Thanks to FB, I found my long lost brother. Too bad he’s a tranny.

YOU SAID YOU WERE GOING TO THE bathroom but instead I saw you stop and hug him three times and kiss him on the lips twice. I hate him, but I’m even more disappointed in you for ruining the best week we’ve ever had. Was it also necessary to hug him again at the next bar? How many hugs does one person need in one night?

YES I’M A BIG queen in real life but when we get to the bedroom, I’m all top honey. All I want in my life is to date a top-acting bottom. I know you’re out there ladies.

YOU AND YOUR boyfriend were the worst threesome I ever had.

You came in less than a minute and your boyfriend wasn’t even hard while I was penetrating him. I mean come on. I got out of there so quickly.

I’M FAT AND BITCHY AND I LIKE IT like that. I’m always dramatic, force friendships on you and don’t ever shut up. If you don’t like it I will just throw a tantrum and then talk shit about you when you are not around.

TO ALL YOU BOYS OUT THERE WHO think that just because you have a six-pac means you can treat me like garbage, well you’re wrong. I may not be a mister universe, but I know my personality and hard work will eventually pay off while you will still be turning tricks outside the strip club. The best part of leaving this town is deleting all you bitches from Facebook. See ya later losers!

YOU THINK YOU CAN BE IMMATURE and standoffish around me? I am way better at it than you are. I’ll ignore you the rest of your natural life. And if you ever butt into my conversation ever again, I’ll rip that tongue right out of your throat.

SO YOU THINK JUST BECAUSE YOU are acting a little less psycho, I’m going to forgive you for all those times. I barely knew you when you turned your back on me. Don’t think I forgive and forget that easily, baby, cause I don’t.

IT’S CUTE THAT YOU tell me that you love me and miss me so much. Guess what we are not getting back together. I am having too much fun getting f***ed in the bushes to waste my time on a bland sex life with you.

IT’S FUNNY THAT ALL THE PEOPLE who support the Arizona immigration bill are white. Lets see if they still support it if cops were asking them for their identification papers.

WHEN YOU HAVE THREE NAMES that all sound like first names, I don’t know what to call you? And don’t get offended when I use the wrong one. Jerk.

YOU ARE THE PERFECT SELF-PRO moter. Next time promote yourself with your pants on.

DO YOU WANT ME TO START MAKING a chores list for you? You need to get off your lazy ass and take out the garbage.