PGLAG offers support for those who are coming out

By ILY GOYANES

PFLAG members Carole Benowitz, Lester Rifkin, Arlene Ramirez, and daughter Jordan at a recent chapter meeting

From its inaugural meeting in 1973, Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays, better known as PFLAG, has become an organization with over 200,000 members and chapters in over 500 communities across the world. South Florida is home to several chapters that offer educational and emotional support to families and friends having a difficult time dealing with a loved one’s sexuality.

“PFLAG Florida Chapters primary mission is to give support to families of LGBT people and to LGBT people,” says Florida State Coordinator for PFLAG, Carole Benowitz, known as the Johnny Appleseed of PFLAG for having started PFLAG chapters in Georgia, Florida, Alabama, Mississippi and Puerto Rico.

LGBT people know that the coming out process is difficult to navigate for themselves, but while they have had years of processing their feelings, family and friends only come to find out during that pivotal moment in an LGBT person’s life.

Peter Robinson, president of the Ft. Lauderdale PFLAG chapter, the only chapter in Broward County, understands the difficulty that loved ones experience. “We have to remember that for many of us, coming out was a long and difficult journey. We shouldn’t be surprised when, after we do come out, that others who were not part of our coming out process do not accept the end-point of our journey especially if they didn’t participate in any part of it along the way. Education of others, not judgment, is the key to the acceptance of LGBTQ people and the path to a less traumatic coming out.”

For some parents more than others, the road to acceptance is more difficult, especially when deeply cemented religious views are concerned. “I am old school, raised with rigid moral values and religious beliefs. My son told me he was gay after he left the seminary, where he was going through the spiritual formations to become a priest. I immediately withdrew into my own world of guilt, shame, and blame. My feelings were a consequence of being nurtured my entire life by Christians that fed untruths about homosexuality, among them being eternal damnation,” says PFLAG member, Rebecca Del Cristo. “At the time, I did do not know about PFLAG or any support groups. I had to carry the ‘burden’ alone. With help from my son, I started to learn more about homosexuality and became less ignorant about my son’s life as a homosexual man. I freed myself of ignorant ‘values’, and I stopped hiding.”

Thomas Edwards, President of the Kendall chapter in Miami, explains how PFLAG offers comfort and support for family members with an experience similar to Rebecca’s. “We are here to listen and offer confidentiality. That is our main responsibility.”

Other parents join PFLAG as a show of solidarity, like Sheila Carpenter. “My eldest son is gay, to show support and unconditional love for him, I joined PFLAG while living in Rhode Island. I had always known that my son was a special young man so it came as no great surprise when he came out to me–on my birthday, which was the most wonderful present I had ever received.” These parents help other parents find peace. “Although, I am very comfortable with my son’s lifestyle, there are many others who are not in such a happy place, so I do offer my insight and experience as by way of comfort to others who are confused with many issues.”

Other parents benefit from learning how others are dealing with their experience. “All of the different experiences helped me decide how I wanted to deal with my child and how I didn’t want to deal with my child,” says Arlene Ramirez, who joined PFLAG after learning about her daughter’s bisexuality. “It also helped because there is a sense of comfort that you have somewhere to go if the situation seems too much to handle by yourself.”

Regardless of the reasons for joining, PFLAG is here to help the LGBT community and those we love. Explains Benowitz, “We are here to enlighten people on LGBT issues, if our legislative folks will hear us, we know we will be able to change people’s minds by putting a face on our issues.”

Robinson stresses the importance of education. “PFLAG is hosted by a fabulous organization, SunServe, an organization committed to meeting the mental health needs of LGBTQ adults and youth. Education is really the key.”

Coming out is hard for all parties involved. Edwards offers the following advice to LGBT people whose loved ones might be having a difficult time accepting the news. “Just give your families, biological or otherwise, lots of time and love to help them overcome their initial shock…soon to be hailed as the family blessing of gaiety!”

There are five chapters serving the Miami area and one in Broward County.

There are also chapters in Palm Beach County. To find a meeting near you: www.pflag.org.