ALEX VAUGHN

Relationships are made up of small compromises, big sacrifices and huge pleasures, but one kink in the armor that often times befalls those in Florida is distance. Florida is a transient state, the home of snowbirds, travelers and seasonal workers … temporarily. So, what happens when one of you has to ultimately go home? Do you break up? Do you intend to stick it out with a date to come together full-time again?

If you decided to stay together, the result is that you can go out and see many forlorn men missing someone who has gone ‘home,’ albeit possibly temporarily. I think this likely scenario is why many are very cautious of engaging in a relationship with anyone who isn’t permanently residing here.

Sometimes, however, the pragmatic  doesn’t correlate with the desire of the heart. So, you make every effort to be casual; you will enjoy it while it lasts and when they leave you will knock it on the head … but inevitably they stay longer, and you fall deeper into love. Then you pretend it won’t affect you, but then ‘D Day’ comes and you wave your sweetheart goodbye, wrestling with the uncertainty of the ‘if’ and ‘how’ your relationship can stand the test of time and distance.

You put on a brave face, smile through it, and continue to be the you that you have always been, yet you can’t shake the fear that perhaps this was just a holiday fling. If you are convinced it’s not, then you have a whole host of other questions searing through your mind: will they be faithful; will they forget you; will they ever come back?

The void left by that person in your daily life presents itself within the first week; you aren’t going out as much – what is the point? After all, you aren’t looking for anyone else and your friends are all busy or with their own partners. That inevitable moment that you have put off all day when you have to get into bed alone, and you hope they are doing the same! You plod on with your days, keeping your phone at the ready for that call or text that reassures you that your love hasn’t forgotten you and misses you as much as you do. You spend more time thinking about them than you ever did when they were around the corner. You wonder about your future and question your intentions.

Very quickly it will become clear to you if you have a flash in the pan love or whether this might be the real thing; and if it is, how do you cope? Well, oddly once you have  reassured yourself that they are the one, your one and only, then you have to relax into the trust and memories of the past good times and the hope of the future. Plan your vacations to include visits or meeting up with each other. Use technology to the best of its advantage; Skype, text, call – it won’t make up for not being able to hold them, but will go a long way in showing your love and receiving theirs.

The next step is moving on, so to speak, with your life. That means not sitting at home alone watching Titanic and crying your eyes out or, worse, inventing scenarios in which you convince yourself not to trust them. If they don’t call when they say they would, then they are busy, it doesn’t automatically mean they are looking into another’s eyes. It isn’t easy, but it’s possible. As long as there is an equal level of commitment and communication, the time you are apart can fly by.

Another important point in maintaining a long distance relationship is to pick your battles – don’t use the precious time you have together to bicker about missed calls or something petty. If you want to make it work, be more forgiving – drop the need to be right. Use your time on the phone to ask about how they are doing, what is new in their life and, of course, to ascertain the knowledge that they miss you. Don’t try and lie about how much fun you are having – strike a fair balance ‘I am having a great week, but I miss you’ will do wonders for making them feel even more love for you, because you have shown you aren’t needy or desperate, but you haven’t forgotten the void they have left.

After all this, though, it is up to you and your partner to handle the treacherous path of a long distance relationship in the way that works best for you. You aren’t alone. It befalls us all, and it is not always possible to fly off to wherever they are, so you have to do the best you can; in the end it is worth it.  When they cross your mind because you hear a song or see something they would laugh at, smile and send a text. It says I am thinking of you and that consideration and thought will have you perfectly placed to go the distance.

“Absence diminishes small loves and increases great ones, as the wind blows out the candle and blows up the bonfire.”

– Francois de la Rouchefoucauld

Alex Vaughn is the  Editor-in-Chief of the Florida Agenda. He can be reached at editor@FloridaAgenda.com