As I See It Opinion

Call Me BiSexual (but not out loud)

Written by Richard Hack

So there we are, all of us bundled together as LGBTQ (and XYZ for all I know). Although I’ve discussed this before, in case you’ve forgotten, among that alphabet soup, I’m officially a B, as in Bisexual, as in feeling more or less the same with women as with men.  Love ‘em all.

That fact is more than a little upsetting to my husband, who sees the way women cruise me in the local Publix. He’s only too happy to point out my wedding ring (and his) to all those who glance my way—no introductions needed.

He is officially a G in the mix, and highly protective of his B. I always thought of it as cute, until recently that is.  Just this week, a new study was released, commissioned by the world famous Adam and Eve Adult Toy Company of Carrboro, North Carolina. You know, the ones who make all those clever items that are sold by Hustler and other adult purveyors. Like the Clone-A-Willy Kit which allows you to make a perfect rubberized duplicate of our penis for $44.95. In any case, I digress.

Adam and Eve commissioned Dr. Maria Pallotta-Chiarolli from Deakin’s School of Health and Social Development to ask 1,000 adults what they thought about having a relationship with a bisexual. I was shocked to discover that all these years, I had over-memorialized my skill at seduction.

According to the study, nearly half of those polled (47%) said they wanted nothing to do with a bisexual, regardless of how handsome or physically fit he might be. We were just knocked off the list because we apparently made ourselves too available to, well, everyone.

The good news was that 35% of the group actually thought the idea of hooking up with a bisexual was rather like a special treat. Like homemade pistachio sorbet, only different. And then there were those 19% who couldn’t decide whether they would like it or not. (But since I’m certain that some simple seduction would bring them around, I’m willing to commit that a full 50% would find a bisexual half in a relationship just dandy.

But it’s that other 47% that worry me. (Stick in the muds if you want my opinion.)  There was some small consolation when Dr. Maria said that of the group who would welcome a bisexual in the master bedroom, there were more men than women who felt that way (39% versus 31%). Additionally, 23% of the women and 15% of the men were unsure when surveyed. They really can’t be counted since they’re just “confused,” as my Aunt Dorothy used to say.

In any case, there was more good news when the study was reflected upon slowly. According the Dr. Pallotta-Chiarolli, many of the women praised the “emotional depth, sexual intimacy and equitable gender dynamic of their mixed-orientation relationship”, with some actually sharing the reality that they would never be with a heterosexual man again. Suddenly I’m feeling much better.

The Doctor’s new book is titled Women in Relationships with Bisexual Men – Bi Men By Women. And according to Pallotta-Chiarolli, “Through this research and book, it is my hope that we can stop presenting only the stereotypical story.”

Stereotypical story? About bisexuals? Reading a bit deeper into the book, I discovered to my absolute astonishment that it is generally believed that bisexuals (in other words, me) are “untrustworthy and have secret affairs; that all bisexual men transmit HIV and STI to women; and that all bisexual men are abusive to their women partners.” What? I should sue. Nothing short of character assassination, I tell you.

“While we found these issues are certainly out there and we don’t shy away from discussing them, we need to lift the stigma for the women who choose to be in relationships with bisexual men and indeed say that bisexual men make better lovers and fathers,” Pallotta-Chiarolli added.

Well, that part is true. We do make better lovers and fathers. If you don’t believe me, ask my husband.  Just look for the French Creole flashing his wedding ring.