By Michael French
June 19th is Father’s Day.
American fathers often get a bad rap. They are stereotyped by critics left and right, male and female. All too frequently, the American father is portrayed as a second class parent. Ever notice the difference between Mother’s Day and Father’s Day cards? Mother’s Day cards typically depict warm and fuzzy scenes further emphasizing the importance of the bond between mother and child. In stark contrast, Father’s Day cards, for the most part, are rife with illustrations of duck decoys, antique cars, fishing poles and boats. Please tell me what any of those have to do with being a father. If anyone could find a Father’s Day card showing a father holding his child, please give me the name of the merchant! Disturbingly, most of those insipid greeting cards are designed and penned by … women! Worse yet are the common images of fathers as the distant or brooding parent, deadbeats, philanderers and abusers. Conversely, research overwhelmingly proves the vast majority of American fathers are none of these.
My father was a great guy. He taught me a man is only worth his word, that very often doing the right thing may not be what’s right for you, and we should live life so there will be standing room only at our funeral.
“It’s not what you do or who you are that counts. How you’re remembered is what matters most,” he’d announce to me. Dad was absolutely correct.
Being self-sufficient made you a “real man” according to Dad. “A real man doesn’t need a wife to take over where his mother left off !” He’s marrying his best friend, not his mother. Dad grilled a mean steak, cleaned the house, did the dishes, read bed time stories and stood guard against the “boogie man”. On the other hand, he fixed the station wagon, remodeled the house and mowed the lawn. He was a fanatic with his old 35 millimeter camera. If I had a dollar for each time Dad called out “Say cheese!” … Thousands of Kodachrome slides from those days make me grateful for that fanaticism. Dad wasn’t a zombie, in a catatonic trance every Sunday watching football. No, instead he took us on real Sunday drives to our favorite haunts. He consistently encouraged me to expand my horizons, be brave enough to take the road less traveled and, along the way, never fail to treat others as I hoped to be treated.
That being said, as it’s a common tradition to rescue Mom from her often mundane domestic routine and show appreciation for all she does and has done, the same should be done for Dad! Take him out to dinner. Pay attention to what he does, something – anything – he might feel he must do around the house or wherever, and have it done. Better yet, if you can, DO IT YOURSELF! My guess is your heart will be equally warmed from the glow of gratitude on Dad’s face as his from your thoughtful gesture. To your father, he will believe you really do see and hear him. A truly generous person realizes there is often more to be received by the act of giving, especially from one’s self. A “Thank You Letter” from you for everything your father has given, taught and done through the years will make his heart smile, knowing he’ s been appreciated!
Mention specific events like a camping trip. He’ll know you haven’t forgotten. If you’re at a loss for what to do for your father, you need to get to know him better … now! On that note, I cannot write this without honoring Uncle Jerry. If it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t be writing this column. He was the first person I “came out” too. He saved my life! Love you “Perkins!”
I hope the real tribute to Dad, whoever he might be to you, will be the actions of our lives – where who we are and how we behave are shining testaments to the love and lessons our fathers instilled in each of us.
Michael French, is Agenda’s Home from Home columnist. Contact Michael at mf7954fla@gmail.com
