In response to Cross-Eyed by AJ Cross, “Open Relationship Versus Open Heart” in the Florida Agenda, August 18, 2011.

Dear AJ Cross,

With regard to your column in the August 18th edition of the Florida Agenda, let me relate my experience with an open relationship: I have been in an open relationship with my partner of 26 years for about 24 years. It began while I was working, on international travel a lot, and our separation occurred regularly. We never were apart for more than three weeks, but opportunities for sex and quality time (drinking/dancing/eating/touring) with other guys still occurred during our separations.

Since we were both secure in our relationship, we talked about our situation and came up with a set of guidelines for ourselves. While they may not work for everyone, they have been very helpful for us.

1. Be honest and talk openly about everything we do.
2. Recognize that “sex” and “love” are not necessarily the same.
3. Give each person veto power over what the other does.

These guidelines have given us a very stable and interesting life. We feel that sex outside the relationship is to be enjoyed. We often have sex together with a third or fourth guy. It’s fun, especially when there are no expectations of something longer lasting. We like to meet new people and don’t feel jealousy when one or the other sees some eye-candy that casually interests him. There are tons of really nice guys in this world and we learn a lot from them and several of them have developed into close friends.
We now each have multiple different sex partners per month, mostly at the baths, but also from online contacts. We are, of course, careful with the usual health issues. My partner is younger and has more encounters than I, but we are always amazed at the hot guys who actually prefer older men. The fact that we hook up with others encourages us to keep physically fit and active. What you quickly find, after a short while, is that no one is perfect, no matter how hunky or rich. The leading quality we look for in others is their willingness to have a great time with little or no attitude.
Hope this gives you something to consider. I can provide some additional thoughts if you wish.
Anonymous

In response to the News story “Priests Blackmailed” in the Florida Agenda, August 25, 2011.

DEAR EDITOR,
In our part of the Catholic church we don’t, thankfully, have this problem of clergy being outed. Our clergy are male/female; celibate/partnered-married; gay/straight. We are within the framework of the Ecumenical Catholic Communion – ECC.
Maybe some day we will all walk in the manner of Jesus of Nazareth who called all to serve and not to be served.

Thanks for listening,
Father Joe, ofr

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