By Christian Alexander

Since I was a child, I have always been intrigued with the visions that were presented before me on television and in the movies. The actors portraying their parts were more than merely reading lines. They were embodying the persona of the part they were playing.

Some convincingly; others, not so much. However, to an impressionable youth they were all people, fictional or not. The one thing television most definitely had become, for me, was perhaps too good a friend. I felt as though I were part of the presentation. That, I somehow fit into this plot or that episode.

For many years throughout the late 70s and early 80s, I was infatuated with “The Bionic Woman.” Jamie Summers – now there was a woman; school teacher, international spy and in possession of super strength to boot.

She was wholesome, pretty, honest, and could do some really cool stuff.   Thanks to syndication, I got to be with her every day after school. There was, of course, “The Bionic Man” as well, but I suppose, even before I knew what it was to be gay, he just wasn’t my type.

Not that Jamie Summers was either.

However, I didn’t just have a mere crush on Jamie. I wanted to be her! So much
so that, I used to run in slow motion and try and mimic that bionic sound. I once even attempted to jump from my back porch into the yard, resulting in a few scrapes, bruises and some curious looks from my mother.

Then, there were the movie characters. My first (and last) camping trip was a weekend of sheer terror, for at night, I was sure that every twig breaking, every leaf falling, was “Jason” behind his hockey mask lying in wait to kill us all. I have to confess, that even at my age, when I’m at my mother’s country house, I still have trouble sleeping even with a pharmacy at my disposal.

With the advent of YouTube, I was rejoined with the screen “friends” of my youth. Jamie Summers was no longer selling mattresses to the middle aged masses, she was just as young and pretty and able to jump over large objects with ease. Sometime later, I discovered the “blooper reels” from some other shows I had once enjoyed and decided to see if there were any for the “Bionic Woman.” That’s just before the walls between fiction and reality began to crumble.

I had always admired Jamie’s soft-spoken nature, kindness and the certain fragility she displayed despite her super strength. Then I saw my first “blooper” reel of the show. For the first time, I separated the actress, Lindsey Wagner, from the character, Jamie Summers, due mostly to the fact that when off screen, Lindsey had the mouth of a sailor. Just about every scene that she flubbed was followed by words I won’t mention here, but one in particular, starting with F set the tone.

I then began to put together in my mind the “roles” we allow ourselves to play, be they intentional or not. I remember watching with awe as my mother went through her morning routine of “putting her face on” while I ate my bowl of Captain Crunch. It seemed to me that she too was getting ready to play a part she perhaps didn’t want to play, but had been cast into. Many of my friends seemed to fit into this mold as well. They didn’t necessarily become who they wanted to be, they became what they were expected to be by society, “Nazi nuns,” heavy-handed parents and so on.

I was forged into a polite, non-violent, obedient child by the nuns and teachers at my school, while the “real” me lurked under the surface, wrecking havoc every chance I had. I have yet to shed all those vestiges of youth or the appearances I wish others to see, but that I know aren’t completely real. Trouble is, I haven’t completely figured out how to separate the two, though I am working on it.

What would I have turned out to be had I zigged when told to zag or turned left when ordered right? I suppose I’ll never know, but I leave you with the same question. Where would you be right now without the shell of the character into which you were molded?

Until next time, Christian