As I See It Opinion

Calling All Hedonists. Beach House Wants You!

Written by Richard Hack

By all accounts, we should be writing about the upcoming primary election next Tuesday, March 15. You would expect us to be encouraging everyone to get out and vote, if you haven’t already cast your ballot early in voting spots across South Florida.

For the LGBT community at large, it is a matter of stepping up to the plate and casting your vote for what you believe. Certainly, among Florida Democrats, Hillary Clinton is the obvious leader, with Bernie Sanders a distant second in all the early polls.

On the Republican side, those same pollsters who apparently get their divining rod straight from the Almighty, Donald Trump is the runaway favorite, rolling right over the local junior Senator from Florida, Marco Rubio. We’ll learn soon enough if their projections are accurate.

In the meantime, the gays who are normally my source for all things Florida aren’t even mentioning the upcoming primary. It’s not that they are being cavalier about things. Far from it.  They will, most assuredly get out and vote,–or forever risk hearing about it from me.

That being said, the street is all aflutter about THE news of the week which involves a new reality series called Beach House that’s set to begin shooting for fall, 2016. In case you’ve moved your ear from the ground, this is the story and you’ve got every right to be excited.

As we all know, the most gorgeous guys in Miami/Fort Lauderdale and haunts in between, are gay. And young. And outgoing. As it happens, those are the exact qualities that the folks at Doran Ofir Casting are seeking for its owners, Popular Productions, Inc. who have joined forces with 495 Productions to produce the new series.

You’ll remember 495 Productions from its previous hits Jersey Shore and Party Down South. 495 is the brainchild of SallyAnn Salsano, who named her LA-based company after the freeway that runs through her Long Island hometown. According to SallyAnn, who knows these things, Beach House is about to “ignite television again and turn it way up.” She says she is not only raising the bare, she’s “stocking it too.”

“We’re looking for a handful of true hedonists to be the exclusive guests at the next great house-based television series.” Think Real World, only tanner with the sheen of Coppertone.

“We are searching Florida statewide for the spiciest, hottest, wildest, sexiest, ripped bodies and beautiful faces to live together, love together and prove you’re from the hottest state on earth, brazen and bare for the world to envy.”

Enough said. Weell, according to SallyAnn, not quite. “We are casting Floridians because they embody diversity (yeah!) and an international spirit of abandonment, which draws revelers to its shores for the freedom, music, clubs, and the best beaches on earth, making it a world party destination. Your life is a unique story waiting to be told. It’s explosive, exotic, sexy, undeniable, and we want to hear all about it,” she says, and means it. “If you’re old enough to know better, and young enough to not care,” SallyAnn wants to hear from you.

Those who are mid-20s to mid-30s, and smoking hot, go to and fill out the application. It’s the first step toward stardom.

And then, after all that’s done, get out and vote, March 15. The polls open at 7 a.m. and remain open to 7 p.m. The time is now, and the choice is yours.