As summer approaches its calendar end, we wanted to share some of your feedback on issues and opinions raised in this column over the summer, to give more of you a chance to disagree or add to what Dr.Yakerty or others said.
When Your Lover Gets Too Kinky
“In spite of our area having a rep for being liberated and oh so open minded, I find it impossible to meet anyone who isn’t vanilla from top to bottom. If your lover is too kinky, I sure wish you would send him over to me.”
“The trouble with getting your kicks with kink is that you have to keep outdoing yourself, and sooner or later you’re at a place that’s too creepy even for
the most non-conformist of us. At least that’s what happen with my ex and I.”
When Your Love is Bi-Sexual
“I know you say there really are bisexuals, and maybe that’s true, but most of the time I just think it’s a stopping place on your way out of the closet, or a pathetic justification for keeping your pants permanently unzipped.”
“Thanks for saying that bisexuality really does exist. I wish more people knew that ’cause there’s as much prejudice in the gay community against us bisexuals as there’s against homosexuals at a Southern Baptist revival.”
When Your Lover Hates Being Gay
“I also had a boyfriend who went into ex-gay therapy and refused all communications with me, so I moved on. Two years later he comes knocking on my door saying he wants to get back together, that it isn’t working with his wife and child. I introduced him to my new partner and told him to f#*k off. God, did that feel good.”
“I have no trouble accepting I’m gay, but that doesn’t mean I have to accept everything in the gay community. There’s some real unhealthy attitudes and behavior around here, some obsession with the superficial, and being against those things doesn’t mean I’m anti-gay.”
When you fear you’re settling for too little in a relationship
(this column got more email than any other, with readers expressing strong opinion on all sides)
“What a weak sister is that jerk. Someone should wake up that Cinderfella and tell him Prince Charming doesn’t exist!” (a lot of email made fun of the person who sent in this predicament, calling him “naive” and “cotton-candy headed.”) “Here’s where I think people who think porn is bad have a point. Somewhere in puberty guys start watching porn on the Internet and they think that’s what sex is suppose to be like, so when (their) boyfriend doesn’t live up to the intense gymnastics or the measuring stick of paid porn stars, they think they are “settling” for less than they should.”
“I hate being alone so I was determined to have a partner, but discovered that settling for a poor relationship is worst than being alone.”
(Please remember I said both low expectations and high expectations can be wrong-headed and can lead to frustrating and dead-end relationships. You don’t want to switch one extreme for the other. The goal is to have balance, to be in touch with what is both fair and good to expect.)
Is there such a thing as emotional adultery?
“What you said is a bunch of hooey! Jeez, I hope (her partner) doesn’t read what you said. She already gets jealous up the kazoo if my eyes should even spot another
gal. She insists we hang totally around men since she thinks no female can be trusted. She not only wants to control my (genitalia) but my brain waves! We need a more limited definition of cheating, not a damn bigger one.”
We really do want to hear from the readers of this column. Your feedback is important to Dr. Yakerty and he promises to respond to every email. In September he will be tackling the issue of domestic abuse and violence in the GLBT community and he particularly invites anyone to write who’s experienced this first hand or had a friend who has. Send all email to dryakerty@aol.com.
