Your preppy boy haircut cannot cover up the fact that you are a complete and utter skank.

IGNORING ME IS THE BEST THING you can do? Please I hardly even noticed.

I WAS KICKED OUT OF THE MILITARY in 1999 for having sex with my commanding officer. We were in love. Now we are on the verge of being vindicated. Time for DADT to go go go!

WILTON MANORS main street? More like Wilton Manors lame street! What a stupid stupid plan.

I CAME TO SOBE IN hopes of finding a man, but all I’ve found are little boys with STD’s. What a cesspool of nastiness. Good riddance bacteria pool, I’m leaving for cleaner waters.

I AM SO HAPPY THAT RETARDED show Lost is finally over, so now I can have my boyfriend back on Tuesday nights. You know it’s bad when he cares more about a fat guy and a chick with frizzy hair than he does about me.

COME ON MAN, TELL THESE people to get their crap together.

I’m tired of cleaning up their messes.

I THINK ITS BULLSHIT THAT YOU blow me to off and then end up doing lines of coke in the strip club bathroom off some old dude’s ass. We’ll see if I come and pick you up next time you are a wasted mess.

I LIKE HOW YOUR DROP YOUR pants at the drop of a feather. It would be harder to get Mother Teresa to pray on a Sunday than to get your jeans in a bunch at the end of someone’s bed.

WHY CAN’T WE PRETEND TO BE friends in front of the kids? Why do you always have to resort to comments and bitchiness? Are you that bitter that I am happy now, and you are still the miserable alcoholic fag you always were.

Ugh memorial day weekend in SOFLA is so nasty. If I can’t get out of town, I’m not  leaving my house.

I THINK I’D RATHER eat a pussy than ever eat your asshole again. That thing smelled worse than bigfoot’s dick.

I WISH I HAD THE COURAGE TO GO to prom in drag in high school. Shame on those shitty parents for kicking their son out. He deserves much much better.

SCHOOLS OUT!!! I AM SO OVER those homophobe jackasses in Oklahoma. I can’t wait to hit the speedofilled beaches of FTL and MIA. Why the F did I choose to be a Boomer-Sooner again?

I’VE FLIPPED HEAD OVER HEALS for you.

Why don’t you notice me. I’m the one that sniffs your hair as you walk by. I’m the one that grabs your ass at the crowded bar. I’m the one you can screw every minute of every day until I bleed for you.