By AJ Cross
What is this phenomenon of couples in “open relationships”? What does it mean to have an open relationship? I have been slapped in the face with something I never expected, which is the proposition of an open relationship, and I must say that, though I have known many couples whom have been together for a long time and decide to open there relationship to other people, I myself was never really fond of the idea.
Gay people have been fighting for the lawful right to marry for as long as I can remember and now, when that endeavor is being realized, gay couples want to navigate away from a monogamous companionship to one which includes the authorization to sleep with whomever they want, whenever they want.
Does the envy and jealousy just disappear because the relationship has become open? Is it really just one of the partners who is tired of having the same thing for dinner every night that pushes for such an agreement while the other partner simply agrees because they are in love or afraid of losing the person?
Will allowing for strangers to enter the sanctity of your relationship – if even just for pure physical pleasure – take away from the idea that you might not be satisfying your lover, or worse, that you are simply not enough for them anymore? As I sit in the middle of one of the strangest decisions of my life, I find myself in need of answers.
This week, I look to my readers to help me! I want to know you your thoughts about this “open relationship” situation.
I want to hear from those of you who are for it or against it and why. I want to hear stories where it caused relief or it caused tragedy.
I need to get as much information as possible so that I can begin to understand all of this. I know how I feel about the prospect of an open relationship, but I can’t seem to get the idea past my heart and traditional idea of what a relationship should be.
Please email me your thoughts, stories, responses to crosseyed@floridaagenda.com and I will publish the best responses in next week’s column.
Thank you all in advance,
AJ
AJ Cross, CrossEyed@Florida Agenda.com
With regard to your column in the August 18th edition of the Florida Agenda, let me relate my experience with an open relationship:
I have been in an open relationship with my partner of 26 years for about 24 years. It began while I was working, on international travel a lot, and our separation occurred regularly. We never were apart for more than three weeks, but opportunities for sex and quality time (drinking/dancing/eating/touring) with other guys still occurred during our separations. Since we were both secure in our relationship, we talked about our situation and came up with a set of guidelines for ourselves. While they may not work for everyone, they have been very helpful for us.
1. Be honest and talk openly about everything we do.
2. Recognize that “sex” and “love” are not necessarily the same.
3. Give each person veto power over what the other does.
These guidelines have given us a very stable and interesting life. We feel that sex outside the relationship is to be enjoyed. We often have sex together with a third or fourth guy. It’s fun, especially when there are no expectations of something longer lasting. We like to meet new people and don’t feel jealousy when one or the other sees some eye-candy that casually interests him. There are tons of really nice guys in this world and we learn a lot from them and several of them have developed into close friends.
We now each have multiple different sex partners per month, mostly at the baths, but also from online contacts. We are, of course, careful with the usual health issues. My partner is younger and has more encounters than I, but we are always amazed at the hot guys who actually prefer older men. The fact that we hook up with others encourages us to keep physically fit and active. What you quickly find, after a short while, is that no one is perfect, no matter how hunky or rich. The leading quality we look for in others is their willingness to have a great time with little or no attitude.
Hope this gives you something to consider. I can provide some additional thoughts if you wish.