YOU THOUGHT THAT DRINKING ALL weekend would make us go away but we’re still here. Happy Monday!” Sincerely, Your Problems.

HOW COME IT’S OK FOR YOU TO FLIRT with whoever you want, but as soon as I even look at another hot guy I get bitched at?

I’VE TRIED SEVERAL TIME TO RUN into you to get you to notice me. You’ve already said I was sexy, so what exactly is the dea

l?

I HAVE BEEN KILLING myself trying to get a perfect body. I’m seriously thinking about just taking steroids. I will definitely get laid more.

I INTRODUCED MY EX to one of my friends and they end up getting drunk and hooking up. What kind of BS is that? Guys are just horny bastards that will screw anything.

I THINK ITS BULLSHIT THAT YOU blow me to off and then end up doing lines of coke in the strip club bathroom off some old dude’s ass. We’ll see if I come and pick you up next time you are a wasted mess.

GOING OUT EVERY WEEKEND IS getting so old. I really should just start drinking at home and jerking off to porn. I would feel better and still get my nut at the end of night.

MILEY CYRUS IS THE SHIT. I DON’T care what people say about her. She’s 17, if she wants to be a slut, so what? I was hooking up when I was 15.

I WAS REALLY BORED THIS WEEK. I must have watched like fifteen different pornos and jerked off. I think it was a new low and a new record.

IT’S THE MIDDLE OF THE SUMMER and I still haven’t been to the beach. But it’s easier to just lay out by my pool instead of driving out to the beach and endlessly looking for a parking spot.

SOME JERK OFF PASSED ME THE OTHER day while I was driving and then slowed down to turn. I wanted to ram the back of the car.

I HAD MY APARTMENT TO myself for an entire week and didn’t have any company. What a wasted of being able to make as much noise as I wanted to in my bed.

A BIRD MADE HER NEST ON MY porch, and I was initially fine with it. I went out there recently and there was shit everywhere. I looked at the mama bird and I think she could tell I was pissed.

I DESPERATELY NEED A VACATION. Not only do I need some R&R, I need a new crowd of guys to choose from for a few days. I think I’ve done the rounds here one too many times.

LEVI JOHNSTON AND HIS BITCH fiancé make me sick. How can they get so much press off of being hypocrites? I seriously doubt they are not boning.

I WAS SO HUNGOVER RECENTLY I made myself throw up for like two hours straight. It was one of the worst feelings to have all of the alcohol come up.

Do you have a “Bitch” you want to submit?  Post it on the Mega Bitches facebook page and it just may end up in future edition of the Florida Agenda.