All Things Considered Opinion

A Single Valentine

A dozen roses: $12, a box of chocolates: $10, a Happy Valentines Day card: $2, still having $24 dollars because you’re single: priceless! (Author Unknown)

Yes, Valentine’s Day is just days away.  It’s also known to many of us as “Singles Awareness Day.”  The very same day those comments and questions come to fruition:  “Why are you still single?”  “You’re such a catch!”  “Hasn’t the right one come along?”   “If I wasn’t with someone, I’d be with you.”  “We’re too good of friends.”   “Are you dating anyone?”  “Why haven’t you been snatched up yet?”  The questions asked of a single person is endless!

Not too long ago, I had dinner with a decades long friend.  His other half was working, so we decided to go out, eat & catch up on what has been going on in our lives.  Of course, the conversation turned to why I’m still single.   After all, at 57, it’s hardly an uncommon question!  Here are a few of my reasons:

One-on-one or none.  I believe in total monogamy.  I’m not judging those in open or triad relationships; however, it’s just not who I am.  I’m selfish and I refuse to share my “other half” just to be in a relationship.  If I have to be in one that’s open, I might as well stay single and keep dating.  The only difference is (most of the time) your other half and you live together.

I’m a minister, which scares a lot of people.  They feel they must act a certain way around me. I’m as real as they come.  My being a minister doesn’t make me any less real as the next.  I have a saying “The tarnish doesn’t go away when the cleric collar comes!  Well, not if you’re honest!”  Not that I’ve ever been in trouble with the law, but I was far from total Angelic status!

I’m not a bar person.  After being 15 years in the bar biz part-time, it’s not where I want to spend every weekend.  Sure it can be fun, but not something I want to do all the time.  I rarely drink when I’m out, so I’m considered boring.  Trust me, nobody loves a very dirty martini more than I.  But the truth is, I don’t often go anywhere without my own car.  No taxis or Uber for me.  Besides, working in the court system, I see the end results of a DUI.

I’m community involved.  I keep pretty active and I know a lot of people.  Not everyone is comfortable being with someone who knows people just about everywhere you go.  “Can you ever be any place and not know someone?”  Sorry, it comes with the territory.

So, there you have a few of my reasons and there is no doubt that many of you can relate to one or more of them in one way or another.

Then, the round it all out question came:  “Would you give up any of it if you met someone you wanted to be with?”  Give up?  No.  Curtail?  Yes.  Growing up and dating, I used to give up a lot of things I enjoyed doing just to be with someone.  It wasn’t a mutual thing and something I stopped doing.  So, yes.  If I were to meet someone special, of course I’d consider slowing down some, but I won’t give anything up. I’d actually hope that person would have similar interests and want to join me, as I would expect he’d feel the same about me!

I have a full life and love almost everything about it.  Would it be nice to share it with someone?  Of course it would and maybe that special someone is out there.  But I won’t curl up and die if it doesn’t happen.  I’m alone, not lonely.  BIG difference!

Table for one?  Sometimes.  I’ve come to realize it’s not a crime to be single and I’m not ashamed of it.  My/Our day will come.  When?  Not even I can answer that.  I’m of the old cliché “If it’s meant to happen, it will.”   I haven’t given up and know one day, I’ll be able to change my Facebook status!

So, my single Valentines, I leave you with this thought: “You’re single not because you are not good enough for one, it’s that you’re too good for the wrong one.” –Chris Burkmenn

Rev. Joel S. Slotnick is an ordained Interfaith minister and full time digital court reporter for the state of Florida.