ALEX VAUGHN

When we are raised, we are taught good manners (i.e., don’t talk with your mouth full, always say please and thank you, cover your mouth when you sneeze, say ‘pardon’ not ‘what’ when you mishear something and so on). As we move into adulthood, mostly these stick with us and we develop a new moral code above and beyond gracious manners. Opening the door for your date, offering a seat, signing our emails off with a polite ‘best regards’ or ‘many thanks,’ smiling when you say hello, remembering people’s names, etc. It makes society and community much nicer places to be when people are polite and have good manners.

We have been all been in the same position as my dead friend.

He met a lovely guy and they clicked on every level on their first date. They arranged the second date with excitement, that butterfly feeling you get when you realize that you like someone. My friend called the night before their second date and left a message. Nothing. Called the following morning. Nothing. Spent the whole day waiting for a call, only to receive a pathetic excuse-laden email at 9:15pm on the evening of the date. Besides being an incredibly typical story we have all heard before, it is also simply bad manners.

So, how is it that grown men have lost that moral code which states you must call someone to cancel an arrangement? Whatever the list of ridiculous reasons you have, it is irrelevant and beyond unacceptable to leave someone hanging till 9:15pm on the evening of a date and cancel through email!

Now the level of bad manners in the situation is not only the late cancellation, but the use of email. Seriously, pick up the phone! Now that we have communication literally at our fingertips, we email, message or text a cancellation, rather than braving a confrontation and picking up the phone to tell the person you won’t be able to make it.

It seems so many people in the community would rather forego manners to save the potential of a confrontation.

A date is one thing, but then there is that huge complaint when arranging the infamous hook up! How many times have you made an arrangement, just to have the person not turn up, that moment when you call the number and its off or that irritating ‘The number you are calling can’t be reached’?

It can’t be reached because the guy has no manners.

Then, of course, there is that situation where one goes to the designated meeting point and you see the person you are supposed to meet and decide they aren’t your type. Yet, instead of politely going up and saying, ‘thanks but no thanks,’ you switch off your phone and go the other way. Again,  bad manners rather than face an awkward situation.

When one looks around the community, you see bad manners in so many places. At a bar, there is pushing and shoving. I remember a few weeks ago being in a bar patiently waiting in line to get a drink. As I approached the bar to order my drink, some little tragic tartlet pushed past me and placed an order. When I politely explained I was first, his response was to blatantly ignore me.

Unsurprising for someone with bad manners, so I turned to the barman, who was already making his drink. Once the offending little toad had left, a group of guys sitting to my left told me how appalled they were by his bad manners; the bartender joined in saying how shocked he was. I called him out on it and the fact that he had made the drink knowing I was first. His response, ‘Oh he is a troublesome one; it’s not worth the scene’.

He got away with being a moron because people don’t hold manners in high regard anymore. While I was researching this piece, I noted that causing a scene was also considered bad manners, so for the sake of argument I shall give the aforementioned bartender the benefit of the doubt.

Speaking of scenes, however, take your mind back a week or so.  Undoubtedly, you have seen one in the community, some over dramatic explosion of passion, anger and Jaegermeister!

Another manner that should be remembered is mobile phone etiquette.  Now, I will admit I am most guilty of bad manners in this area. I answer my phone at all times (don’t have it on in the theatre or movies though – I’m not that bad) and the worst is when I’m in Starbucks.  More often than not, I forget to put my call on hold while ordering or paying, remaining instead yelling down the phone assuming everyone wants to hear whatever drama I have concocted in my life!

As a community, if we upped our manners considerably it would be a much more pleasant place to be. With a quick visit to our youth, it will be easy to remember our basic manners and apply them to everyone you encounter. I will leave you with one other lesson in manners, despite how painful it can be, especially if the person rambles:  Never, ever interrupt a person when they are speaking. It is just plain rude!

Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others.  If you have that awareness, you have good manners, no matter which fork you use. ~ Emily Post

Alex Vaughn is the Editor-in-Chief of the Florida Agenda. He can be reached at editor@FloridaAgenda.com