By Michael French

Dining out until the recent past was primarily reserved for celebrating life’s events, like Mother’s Day and Valentine’s Day. Frantic schedules leave many of us with little spare time or desire to cook a meal. Eating at restaurants has become a lifestyle, especially in Florida. Newspapers and magazines are rife with reviews of restaurants’ atmospheres, cuisine and service. However, I don’t recall reading many articles about how diners should behave in a restaurant.

Know anyone you dread going out to dinner with because their behavior and attitude makes you want to crawl under the table? I do – poor manners combined with their bloated sense of entitlement (i.e., cannot let the server pass by without wanting something, or complain about the smallest thing that isn’t exactly what they demanded). It seems they aren’t happy unless they can victimize themselves. Neediness, high maintenance, rudeness, etc.; these ingredients are a recipe for a not very “tasty” dinner. Drama at the dinner table is unacceptable, especially when you’re paying 50 bucks for a steak only to have heartburn for dessert!

When someone is nice to you but rude to a server or bartender, this is not the conduct of an authentically kind person. Why? This sort of individual is a bully because they are being disrespectful to the server, etc., who they assume is not typically free to defend him or herself from fear of losing their tip or even their job. It appears too many people view the server as their personal “servant” during the time they are in the restaurant. The difference between the definition of server and servitude has, sadly, blurred. The cliché “the customer is always right,” besides being far from correct, doesn’t give people license to be inappropriate. Patrons need to remember, they are buying the product, not the person. Receiving proper value for the price, served with politeness in a timely, professional manner is all any body should feel entitled to expect. Oh, there’s that word, entitled!

One can have a delicious meal and great service without being demanding. First and foremost, don’t forget the “Golden Rule!” Just because you’re paying for the dinner does not excuse forgetting this universal truth. Being courteous will vastly improve your chances of getting exactly what you want. Restaurant personnel are more likely to go out of their way to please you when you show respect for them.

Being a demanding, high maintenance and condescending boor will get you nothing but the bare minimum of service, at best. The movie “Waiting,” though an exaggeration, is a comedic take on the restaurant business but does send a message of “beware” if you mistreat service personnel.

It’s very easy to have a superbly memorable dining experience without being demanding.

Other than the “Golden Rule”, let’s start with two simple words which are very effective: “please” and “thank you”. Remember them? Make eye contact with the server. Listen when they describe the menu. Say “I”d like to have,” not “I want”. Don’t say “Tell the chef.” A server “telling” the chef is like confronting a pit bull on steroids. Refrain from tearing a dish apart, substituting facets of the dish until it doesn’t even resemble what the chef took great pains to create. Go to a restaurant that has a dish you will order without changing anything about it! Save the server and kitchen staff a lot of grief. Never tap the glass, point instead of speaking, snap your fingers or pull on the server’s clothing. Maybe a few visits to a therapist will stave off your chest pounding power trips when you go to restaurants.

Don’t punish the server with a bad tip if the steak is tough, or the wine isn’t “big” enough. He or she made neither. Tip them fairly, according to their attitude and service panache. A well-deserved good tip equals 20% or more.

The ingredients of class, grace, courtesy, empathy, patience, basic good manners and a dash or humility make a great recipe for an enjoyable restaurant experience. Your dining companions, server, taste buds and blood pressure will thank you. Bon appetit.

Michael French, is Agenda’s Home from Home columnist. Contact Michael at mf7954fla@gmail.com