By TWISTED TOM
Ten years ago I suggested that my readers visit Wylde’s Bar to meet two new b a r t e n d e r s , Daniel and Tony. I mentioned that one or the other had a “perky butt”. Things then went crazy! Then, the next thing I knew, a real “Perky Butt” website had popped-up where everyone was claiming to have the “perkiest butt in Central Florida.” Who knew that what had started out as a joke, would evolve into a real contest?
We had “hanging chads” and “pinched dimples” all over the place, many late mailin ballots were not counted and the nowinfamous “butterfly ballot” was so confusing that even I couldn’t tell who I was voting for and candidates who missed the entry deadline cried that we were being cold-hearted. Finally, Bruce Ground (former owner of Out and About Books) won Perky Butt 2000 and David (of Hanks) won first runner-up. The first contest ended with a lot of cat fights, hurt feelings and down-right cheating by a few who didn’t win, place, or show in the contest. Our 2000 contest ended up with a stream of tasteless butt jokes and a cloud of controversy.
The 2001 contest wasn’t much better. One contestant brought a large, rowdy group that stole the contest by yelling things like, “shake your money-maker” or “bend over, daddy’s driving.” It seemed more like Southern Decadence than an innocent butt contest in Central Florida.
Fast forward to October 2010 — announcing (drum roll, please) as the Florida Agenda and Twisted Tom’s present “Twisted Tom’s Perky Butt 2010 Contest” with Crazy John as your host. You’re invited to join us at the Parliament House Resort on Friday, October 15th, at 12 midnight to join in the festivities at our 10th annual Perky Butt Contest during the 20th annual Bear Bust 2010 and BC3 weekend. The contest is free, no cover charge and no drag queen judges with their own agenda. Our contest will be totally decided by you, the audience (applause). If you want to enter I suggest you start working out your “buns of steel” because this year’s contest promises to be full of hot men.
Until next time, I’ll keep my eye on Central Florida for you…Cheers, Twisted Tom
