Well, we’ve won. At least that’s the news headline trending on the Internet for the last few weeks. Even if the Supreme Court doesn’t knock down DOMA or Proposition 8, the court of public opinion has reached its own verdict, and gay marriage only seems like a matter of time. More amazing, an incredible Time magazine cover story proclaims, “Gay Marriage has Already Won”. No matter the outcome, in the past ten years the public’s view on same-sex marriage has done a complete 180 in our favor; it seems, if not today, certainly in the not too distant future, America will finally achieve marriage equality.

So if gay marriage is the holy grail of the gay rights movement, is the movement itself over? I thought of this last week when one of my graduated former students contacted me, asking for guidance in dealing with assimilation into gay culture. According to him, it was not only intimidating yet also confusing. What were the rules and how best to navigate this space? Over the years, many students had asked me about coming out, or how to find other gay guys, but this was the first time a graduate about to plunge forth into the adult gay community sought guidance. I was perplexed about what kind of advice to give. There are so many different facets to the community, so many negatives and positives for any new traveler venturing into the gayborhood to understand.

Searching for answers myself, I went to the Miami Beach Gay Pride Parade over the weekend. What better place than a pride parade to see all of the community’s predilections exaggerated, out in the open, and on full display? It was a startling celebration to be sure, one of the largest and grandest prides I’d ever attended. The entirety of Ocean Drive was blocked off, allowing the aggressively bare-chested muscled men, the shimmering drag queens, the hand-holding elder couples, the factions of Hispanic diesel street gays, and the strained chiseled abdomens space to dance, prance, and, inevitably, cruise.

Vendors along the beach entryway struggled for a semblance of a cohesive message, what with the Swinging Richards tent set up a few steps from an AIDS Pharmacy, or the gay church not far from the bathhouse’s table. This microcosm of gayness kept contradicting itself – a positive insomuch as that we’re branching out and allowing for all different types, yet certainly a confusing mish-mash of ideologies for any burgeoning youth trying to make heads or tails of their new future in this world.

The men’s posture and behavior alone spoke of some of these contradictions. Prides are notorious for fostering a party atmosphere alive with drugs, drunkenness, and unsafe sex. This one was no different. For every affectionate gay couple or sound professional stood drugged-out street boys or stumbling drunkards. The men also all seemed to conform to the traditional image pressures: designer bathing suits, jacked-up bodies, forthright body language, and a group mentality of predation. Certainly intimidating for any newcomer to the scene.

So what things could I say to my ex-student? For one, there are a lot of people looking out for him, more so than ever before. Strong political groups like the Human Rights Campaign and Equality Florida push positive messages. Support groups are numerous, including Safe Schools South Florida, college GSAs, and Pridelines. The community itself is incredibly diverse and accepting of all different types; this could be seen in the many different businesses promoting such events as the gay film festivals (Miami and Fort Lauderdale) or future prides in Wilton Manors and St. Pete. There are activities aplenty, ranging from Gay Disney to camping trips at Sawmill Campgrounds. The gay community has reached its pinnacle in terms of business acumen and organization.

But there are also many things to warn about. Gays are many times more likely to be alcoholics, drug addicts (the Center for American Progress found that 30% of the gay and transgender population abuse substances, as compared to the 9% from the heterosexual population), and unfortunately, suicide victims; gay youth are four times more likely to commit suicide based on a report of the Secretary’s Task Force On Youth Suicide, while adult gay males are three times more likely to have attempted suicide than the general male population, according to a UCSF study. It’ll be interesting to see if those statistics change with increased familial acceptance. The beauty standard is high and competitive (a gym membership may be a suggestion). Internalized homonegativity still runs rampant, with an unhealthy fixation on “str8-acting” types, not to mention the good portion of men who are struggling to establish healthy relationships.

The gay culture was first coming into fruition 40+ years ago in sections of New York City and San Francisco. This community (as outlined in the Time article) was one of mostly libertines bucking the status quo. Much of the makings of the gay culture came from rejecting the social norms. They were sticking a middle finger up at society, saying that all of the contraptions that made up America’s fabric had no business in their community.

But what happens now that we have become a part of the social fabric? Should the culture itself remain stagnant, still a space that rebels against traditional values? We are about to be granted the most traditional value in America. It might be time, as society continues to accept us, for us to look inward, at the community itself, analyzing the shocking statistics on mental health and maybe cleaning up some of our own cultural norms. Then, the new gays, having been raised in a much more accepting American culture, can chart an easier path while assimilating into gay culture, without any need for warnings.

A year ago, I told my father that I felt gay rights wasn’t over until The American Adventure ride at Epcot Center (a film tracing different minority groups gaining acceptance in America) contained a clip with rainbow flags. Now, though, I think I’ve changed my mind. Gay rights hasn’t been achieved until I can look my gay students in the eye and say, without blinking, how truly proud I am of each facet of our culture.