Is your wig meant to look janity, because if it is, than you are succeeding.

DON’T WORRY ABOUT THE OIL SPILL hitting Fort Lauderdale beaches, most of the boys here are so oily that no one will even notice.

THANK YOU SO MUCH YOU SHITTY restaurant that charged my credit card twice and caused me to get an overdraft fee. Giving me a free drink coupon isn’t going to change the fact that

YOU SUCK! CAN ANYONE KEEP their word or promise anymore? Seriously, is it that hard to say something and stick with it.

I AM SO SICK OF having to jerk off before I go to bed. I am still trying to figure out what the point of a relationship is when neither one of us is getting any.

YOUR TRICK IS ACTUALLY KIND OF friendly now that I actually gave him a chance and talked to him.

I’M GLAD I DENTED YOUR CAR. YOU needed to be taken down a couple notches.

HEY PRESIDENT OBAMA, CAN YOU please do something. Anything at this point would be good. I feel like you’ve done nothing. Am I wrong people? Has he done anythin

g? Damn turd bucket.

IF YOUR AGENDA IS TO GET DRUNK AND smoke weed all day, than stay away from my kid.

I STILL DON’T UNDERSTAND HOW you could bone that skanky hoe-bag after all that shit you talked about him. You are either the biggest hypocrite ever or you are so desperate for attention for your dick, that you would stoop that low.

I HOPE KEY WEST DOES GET engulfed in oil. That shitty place can just go by the wayside like Pompei.

JUST CAUSE YOU porked the bartender doesn’t mean you can still flirt with him every time we go to the bar. He’s not into you, and you will never EVER get free drinks from him.

SO YOU ARE STILL sleeping with your ex. What a shocker!

CNN BLOWS MAD chunks. Except for that Jeannie Moos chic. She’s the hilarious bomb diggity. I wonder if she a ‘mo? I want to see her full moon!!!

I CAN’T WAIT FOR LOST TO BE OVER, so I can get back to my normal routine of bathhouse, manroulette and glory holes on Tuesdays.

WHY ARE ALL YOUR TRICKS AS BIG as semi-trucks?

OH HONEY, I PROMISE YOU ARE NOT getting fat, your bones are just expanding with every cheeseburger and jelly donut you shove down your throat.

I WANT TO BE AN ACTOR SO BAD.