relying on someone else. Who knows, you may discover you really like doing this kind of thing. It may lead to extra income or even a career change!

It’s very important to have the right tools. The right tool for the job ensures the best results but saves cash because the chance of having to do anything over is vastly reduced. Don’t buy a tile saw just for one project. Go and rent one! When you’re done it goes back to the store, and you’ve saved money and space in your garage. Craig’s list or pawnshops are great sources for used tools.
Do not tackle structural, electric or plumbing projects if you are not skilled. Mistakes are very expensive and can be extremely dangerous.

Get recommendations for contractors from sites on the internet or friends and family, for projects you cannot do yourself. Always make sure the contractor is licensed! Even if he/she shows you one, go to www.myflorida.com and check for the license’s validity. Also, ask to see proof of being bonded and at least insured! These are musts! Never, never pay the total cost of the project up front! This cannot be overemphasized. Typically, agree to give a 20-30 percent down payment in the beginning, another 30 percent midway, and the final payment after you are satisfied with the results. Also, for obvious reasons do not agree to pay anyone by the hour unless the contractor has already computed the hours prior to the beginning of the project and agreed to a price.

The least expensive facelifts are painting, wall paper and refinishing furniture, mirror frames etc. Anyone addicted to immediate gratification will love the speed and results of both. Instead of buying new furniture, the thrift shops, Craig’s List and Habitat for Humanity stores are chock full of incredible buys!

A friend of mine recently purchased a sleek, Italian leather sofa, chair and ottoman for $300! He reinvented his living room, dining room and master bedroom for under $1500.00! All of it looks brand new and would have cost over $7000 at a retail store.

We are limited only by creativity, imagination and our bank account. While cash on hand is limited, imagination is infinitely unlimited. Use your own sense of style and build the castle you call home.

Michael French, is Agenda’s Home from Home columnist. Contact Michael at mf7954fla@gmail.com

None of us will be spared what can seem an overwhelmingly unbearable emotion – grief.

The “Grim Reaper” has always been an equal opportunity heart breaker. He’s practiced diversity since the beginning of time. This hooded harvester of life picks who he wants, when he wants to, often with no warning. No matter what the circumstances we are not prepared for grief because we really don’t know how we will feel.

We grieve from the passing of people we love, pets, or heroes, because they stood for positive change in our world. We grieve from a sense of betrayal, the loss of a relationship or employment. Grief is very personal. As insurmountable as it can feel, grief is actually a very necessary, healthy healing process.

There are five commonly accepted stages of grief that most people go through following a serious loss: Denial & Isolation, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance. Some become mired in one of the first four stages. Life can be very painful until they find the strength to move to the fifth – and the most elusive – stage: Acceptance.

Denial comes from shock and disbelief. It’s imperative to not deny grief. Denial only adds to the emotional trauma, delays acceptance and, ultimately, recovery. Withdrawal is common during this phase. Try to keep your social contacts close. Anger maybe directed at the person,  living or deceased, who inflicted the pain we suffer. Anger can also be directed at him/herself for letting the event take place, even if realistically, nothing could have stopped it. Depression, natural during grief, but still an insidious happiness bandit, can leave one feeling numb, with anger and sadness lying under its veneer. Bargaining may be attempted with God, asking, “If I do this or don’t do that, will you take the pain away?” Acceptance takes the longest. It arrives when sadness and mourning have tapered off, and the reality of the loss’s finality has been acknowledged. During grief, conflicting emotions are common. Sorrow, loneliness, guilt, anxiety are companions of serious loss. Suppressing or denying these feelings thwart working through the stages of grief and places great stress on the body and mind.

Grief is extremely personal. Each person endures and survives grief in their own way. Barring physically or emotionally harmful behavior, like burying sorrow in drugs or alcohol, uncontrolled anger or succumbing to depression, there’s no right or wrong way to endure grief.

Don’t give in to the pressure of other’s expectations of how you should grieve. Grief, especially for caregivers, can begin long before someone dies. When someone you love is going to die and you are given the luxurious privilege of choosing your last memory, seize it! It is a gift you will treasure for the rest of your life. I know this to be true from personal experience.

We cannot stop grieving over those who are deceased. The only way to do that would be if they returned. Each of us learns at our own pace to continue living, keeping memories alive, taking strength from them and being grateful for the fond memories brought to your life by the person or pet. With time, grief becomes easier to bear. It will remain, becoming part of you, like wearing a ring or glasses, but you get used to it, and that’s a good thing. It’s “good” because it makes sure you never forget.

Finally, don’t ever hold back tears. Tears have cleansing powers. They are more a symbol of strength than weakness. An open window to your heart, tears, like a genuine smile, show emotional honesty. They universally convey strong emotion. Silently, they speak words we sometimes can’t even whisper. Tears, the water from our souls, quench a thirst to express our emotions. They flow from a well of sadness and, paradoxically, joy, too!

Now go TELL, NOT TEXT, someone you love that you do!

Though nothing can bring back the hour of Splendor in the grass, of glory in the flower. We will grieve not, but rather find
Strength in what remains behind. – From the movie: “Splendor in the Grass”

Michael French, is Agenda’s Home from Home columnist. Contact Michael at mf7954fla@gmail.com

“Grateful,” as defined by Webster’s, is “feeling or showing appreciation of kindness; thankful”.

During the twists and turns of the day, some of us are tempted to feel overwhelmed by what’s “wrong” with life instead of taking stock and being grateful for the good we experience each day. The longer we live, the more ups and downs we will have. Our perception of life’s daily routine, events (those planned or unexpected), each triumph and defeat, dictate their impact on our emotional and physiological health. Life is a roller coaster full of peaks and valleys.

Too many of us focus on the things we want to achieve in life, the things we have not yet achieved, and/or the things we do not yet have. We chase after them, gripe about not having them and wish we had what we think we don’t have. We wonder when we will get what we think we lack, and scheme to have it. It is all well and good to have goals, to visualize and work towards them, but it is critically important to your happiness and health to take time and appreciate what’s good in your life and what you have already accomplished.

Gratitude is under-rated and under-utilized. To quench our thirst, we turn the faucet and we have clean water to drink; we want light and we flick a switch; when we’re hungry, we open the refrigerator to find a cornucopia of choices to fill our belly. Do you take all that for granted or do  you quietly remind yourself there are more than a billion people we share this planet with who don’t have those luxuries? When someone lets you in a line of traffic, holds the door for you or compliments you, do you glibly ignore this random act of kindness with an indifferent, obtuse sense of entitlement? Or, do you bask in the moment of this positive experience that you should feel grateful to have come your way? When your partner treats you wonderfully in every way but leaves the cap off the toothpaste, do you forget the romantic dinner he lovingly prepared for you the night before and make sure you admonish him for that more than you showed your gratitude for the delicious meal? When you aren’t grateful for the positives in your life, and acts of kindness are taken for granted or ignored like some leaf blowing down the street, you are missing out on an important component of happiness. Why? Being grateful immediately increases your satisfaction with life and allows you to feel happier. In turn, you will accomplish more because you won’t be anchored down by negative thoughts. Instead, you’ll be more likely to let your heart and mind set sail. Focusing on things to be grateful and appreciative for reminds us of our priorities and what is fundamentally important in our lives.

Showing gratitude is healthy; it’s easier to be thankful. Practicing gratitude and thankfulness is good for your blood pressure, a foe of bulge encouraging cortisol, a friend of anti-aging, inside and out. Gratitude, like misery, is contagious. You do feel better when you act grateful.  Demonstrating your feeling of gratitude, send a hand-written (yes, the kind for which one uses a pen!) and write a “Thank You” note for a gift, favor, dinner party or, heaven forbid, ”just because”! You can make a real difference in some else’s day, giving them a reason to feel grateful by letting them know they are appreciated. Pay attention to the uplifting impact on your mood when you feel thankful and when you show your thankfulness. Doing so makes you a kinder and more likable human being. Wearing a smile of gratefulness is very attractive. You’ll be surprised at the results.

There are very few things in life that have the power to encourage, inspire, provide peace of mind and bring happiness all at the same time. Being overtly grateful is one of them.

This is an old cliché, but its message holds true, now more than ever. “Stop and smell the roses!”

Do it every day! You’ll be grateful.

Michael French, is Agenda’s Home from Home columnist. Contact Michael at mf7954fla@gmail.com

Dining out until the recent past was primarily reserved for celebrating life’s events, like Mother’s Day and Valentine’s Day. Frantic schedules leave many of us with little spare time or desire to cook a meal. Eating at restaurants has become a lifestyle, especially in Florida. Newspapers and magazines are rife with reviews of restaurants’ atmospheres, cuisine and service. However, I don’t recall reading many articles about how diners should behave in a restaurant.

Know anyone you dread going out to dinner with because their behavior and attitude makes you want to crawl under the table? I do – poor manners combined with their bloated sense of entitlement (i.e., cannot let the server pass by without wanting something, or complain about the smallest thing that isn’t exactly what they demanded). It seems they aren’t happy unless they can victimize themselves. Neediness, high maintenance, rudeness, etc.; these ingredients are a recipe for a not very “tasty” dinner. Drama at the dinner table is unacceptable, especially when you’re paying 50 bucks for a steak only to have heartburn for dessert! When someone is nice to you but rude to a server or bartender, this is not the conduct of an authentically kind person. Why? This sort of individual is a bully because they are being disrespectful to the server, etc., who they assume is not typically free to defend him or herself from fear of losing their tip or even their job. It appears too many people view the server as their personal “servant” during the time they are in the restaurant. The difference between the definition of server and servitude has, sadly, blurred. The cliché “the customer is always right,” besides being far from correct, doesn’t give people license to be inappropriate. Patrons need to remember, they are buying the product, not the person. Receiving proper value for the price, served with politeness in a timely, professional manner is all any body should feel entitled to expect. Oh, there’s that word, entitled!

One can have a delicious meal and great service without being demanding. First and foremost, don’t forget the “Golden Rule!” Just because you’re paying for the dinner does not excuse forgetting this universal truth. Being courteous will vastly improve your chances of getting exactly what you want. Restaurant personnel are more likely to go out of their way to please you when you show respect for them.

Being a demanding, high maintenance and condescending boor will get you nothing but the bare minimum of service, at best. The movie “Waiting,” though an exaggeration, is a comedic take on the restaurant business but does send a message of “beware” if you mistreat service personnel.

It’s very easy to have a superbly memorable dining experience without being demanding.

Other than the “Golden Rule”, let’s start with two simple words which are very effective: “please” and “thank you”. Remember them? Make eye contact with the server. Listen when they describe the menu. Say “I”d like to have,” not “I want”. Don’t say “Tell the chef.” A server “telling” the chef is like confronting a pit bull on steroids. Refrain from tearing a dish apart, substituting facets of the dish until it doesn’t even resemble what the chef took great pains to create. Go to a restaurant that has a dish you will order without changing anything about it! Save the server and kitchen staff a lot of grief. Never tap the glass, point instead of speaking, snap your fingers or pull on the server’s clothing. Maybe a few visits to a therapist will stave off your chest pounding power trips when you go to restaurants.

Don’t punish the server with a bad tip if the steak is tough, or the wine isn’t “big” enough. He or she made neither. Tip them fairly, according to their attitude and service panache. A well-deserved good tip equals 20% or more.

The ingredients of class, grace, courtesy, empathy, patience, basic good manners and a dash or humility make a great recipe for an enjoyable restaurant experience. Your dining companions, server, taste buds and blood pressure will thank you. Bon appetit.

Michael French, is Agenda’s Home from Home columnist. Contact Michael at mf7954fla@gmail.com