I feel like the soul of my not-yet- deceased great grandfather inhabits my body from time to time. While I’m sure that my ancient patriarchal family member of three generations prior wouldn’t care to hear me talk about him being dead (yet), the old man inside me is just begging to complain about those crazy kids today with their goddam Internet.
Not only has modern day technology zapped us out of trying to work for things like figuring out the best pizza in town (just go to Zaggat.com) or how far away the nearest halfway house is (a simple Googleing of “need drug rehabilitation” yields many results), it’s simply made us come to accept less mystery in our lives in exchange for simple, quick gratification. And I’m not just talking about porn, although I have to admit, it’s the first industry I think of as being transmogrified by the on-line monster. For some inexplicable reason, I yearn for the days when a friend would let me borrow a VHS tape of 12 men get- ting gangbanged by an overweight little person, but now I can find that and so much more at www.weepeopleneedlove2.com almost too easily. And because it’s so easy…it bums me out a little bit.
The same can go for dating. No longer do you have to consult with your friends for hours about the perfect place to go for a mid- night stroll, the best Italian restaurant you want to share with your newfound beau, or even the cutest little porno shop to find a dirty movie together. No, those days are gone as all the mystery has evaporated with the click of a mouse.
Hell. Hooking up isn’t even the same! With countless web- sites like Manhunt, Adam 4 Adam, and Penises 2 Love 4 Ever, finding a hookup (or…love?…yeah right…) has never been easier or lazier. The World Wide Web has taken the once delicate art of finding erotic gratification and turned into something cheap and tawdry, unlike the many truck stops in the 1970’s where a man really had to work at getting an HJ from another random guy. We’ve become a society of gay dudes enslaved to the accessibility of the Internet so much so that all we really understand is instant satisfaction.
Maybe I’m just being ungrateful for modern technology. Don’t get me wrong; I love a blender or a microwave or even a Sonicare toothbrush just as much as the next guy. And I am thankful that all this technological progress has somehow translated into me being able to enjoy the comfort of an air conditioned home while living in the balls-hot weather of South Florida. But in my love life? I’m not completely sold on having a computer be my conduit between my genitalia and the rest of the world.
In any case, I suppose that I should not judge others for whatever it is they do on the Internet, but be able to just sit back and realize that while I may yearn for the nostalgia of days gone by, the world is an ever changing place in every facet and that’s a fact that I must accept or go live somewhere deep in the woods of North Dakota. While the idea of being surrounded by bears does have a certain sense of appeal, I think I’m going to stay right here in South Florida by my laptop for a bit longer.
Just a little history: The Internet is a global system of interconnected computer networks that use the standard Internet Protocol Suite (TCP/IP) to serve billions of users worldwide. It is a network of networks that consists of mil- lions of private, public, academic, business, and government networks of local to global scope that are linked by a broad array of electronic and optical networking technologies. The Internet carries a vast array of information resources and services, most notably the inter-linked hypertext documents of the World Wide Web (WWW) and the infrastructure to support electronic mail.
The Observationist contributes a weekly column on various topics. If you have any questions, topic ideas or comments please e-mail to: firstname.lastname@example.org