By RICHARD HACK / BALTIMORE, Md. — Tom Luchsinger, the fastest U.S. swimmer in the butterfly stroke, announced he was gay this week in a letter published in OutSports. According to Luchsinger, his personal struggle with his sexual orientation has taken its psychological toll.

“For as long as I can remember I tried to repress my feelings through athletics. I tried to hide who I was through medals and accomplishments,” Luchsinger said.  “I tried to pray away my sexuality. I tried to shower it off. Nothing ever worked. After years of stress, hate, and disgust toward myself, I have come to accept who I am. I am a proud gay man living my life the best way I know how, surrounded by people who love and support me!”

According to Luchsinger, he harbored demons that would shout inside his mind, “”You’re a fag. You’re a queen. You’re undeserving of love. You’re never going to amount to anything.”

He was full of self-hatred. “I look at my physique in the mirror,” he wrote. “Nothing seems good enough. My lower abs aren’t as defined as my upper abs, giving my middle section a strange and disproportioned look. My chest isn’t big enough for my wide frame. My back is so swayed that my teammates nicknamed me ‘spineless,’ something that feels pretty accurate as I live in silent shame.”

After revealing his sexuality to his parents, Luchsinger had a transformation of sorts, leading to the letter in OutSports.

“For years, my sexuality was the quality I was most ashamed of about myself,” he wrote.  “But now it seems that being gay is one of the characteristics I’m most proud of. I have accomplishments linked to my name that most heterosexual men will never have. I’ve overcome the fear of being rejected from the people I love the most.

“My friendships have gotten stronger because of my self acceptance. My smile is a lot more genuine and surfaces much more frequently. I laugh a lot more. My body has time to recover from a workout because I’m actually an easy-going person. I have found qualities-both physical and emotional-that I like about myself – though that’s still a work in progress. My number of good days far out number my bad days.

“I’m still the same person I have always been, just a hell of a lot better at it.”

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