This Week’s Q-Point from “Cross-Eyed” by AJ Cross

Tonight I missed him. Not a particular “him,” but the presence of a him. It doesn’t happen very often as I am very good at occupying as many of the hours in a day as possible. Tonight, I watched a couple at a diner hold hands, secretly underneath the table, and later saw another couple looking at one another the way only two people in love do, and I missed that feeling.

The feeling of someone saying, “I’m yours,” or waking up in the middle of night and having a warm body next to me. Knowing that the only sound in the house will be the voice in my head, instead of his voice saying something that will make me laugh, is not pleasing.

I miss the feeling of a hand on the small of my back leading me into a room, or having the smallest detail of something about me remembered, like telling the waiter that I want extra dressing on my salad.

I never took for granted the special aspects of being with someone, but I know that many people do. To those people, I say “don’t.” Don’t undervalue the fact that someone has chosen to be with you and share his or her life with you. Don’t take lightly that someone has chosen your lips above all others to kiss every day. Don’t wait until they are gone to tell them that they are missed. Don’t assume that finding what you already have is easy to find. If you think that the person you are with is not perfect, then you are probably right. But then again, neither are you, and they have chosen to be with you despite your imperfections.

So often the attributes that sparked our initial interest in someone become the very things that we seek to change, because we do not want them to be attractive to anyone else. This is selfish and wrong. Why would you want them to be less than who they are? Why shouldn’t they be witty, outgoing, and fashionable? This is what made you want them in the first place, right?

Remember that they made a conscious decision that you were they person they wanted to be with, and that is what matters.

The people we love should be loved with great dignity, respect, and freedom. A caged animal is not a happy animal. It does not stay because it wants to, but because it has no choice. Choice is the key to everything. When something is an option, it is very easy to opt out.

I would rather be writing a letter about a person who is here than a column about the person who is not. I am happy about the moment tonight when I missed “him,” because it will make meeting him again all the more special. Now go and kiss “him.”

AJ Cross is a contributing writer and author of his column “Cross-Eyed”. He can be reached at AJCrossConsulting@gmail.com.